The rough patch : marriage, midlife, and the art of living together

From a leading clinical psychologist who has counseled couples and individuals for decades, a wise, radical, and optimistic approach to marriage that promises compatibility between an individual’s development and the often relentless demands of a relationship.People today are trying to make their marriages work over longer lives than ever before—for their children’s health and well-being, and for their own. Indeed, among the college-educated, divorce rates have declined. But staying married isn’t always easy. In the brilliant, transformative, and optimistic __The Rough Patch__, clinical psychologist Daphne de Marneffe explores the extraordinary pushes and pulls of midlife marriage, where our need to develop as individuals can crash headlong into the demands of our relationships. __The Rough Patch__ is divided into chapters that address key problems that challenge marriages: money, alcohol and drugs, the stresses of parenthood, sex, extramarital affairs, lovesickness, health, aging, children leaving home, and dealing with elderly parents. De Marneffe offers readers seasoned wisdom on these difficulties, addressing the psychological, emotional, and relational capacities we must cultivate to overcome them as individuals __and__ as couples. Blending research, interviews, and clinical experience, and writing with uncommon insight into the daily behaviors of men and women, de Marneffe dives deep into the workings of love and the structures of relationships. Every reader will find himself or herself in these pages. Intimate and sometimes gritty, __The Rough Patch__ is an essential, compassionate resource for people trying to understand “where they are” on the continuum of marriage, giving them a chance to share in other people’s stories and struggles. With humor and deep seriousness, de Marneffe helps men and women understand themselves in order to move in the direction we’re all trying to go: a life lived with integrity, vitality, and love. From a leading clinical psychologist who has counseled couples and individuals for decades, a wise, radical, and optimistic approach to marriage that promises compatibility between an individual’s development and the often relentless demands of a relationship. People today are trying to make their marriages work over longer lives than ever before—for their children’s health and well-being, and for their own. Indeed, among the college-educated, divorce rates have declined. But staying married isn’t always easy. In the brilliant, transformative, and optimistic The Rough Patch , clinical psychologist Daphne de Marneffe explores the extraordinary pushes and pulls of midlife marriage, where our need to develop as individuals can crash headlong into the demands of our relationships. The Rough Patch is divided into chapters that address key problems that challenge marriages: money, alcohol and drugs, the stresses of parenthood, sex, extramarital affairs, lovesickness, health, aging, children leaving home, and dealing with elderly parents. De Marneffe offers readers seasoned wisdom on these difficulties, addressing the psychological, emotional, and relational capacities we must cultivate to overcome them as individuals and as couples. Blending research, interviews, and clinical experience, and writing with uncommon insight into the daily behaviors of men and women, de Marneffe dives deep into the workings of love and the structures of relationships. Every reader will find himself or herself in these pages. Intimate and sometimes gritty, The Rough Patch is an essential, compassionate resource for people trying to understand “where they are” on the continuum of marriage, giving them a chance to share in other people’s stories and struggles. With humor and deep seriousness, de Marneffe helps men and women understand themselves in order to move in the direction we’re all trying to go: a life lived with integrity, vitality, and love. “Anyone grappling with the bewilderment of midlife...will be at once provoked and comforted by this enormously wise book” (Dani Shapiro, New York Times bestselling author of Hourglass: Time, Memory, Marriage), from a psychologist who has worked for decades with people struggling to preserve and enhance their marriages and long-term relationships.People today are trying to make their marriages work over longer lives than ever before. But staying married isn't always easy. In the brilliant, transformative, and optimistic The Rough Patch, clinical psychologist Daphne de Marneffe explores the extraordinary pushes and pulls of midlife marriage, where our need to develop as individuals can crash headlong into the demands of our relationships. “A book of good intentions and helpful advice and a worthy manual for spouses” (Kirkus Reviews), The Rough Patch addresses common problems: money, alcohol and drugs, the stresses of parenthood, sex, extramarital affairs, lovesickness, health, aging, children leaving home, and dealing with elderly parents. Then, de Marneffe offers seasoned wisdom on these difficulties, explaining the psychological, emotional, and relational capacities we must cultivate to overcome them as individuals and as couples. Blending research, interviews, and clinical experience, de Marneffe dives deep into the workings of love and the structures of relationships. Intimate and always illuminating, The Rough Patch is an essential, compassionate resource for people trying to understand “where they are” on the continuum of marriage, giving them a chance to share in other people's stories and struggles. “De Marneffe writes with poetry, wit, and compassion about the necessity of struggle in the quest for true love. Anyone in any relationship at any stage of life could stand to learn from the wisdom in these pages” (Andrew Solomon, National Book Award-winning author of Far from the Tree). "People today are trying to make their marriages work over longer lives than ever before--for their children's health and well-being, and for their own. Indeed, among the college-educated, divorce rates have declined. But staying married isn't always easy. In the brilliant, transformative, and optimistic The Rough Patch, clinical psychologist Daphne de Marneffe explores the extraordinary pushes and pulls of midlife marriage, where our need to develop as individuals can crash headlong into the demands of our relationships. The Rough Patch is divided into chapters that address key problems that challenge marriages: money, alcohol and drugs, the stresses of parenthood, sex, extramarital affairs, lovesickness, health, aging, children leaving home, and dealing with elderly parents. De Marneffe offers readers seasoned wisdom on these difficulties, addressing the psychological, emotional, and relational capacities we must cultivate to overcome them as individuals and as couples. Blending research, interviews, and clinical experience, and writing with uncommon insight into the daily behaviors of men and women, de Marneffe dives deep into the workings of love and the structures of relationships. Every reader will find himself or herself in these pages. Intimate and sometimes gritty, The Rough Patch is an essential, compassionate resource for people trying to understand "where they are" on the continuum of marriage, giving them a chance to share in other people's stories and struggles. With humor and deep seriousness, de Marneffe helps men and women understand themselves in order to move in the direction we're all trying to go: a life lived with integrity, vitality, and love"--Dust jacket The rough patch: an introduction A brief history of the midlife crisis Feeling close, in love and sex Marriage as a story Affairs, flirting, and fantasy: they're never about nothing Alcohol and other attempted escapes Money: the knife in the drawer Lovesickness and longing: putting them to use Body, health, and age: the stakes only get higher The empty nest: children, parents, and the turning of the generations Staying or leaving Love is a conversation. People today are trying to make their marriages work over longer lives than ever before-- but staying married isn't always easy. De Marneffe addresses key problems that challenge marriages, and explains the psychological, emotional, and relational capacities we must cultivate to overcome them as individuals and as couples Outlines a radical, optimistic approach to marriage designed to balance personal needs with the sometimes relentless demands of a relationship, addressing challenges ranging from parenthood and health to fidelity and aging "A wise, radical, and optimistic approach to marriage, from a leading clinical psychologist who has counseled couples and individuals for decades"--Dust jacket.