The radical acceptance of everything : living a focusing life

How can we bring peace to the inner wars that are in the way of having the life we want? For more than 30 years now, Ann Weiser Cornell has been exploring, teaching, and writing about the mysteries of emotional process, including the paradox of how we become more whole by acknowledging our parts, how the most despised places in us contain our greatest treasure, and how the body's felt sense, held in a compassionate state of Presence, is the key to change. Now her key writings have been brought together in one place, freshly edited for this volume, with four new articles offering Ann's leading-edge work. All are accessible both to the seeker of personal change and to the professional who wants to be more effective working with others. Review Ann Weiser Cornell is a powerful force in making the world better. --Eugene Gendlin, author of Focusing In this intriguing collection of articles, Ann Weiser Cornell describes in a very personal and readable way her groundbreaking journey... --Richard Schwartz, author of Internal Family Systems Therapy From the very first page, The Radical Acceptance of Everything invokes the very state of Presence that it describes... --Helene G. Brenner, author of I Know I'm in There Somewhere About the Author Ann Weiser Cornell learned Focusing in 1972 from Eugene Gendlin, the originator of the process, and has been teaching it since 1980. Today she is internationally known as one of the leading theoreticians, teachers, and innovators of Focusing, as well as the primary person combining linguistics and Focusing. Her previous book, The Power of Focusing, has been translated into six languages. Ann has taught Focusing and advanced Focusing topics in seventeen countries on five continents. Cover Publisher’s Note Also by Ann Weiser Cornell Contents Introduction Contents Introduction The Radical Acceptance of Everything What is Focusing? Introduction to Three Key Aspects of Focusing Three Key Aspects of Focusing How I Met Focusing Introduction to I Am in Pain I Am in Pain... The Road to Change The Not-Wanting-to-Be-in-Pain The Pain Tells Its Story Introduction to The Radical Acceptance of Everything The Radical Acceptance of Everything Felt Senses Outside the Trunk Area Physical Symptoms as Felt Senses Thoughts and Other Distractions” The Critic The Radical Acceptance of Everything, Part Two Introduction to Facilitating Presence Facilitating Presence Being in Presence with Resistance” Introduction to The “Victim,” the “Critic,” and the Inner Relationship – Focusing with the Part that Wants to Die The “Victim,” the “Critic,” and the Inner Relationship – Focusing with the Part that Wants to Die Treasure Maps to the Soul The Treasure Maps Story – So Far Afterword to The Treasure Maps Story – So Far Introduction to Standing It “Standing It”: The Alchemy of Mixed Feelings The Alchemy of Mixed Feelings Introduction to The Dog Story The Dog Story The Dog Story Introduction to Releasing Blocks to Action with Focusing Releasing Blocks to Action with Focusing Summary Characteristics of Action Blocks Identification, Dissociation, and the Middle Way The pattern of identification/dissociation in action blocks Beginning with the part that doesn’t want to The Pattern of Protection The Pattern of Rebellion The Pattern of Wanting Something Else Working with the Inner Critic Conclusion Introduction to Radical Gentleness: The Transformation of the Inner Critic Radical Gentleness The Transformation of the Inner Critic A Part that is Criticizing Right Now” A Process View Can I Trust Myself? Identifying a Criticizing Process Truth in Labeling Presence Is the Opposite of Criticizing Presence Language with an Inner Criticizing Process Presence Language and a Criticizing Process - An Example Sensing How It Feels in the Body A Part that Criticizes Is Really Afraid The Fearful Criticizing Process - An Example Empathy with the Fear The Not-Wanting The Not-Wanting: An Example The Wanting Review of the Process So Far The Criticizer and the Criticized Severe Inner Criticism A Harsh Inner Critic - An Example Richard Schwartz’s Manager and the Treasure Maps Controller A Glimpse of Possibilities Focusing Partnership Introduction to Safe Focusing with !Almost" Any Partner Safe Focusing with !Almost" Any Partner Introduction to The Perils of Partnership The Perils of Focusing Partnership – and Some Rules for Safety The Art of Facilitative Language Introduction to The Power of Listening The Power of