The perfection deception : why striving to be perfect is sabotaging your relationships, making you sick, and holding your happiness hostage

When Dr. Jane Bluestein would tell someone that she just finished writing a book on perfectionism, the common reaction was a blank stare followed by the question, 'What's wrong with perfectionism?' Indeed, most people mistakenly confuse perfectionism with a healthy striving for excellence—but there is a big difference. One can lead to great achievement (or at least great learning) and the other is a psychological wound, the voice of the inner critic that screams 'failure,' 'loser,' or 'fraud,' regardless of the authenticity of our efforts, progress, or success. Over the years, Dr. Bluestein has seen the toxic and corrosive effects of perfectionism on people's thinking, their bodies, their relationships, their work, and their sense of worth: now she exposes the truth: perfectionism is actually a mask for a fear of making mistakes, a desperate need to avoid negative judgments and rejection. For those who are bound by the impossible demands of perfectionism and those who feel bound by someone else's perfectionistic standards, Dr. Bluestein emphatically shows that perfectionism is not a good thing, and it's not remotely the same as doing your best. Through personal interviews and the latest research, she explores how our culture fuels the dysfunction, how perfectionism develops, and how it can hurt our physical, mental, and social well-being. Further, she provides practical strategies for moving toward authenticity and wholeness to live with confidence, self-fulfillment, and happiness. Part I: Welcome to Our Perfect World 1. "What's Wrong with Perfectionism?" 2. The Culture of Perfectionism 3. Reality as Defined by the Media Part II: Building a Perfectionist 4. Risk and Vulnerability 5. Safe and Secure 6. Shaping Our Reality 7. Building Our Identity Part III: The Problem with Perfect 8. Through the Looking Glass: Living in a Distorted Reality 9. Living on the Dark Side: A Tendency Toward Negativity 10. Establishing Our Value 11. The Perfect Sabotage 12. The Perfect Relationship: Power and Perfectionism 13. The Perfect Stress for Body and Mind Part IV: Getting Real, Getting Well 14. Living with Imperfection 15. Being Your Biggest, Baddest Self 16. Developing Psychological Strength 17. Connecting with Others 18. Moving Forward: Mind and Body Notes. Most people mistakenly confuse perfectionism with a healthy striving for excellence, but there is a big difference. One can lead to great achievement or great learning, by allowing us to take risks, make mistakes, and forge ahead anyway. The other is a psychological wound that invites constant comparison with others, and traps us with all-or-nothing thinking that can paralyze us in a cycle of indecision, fear, and self-loathing. In this eye-opening book, Dr. Jane Bluestein shows us the truth about perfectionism.