The Moral Landscape

North America's number one stress-reducing guru and New York Times bestselling author of the Don't Sweat the Small Stuff series now offers simple strategies for improving love relationships. He's helped millions of readers reduce the stress in their everyday lives, with their families, and in their jobs. Now Dr. Richard Carlson shows readers how to apply his immensely popular and helpful philosophy to one of the most difficult aspects of life; the romantic relationship. While depression, heartache, anger, and insecurity are widely associated with romantic love, the concept of stress is rarely identified as a problem. Yet we all have worries about our most important relationships, and this simple and elegant book outlines strategies for overcoming those fears. In one hundred brief, beautifully written essays, Dr. Carlson shows readers how not to overreact to a loved one's criticism, how to appreciate your spouse in new ways, how to get past old angers, and many others ways to improve and increase the joy and pleasure that can and should be a part of any partnership. From The Co-author Of The Bestselling Handbook Of The Soul Comes A Collection Of Short Essays On Attaining Peace Of Mind By Learning To Let Go Of Small Aggravations. Don't Sweat The Small Stuff -- Make Peace With Imperfection -- Let Go Of The Idea That Gentle, Relaxed People Can't Be Superachievers -- Be Aware Of The Snowball Effect Of Your Thinking -- Develop Your Compassion -- Remind Yourself That When You Die, Your In-basket Won't Be Empty -- Don't Interrupt Others Or Finish Their Sentences -- Do Something Nice For Someone Else And Don't Tell Anyone About It -- Let Others Have The Glory -- Learn To Live In The Present Moment -- Imagine That Everyone Is Enlightened Except You -- Let Others Be Right Most Of The Time -- Become More Patient -- Create Patience Practice Periods -- Be The First One To Act Loving Or Reach Out -- Ask Yourself The Question, Will This Matter A Year From Now? -- Surrender To The Fact That Life Isn't Fair -- Allow Yourself To Be Bored -- Lower Your Tolerance To Stress -- Once A Week, Write A Heartfelt Letter -- Imagine Yourself At Your Own Funeral. Repeat To Yourself, Life Isn't An Emergency -- Experiment With Your Back Burner -- Spend A Moment Every Day Thinking Of Someone To Thank -- Smile At Strangers, Look Into Their Eyes, And Say Hello -- Set Aside Quiet Time, Every Day -- Imagine The People In Your Life As Tiny Infants And As One-hundred-year-old Adults -- Seek First To Understand -- Become A Better Listener -- Choose Your Battles Wisely -- Become Aware Of Your Moods And Don't Allow Yourself To Be Fooled By The Low Ones -- Life Is A Test. It Is Only A Test -- Praise And Blame Are All The Same -- Practice Random Acts Of Kindness -- Look Beyond Behavior -- See The Innocence -- Choose Being Kind Over Being Right -- Tell Three People (today) How Much You Love Them -- Practice Humility -- When In Doubt About Whose Turn It Is To Take Out The Trash, Go Ahead And Take It Out -- Avoid Weatherproofing -- Spend A Moment, Every Day, Thinking Of Someone To Love -- Become An Anthropologist. Understand Separate Realities -- Develop Your Own Helping Rituals -- Every Day, Tell At Least One Person Something You Like, Admire, Or Appreciate About Them -- Argue For Your Limitations And They're Yours -- Remember That Everything Has God's Fingerprints On It -- Resist The Urge To Criticize -- Write Down Your Five Most Stubborn Positions And See If You Can Soften Them -- Just For Fun, Agree With Criticism Directed Toward You (then Watch It Go Away) -- Search For The Grain Of Truth In Other Opinions -- See The Glass As Already Broken (and Everything Else Too) -- Understand The Statement, Wherever You Go, There You Are -- Breathe Before You Speak -- Be Grateful When You're Feeling Good And Graceful When You're Feeling Bad -- Become A Less Aggressive Driver -- Relax -- Adopt A Child Through The Mail -- Turn Your Melodrama Into A Mellow-drama. Read Articles And Books With Entirely Different Points Of View From Your Own And Try To Learn Something -- Do One Thing At A Time -- Count To Ten -- Practice Being In The Eye Of The Storm -- Be Flexible With Changes In Your Plans -- Think Of What You Have Instead Of What You Want -- Practice Ignoring Your Negative Thoughts -- Be Willing To Learn From Friends And Family -- Be Happy Where You Are -- Remember That You Become What You Practice Most -- Quiet The Mind -- Take Up Yoga -- Make Service An Integral Part Of Your Life -- Do A Favor And Don't Ask For, Or Expect, One In Return -- Think Of Your Problems As Potential Teachers -- Get Comfortable Not Knowing -- Acknowledge The Totality Of Your Being -- Cut Yourself Some Slack -- Stop