Listening Abstract The Purpose of Listening Presence The Inner Relationship The Purposes of Listening: Recapitulation Definition: What is Listening? The Linguistics of Listening The Power of “Something”: Pointing to Felt Experience Saying Back What Is There; Not Saying Back What’s Not There Reflecting Fresh Air Disidentification Fritz Perls and the Empty It “Something” Is Alive Who’s Saying It? Presence Listening The Power of Listening Appendix: A Listening Session Introduction to Focusing with a Family Member with Lung Cancer Focusing with a Family Member with Lung Cancer Session One Session Two Session Three Reflections from Ann Reflections from Mona Appendix: Starting the session Afterword Introduction to Questioning Questions Questioning Questions Questions are conversationally “strong” Questions tend to draw attention to the questioner and to highlight the interpersonal interaction Asking a question as a way to facilitate a process is cogni- tively complex About suggestions When to use questions So you still want to ask questions... For Focusing Teachers Introduction to What is the Difference Between Focusing and Therapy? What is the Difference Between Focusing and Therapy? A. The Focusing Guide Primarily Facilitates the Inner Relationship B. Therapists Need to Pay Attention to Relationship Issues C. The Focusing Guide Does Not Bring Up Topics D. A Therapy Client Would Usually Have Only One Therapist at a Time E. A Focusing Guide Can Work with a Friend F. A Therapist Makes a Long-Term Commitment G. A Therapist Uses Everything that Works H. A Focusing Guide Does Not Diagnose or Analyze What Both Have in Common What Does Not Distinguish Focusing Guide from Focusing Therapist A. Length of Time B. Focusing “Teaching” Doesn’t Have to Happen Introduction to The Origins and Development of Inner Relationship Focusing The Origins and Development of Inner Relationship Focusing Leading In Not Clearing a Space Something Comes Describing Checking the Description Staying in Contact The Inner Relationship The Living “It” Emotional Quality – “Its Mood” – and Situations Later Developments of Inner Relationship Focusing A Subset of Focusing Introduction to Relationship = Distance + Connection Relationship = Distance + Connection: Summary 1. The four main disadvantages of Finding Distance techniques 2. The Inner Relationship techniques 3. Implications for clients in Close Process )overwhelmed* and Distant Process )out of touch* 4. Implications for working with survivors of abuse and trauma 5. Implications for the relationship between the therapist and the client Introduction to Body? What Body? Body? What Body? Physicalizers When the Word “Body” Doesn’t Help Introduction to The Full Felt Sense The Full Felt Sense Suggestions for Inviting Missing Aspects When the “it” comes alive Introduction to Focusing on Childhood Focusing on Childhood The Last Word Introduction to Five Reasons Why Focusing Is Not Better Known (Yet) Five Reasons Why Focusing Is Not Better Known (Yet) Resources References Index If youre ready to experience more self-acceptance, let this book be your roadmap. How can you bring peace to the inner wars that are in the way of having the life you want? For more than 30 years now, Ann Weiser Cornell has been exploring, teaching, and writing about the mysteries of emotional process, including: - The paradox of how we become more whole by acknowledging our parts - How the most despised places in us contain our greatest treasure - How the body's felt sense, held in a compassionate state of Presence, is the key to change Now her key writings have been brought together in one place, freshly edited for this volume, with four new articles offering Ann's leading-edge work. All are accessible both to the seeker of personal change and to the professional who wants to be more effective in working with others. What youll gain from this book: - Clear, specific examples of what an inner relationship can look like as a conversation between you, as a compassionate Presence, and a something in you that needs your attention/acknowledgment. - An understanding of how some aspects of your experience get exiled and why its so important to invite them back in again. - An inside look at the third way that is so essential to Focusing - a way where you are neither identifying with nor dissociating from your emotional experiences. Available as paperback, ebook, and audiobook on Amazon. Translations are available in Spanish & German. Contact the publisher for more information.