Why Does He Do That? : Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

"He doesn't mean to hurt me-he just loses control." "He can be sweet and gentle." "He's scared me a few times, but he never hurts the children-he's a great father." "He's had a really hard life..." Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with: € The early warning signs € Nine abusive personality types € How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will € The role of drugs and alcohol € What can be fixed, and what can't € How to leave a relationship safely In This Book, Domestic Violence Expert Lundy Bancroft Uses His Perspective As A Therapist For Abusive And Controlling Men To Help Women, Their Children, And Other Family Members Who Have Been Touched By Abuse Understand Why Abusers Behave The Way They Do And What Can Be Done About It. Bancroft Teaches Women How To Survive And Improve An Abusive Relationship; How To Determine How Dangerous An Abuser Is And When It Is Impossible To Rectify A Situation; And How To Get Out Of A Relationship Safely. Bancroft Identifies Nine Types Of Abusive Men, Addressing Different Styles, From The Physical Batterer To The Strictly Verbal Abuser. He Dispels The Pervasive Societal Myths Surrounding Abuse, Exposing Common Excuses Used By Abusers, Such As Having Experienced An Abusive Childhood Or Substance Addiction. Bancroft Answers Commonly Asked Questions, Such As What Warning Signs Of Abuse To Look For Early In A Relationship; What Is And Isn't Abusive Behavior; How To Know If A Woman And Her Children Are In Danger; And How To Tell When A Man Is Really Changing. Note On Terminology -- Introduction -- Pt. I : The Nature Of Abusive Thinking -- The Mystery ; The Mythology ; The Abusive Mentality ; The Types Of Abusive Men -- Pt. Ii : The Abusive Man In Relationships -- How Abuse Begins ; The Abusive Man In Everyday Life ; Abusive Men And Sex ; Abusive Men And Addiction ; The Abusive Man And Breaking Up -- Pt. Iii : The Abusive Man In The World -- Abusive Men As Parents ; Abusive Men And Their Allies ; The Abusive Man And The Legal System -- Pt. Iv : Changing The Abusive Man -- The Making Of An Abusive Man ; The Process Of Change ; Creating An Abuse-free World. Lundy Bancroft. Includes Bibliographical References (p. 391-400) And Index. In this groundbreaking bestseller, Lundy Bancroft—a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men—uses his knowledge about how abusers think to help women recognize when they are being controlled or devalued, and to find ways to get free of an abusive relationship. He says he loves you. So...why does he do that? You’ve asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men—and change your life. In Why Does He Do That? you will learn about: • The early warning signs of abuse • The nature of abusive thinking • Myths about abusers • Ten abusive personality types • The role of drugs and alcohol • What you can fix, and what you can’t • And how to get out of an abusive relationship safely “This is without a doubt the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men. Women who are armed with the insights found in these pages will be on the road to recovering control of their lives.”—Jay G. Silverman, Ph.D., Director, Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health In this book, the author, a domestic violence expert uses his perspective as a therapist for abusive and controlling men to help women, their children, and other family members who have been touched by abuse understand why abusers behave the way they do and what can be done about it. He teaches women how to survive and improve an abusive relationship; how to determine how dangerous an abuser is and when it is impossible to rectify a situation; and how to get out of a relationship safely. He identifies nine types of abusive men, addressing different styles, from the physical batterer to the strictly verbal abuser. He dispels the pervasive societal myths surrounding abuse, exposing common excuses used by abusers, such as having experienced an abusive childhood or substance addiction. He answers commonly asked questions, such as what warning signs of abuse to look for early in a relationship; what is and is not abusive behavior; how to know if a woman and her children are in danger; and how to tell when a man is really changing