Blaming Others -- Become An Early Riser -- When Trying To Be Helpful, Focus On Little Things -- Remember, One Hundred Years From Now, All New People -- Lighten Up -- Nurture A Plant. Transform Your Relationship To Your Problems -- The Next Time You Find Yourself In An Argument, Rather Than Defend Your Position, See If You Can See The Other Point Of View First -- Redefine A Meaningful Accomplishment -- Listen To Your Feelings (they Are Trying To Tell You Something) -- If Someone Throws You The Ball, You Don't Have To Catch It -- One More Passing Show -- Fill Your Life With Love -- Realize The Power Of Your Own Thoughts -- Give Up On The Idea That More Is Better -- Keep Asking Yourself, What's Really Important? -- Trust Your Intuitive Heart -- Be Open To What Is -- Mind Your Own Business -- Look For The Extraordinary In The Ordinary -- Schedule Time For Your Inner Work -- Live This Day As If It Were Your Last. It Might Be! Richard Carlson. Includes Bibliographical References (p. 247-248). Offers A Formula For Building A Growing And Positive Relationship And Shows How To Avoid Common Relationship Pitfalls. 1. Mostly, Be Pals 5 -- 2. Learn To Laugh At Yourself 8 -- 3. Let It Go Already 11 -- 4. Turn Up The Heat 14 -- 5. Consider That The Grass Probably Isn't Greener 17 -- 6. Throw Away Your Scorecard 19 -- 7. Be Kind First (kris) 22 -- 8. Don't Use Your Partner As A Punching Bag! 25 -- 9. Ask The Question, Whose Quirk Is This, Anyway? (kris) 27 -- 10. Talk To Him His Way 29 -- 11. Avoid The Words, I Love You, But 32 -- 12. Fill Your Life With Opportunities To Express Love 34 -- 13. Look For The Gifts 37 -- 14. Mark Your Calendar (kris) 39 -- 15. Share An Insight 41 -- 16. Stay Away From Ultimatums 44 -- 17. Allow Time For Transitions 47 -- 18. Don't Fight Unless The Mood Is Right 50 -- 19. Know Your Own Value 54 -- 20. Put A Positive Spin On It 57 -- 21. Remember That Your Partner Can't Read Your Mind 60 -- 22. Set A Good Example (kris) 62 -- 23. Don't Fight Over Stupid Things 64 -- 24. Become A World-class Listener 67 -- 25. Experience A Sudden Shift 70 -- 26. Avoid The I've Had A Really Hard Day Habit 73 -- 27. Let Him Buy His Lunch 75 -- 28. Surprise Her With Compliments 78 -- 29. Stop Wishing She (or He) Were Different 81 -- 30. Don't Put Your Partner On The Spot 84 -- 31. Think Before You Speak 87 -- 32. Discover What Part You Are Playing 90 -- 33. Finish The Job 93 -- 34. Think Gentle Thoughts 95 -- 35. Stay Compassionate 97 -- 36. Jump-start Your Relationship 100 -- 37. Don't Allow Passing Thoughts To Turn Into Issues 102 -- 38. Become A Low-maintenance Partner 105 -- 39. Do It Your Way 108 -- 40. Walke Up And Think About Three Things You Love About Her 111 -- 41. Choose Peace Over Irritation 113 -- 42. Don't Sweat The Occasional Criticism 116 -- 43. Stay Playful 119 -- 44. Stop Rehearsing Unhappiness 121 -- 45. Don't Be The Hero Of Every Story 124 -- 46. Make The Fresh-start Commitment 127 -- 47. Avoid Correcting Each Other 129 -- 48. Sit In Silence 132 -- 49. Take Responsibility For Your Own Happiness 134 -- 50. Master The Art Of The Heart-to-heart 137 -- 51. Don't Confuse Your Own Frustration With A Problem In The Relationship 140 -- 52. Stop Being So Defensive 143 -- 53. Be Consistently Grateful 146 -- 54. Don't Fall Into The I've Got Time For Everyone But You Trap 148 -- 55. Organize A Charitable Project Together 151 -- 56. Ask Yourself The Question, In The Scheme Of Things, Is This Really That Big A Deal? 154 -- 57. Don't Continue Doing The Same Things And Expect A Different Result 156 -- 58. Respond With Love 159 -- 59. Look In The Mirror 162 -- 60. Allow Your Partner To Be Human 165 -- 61. Make Peace With Change 168 -- 62. Don't Overanalyze The Flaws 171 -- 63. Choose To Be Supportive (kris) 173 -- 64. Jump Ahead And Look Back 175 -- 65. Remember The Equation: A Happy Person Equals A Happy Partner 178 -- 66. Ask For Dream Updates 181 -- 67. Never Underestimate The Power Of Love 183 -- 68. Don't Let Your Children Come Between You 186 -- 69. Learn To Deflect Occasional Uncalled-for Comments 189 -- 70. Don't Come Home Frazzled 192 -- 71. Ask Your Partner The Question, What's The Most Difficult Part Of Being In A Relationship With Me? 195 -- 72. Don't Question Her (or His) Motives 198 -- 73. Graciously Receive Compliments 201 -- 74. Let Go Of Your Top Three Pet Peeves 203 -- 75. Avoid Absolute Statements (of A Negative Nature) 205 -- 76. Predict The Predictable 207 -- 77. Stop Treating Everything Like An Emergency 209 -- 78. Use Letters As A Communication Tool 211 -- 79. Don't Make Your Partner Walk On Eggshells 214 -- 80. Make A Plan To Become More Loving 217 -- 81. Gracefully Accept Apologies 220 -- 82. Reflect, For A Moment, On All You Don't Do 222 -- 83. Practice Regular Stress Prevention 225 -- 84. Don't Speak For Your Spouse (or Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Fiancee, Or Anyone Else)! 