The other side of sadness : what the new science of bereavement tells us about life after loss

We tend to understand grief as a predictable five-stage process of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But in __The Other Side of Sadness__, George Bonanno shows that our conventional model discounts our capacity for resilience. In fact, he reveals that we are already hardwired to deal with our losses efficiently—not by graduating through static phases. Weaving in explorations of mourning rituals and the universal experiences of the death of a parent or child, Bonanno examines how our inborn emotions—anger and denial, but also relief and joy—help us deal effectively with loss. And grieving goes beyond mere sadness: it can deepen interpersonal connections and often involves positive experiences. In the end, mourning is not predictable, but incredibly sophisticated. Combining personal anecdotes and original research, __The Other Side of Sadness__ is a must-read for those going through the death of a loved one, mental health professionals, and readers interested in neuroscience and positive psychology.

A leading expert in emotions research establishes a bold new paradigm for understanding grief.

Publishers Weekly

He once helped debunk the theory of repressed memory; now this Columbia clinical psychology professor takes on the conventional wisdom about grieving. There's little evidence to support the existence of “stages of mourning” or the corollary that if the stages aren't followed completely, there's cause for alarm. What Bonanno does find is “a natural resilience” that guides us through the sadness of loss, and grief, rather than distracting us, actually causes the mind to focus; it also elicits the “compassion and concern” that humans are hard-wired to offer in response to another's suffering. Bonanno acknowledges that grief is sometimes extreme and requires treatment, much like post-traumatic stress disorder. But with this work, science and common sense come together in a thoughtful, kindhearted way; stories of loss go far beyond striking a familiar chord—they give us hope. As one mother who lost her daughter tells Bonanno, even years later she felt her daughter was like a “little ember, and if I need to, if I want to have Claire next to me, I blow on it, ever so gently, and it glows bright again.” (Oct.)

"Conventional wisdom holds that grief unfolds in a five-stage process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But in The Other Side of Sadness, psychologist George Bonanno overturns this theory of grief - one that we have relied on for over forty years - and shows that it does not, in fact, represent what the majority of us go through when we lose a loved one." "Bonanno shows how the accepted model for mourning discounts our remarkable capacity for resilience. His research demonstrates that we are hardwired to deal with losses efficiently, and often without the help of a mental health professional. Grief, he explains, can actually deepen interpersonal connections and, in some cases, leads to a profound new sense of meaning in life."--Jacket Contends that the five-stage grief process currently accepted as a standard therapeutic model fails to take into account the human capacity for resilience, analyzing various cultural mourning rituals while examining how inborn emotions precondition us to deal with loss in efficient and healing ways. The worst thing that could ever happen A bit of history Sadness and laughter Resilience Whatever gets you through the night Relief When grief takes over Terror and curiosity Between was and is and will be Global soul Chinese bereavement ritual And in the end.