The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism

Silver Award Winner in the 2005 ForeWord Book of the Year Awards! Born with autism, both authors now famously live successful social lives. But their paths were very different. Temple's logical mind controlled her social behavior. She interacted with many adults and other children, experiencing varied social situations. Logic informed her decision to obey social rules and avoid unpleasant consequences. Sean's emotions controlled his social behavior. Baffled by social rules, isolated and friendless, he made up his own, and applied them to others. When they inevitably broke his rules, he felt worthless and unloved. Both Temple and Sean ultimately came to terms with the social world and found their places in it. Whether you are a person with autism, a caregiver in the autism community, or just someone interested in an outsider view of society, their powerful stories will enthrall and enlighten you. Helpful sections include: Two Perspectives on Social Thinking Two Minds: Two Paths The Ten Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships, which include: Rule #1: Rules are Not Absolute. They are Situation-based and People-based Rule #2: Not Everything is Equally Important in the Grand Scheme of Things Rule #3: Everyone in the World Makes Mistakes. It Doesn’t Have to Ruin Your Day. Rule #4: Honesty is Different than Diplomacy Rule #5: Being Polite is Appropriate in Any Situation Rule #6: Not Everyone Who is Nice to Me is My Friend Rule #7: People Act Differently in Public than They Do in Private Rule #8: Know When You’re Turning People Off Rule #9: Fitting in is Often Tied to Looking and Sounding Like You Fit In Rule # 10: People are Responsible for Their Own Behaviors Les auteurs, tous deux étant des personnes autistes, proposent un guide des plus complet décrivant les relations sociales entre les personnes autistes et les autres ayant ou n'ayant pas de difficulté. À partir de leur propre expérience, les auteurs proposent deux perspectives différentes de la pensée sociale, décrivent la manière dont la pensée autiste affecte la compréhension sociétale et identifient 10 règles non écrites qui régissent les interactions sociales : 1) les règles ne sont pas absolues et sont tributaires des situations et des individus impliqués, 2) tous les éléments qui forgent la pensée n'ont pas une une valeur égale, 3) tous les êtres humains font des erreurs et que ces celles-ci ne doivent pas avoir de répsercussions sur la vie quotidienne, 4) l'honnêteté est diffiérente de la diplomatie, 5) la politesse à sa place dans toutes les situations, 6) toutes les personnes qui expriment de la gentillesse evers les autres ne sont pas nécessairement des amies, 7) les personnes agissent différemment qu'elles soient emn public ou en privé, 8) il est important de saisir et de comprendre qu'il est possible d'ennuyer les autres avec ses propos 9) être inclus dans la société est souvent relié au désir d'être à l'image et tenir les mêmes propos que les autres et 10) chaque individus est responsable de ses propres comportements The Authors Share What They Have Learned About Social Relationships Over The Course Of Years Struggling With The Effects Of Autism, Identifying Ten Unwritten Rules As General Guidelines For Handling Social Situations. Act One : Two Perspectives On Social Thinking -- Scene 1. My World Is What I Do / Temple Grandin -- Scene 2. A Different Perspective On Social Awareness / Sean Barron -- Act Two : Two Minds: Two Paths -- How The Autistic Way Of Thinking Affects Social Understanding -- Intermission -- Act Three : The Ten Unwritten Rules Of Social Relationships -- Rule #1: Rules Are Not Absolute. They Are Situation-based And People-based -- Rule #2. Not Everything Is Equally Important In The Grand Scheme Of Things -- Rule #3: Everyone In The World Makes Mistakes. It Doesn't Have To Ruin Your Day -- Rule #4: Honesty Is Different Than Diplomacy -- Rule #5: Being Polite Is Appropriate In Any Situation -- Rule #6: Not Everyone Who Is Nice To Me Is My Friend -- Rule #7: People Act Differently In Public Than They Do In Private -- Rule #8: Know When You're Turning People Off -- Rule #9: Fitting In Is Often Tied To Looking And Sounding Like You Fit In -- Rule #10: People Are Responsible For Their Own Behaviors. By Temple Grandin & Sean Barron ; Edited By Veronica Zysk. Includes Bibliographical References (p. 381-383). Dr. Grandin and Barron address the social challenges those with autism and Asperger's face, explaining in the process how confusing and illogical normal societal rules can be. They also address the "unwritten rules" that most children understand instinctively but are a mystery to those on the spectrum. They teach how to trust feelings, be assertive in a positive way, and deal with negative people and situations It was a well written book with lots of great insight into the perspective of 2 autistic adults with very different experiences.