228 -- 85. Conspire To Inspire 230 -- 86. Cast Away Jealousy (kris) 232 -- 87. Allow Your Partner A Few Eccentricities 235 -- 88. Stop Being So Demanding 238 -- 89. When In Doubt, Pause 240 -- 90. Practice Unconditional Love 242 -- 91. Go Ahead And Do It 245 -- 92. Say The Words, I'm Sorry 247 -- 93. Stay Away From Comparisons 250 -- 94. Learn From A Teen 252 -- 95. Step Aside From Stubbornness 255 -- 96. Raise Your Standard Of Living 257 -- 97. Allow Your Partner The Space To Lose It Every Once In A While 260 -- 98. Balance The Act (kris) 262 -- 99. Remember The Magic 265 -- 100. Treasure Each Other 267. Richard Carlson And Kristine Carlson. Contents: Don't sweat the small stuff Make peace with imperfection Let go of the idea that gentle, relaxed people can't be superachievers Be aware of the snowball effect of your thinking Develop your compassion Remind yourself that when you die, your "in-basket" won't be empty Don't interrupt others or finish their sentences Do something nice for someone else and don't tell anyone about it Let others have the glory Learn to live in the present moment Imagine that everyone is enlightened except you Let others be "right" most of the time Become more patient Create "patience practice periods" Be the first one to act loving or reach out Ask yourself the question, "Will this matter a year from now?" Surrender to the fact that life isn't fair Allow yourself to be bored Lower your tolerance to stress Once a week, write a heartfelt letter Imagine yourself at your own funeral. Contents (cont.): Repeat to yourself, "Life isn't an emergency" Experiment with your back burner Spend a moment every day thinking of someone to thank Smile at strangers, look into their eyes, and say hello Set aside quiet time, every day Imagine the people in your life as tiny infants and as one-hundred-year-old adults Seek first to understand Become a better listener Choose your battles wisely Become aware of your moods and don't allow yourself to be fooled by the low ones Life is a test. It is only a test Praise and blame are all the same Practice random acts of kindness Look beyond behavior See the innocence Choose being kind over being right Tell three people (today) how much you love them Practice humility When in doubt about whose turn it is to take out the trash, go ahead and take it out Avoid weatherproofing Spend a moment, every day, thinking of someone to love Become an anthropologist. Contents (cont.): Understand separate realities Develop your own helping rituals Every day, tell at least one person something you like, admire, or appreciate about them Argue for your limitations and they're yours Remember that everything has God's fingerprints on it Resist the urge to criticize Write down your five most stubborn positions and see if you can soften them Just for fun, agree with criticism directed toward you (then watch it go away) Search for the grain of truth in other opinions See the glass as already broken (and everything else too) Understand the statement, "Wherever you go, there you are" Breathe before you speak Be grateful when you're feeling good and graceful when you're feeling bad Become a less aggressive driver Relax Adopt a child through the mail Turn your melodrama into a mellow-drama. Contents (cont.): Read articles and books with entirely different points of view from your own and try to learn something Do one thing at a time Count to ten Practice being in the "eye of the storm" Be flexible with changes in your plans Think of what you have instead of what you want Practice ignoring your negative thoughts Be willing to learn from friends and family Be happy where you are Remember that you become what you practice most Quiet the mind Take up yoga Make service an integral part of your life Do a favor and don't ask for, or expect, one in return Think of your problems as potential teachers Get comfortable not knowing Acknowledge the totality of your being Cut yourself some slack Stop blaming others Become an early riser When trying to be helpful, focus on little things Remember, one hundred years from now, all new people Lighten up Nurture a plant. Contents (cont.): Transform your relationship to your problems The next time you find yourself in an argument, rather than defend your position, see if you can see the other point of view first Redefine a "meaningful accomplishment" Listen to your feelings (They are trying to tell you something) If someone throws you the ball, you don't have to catch it One more passing show Fill your life with love Realize the power of your own thoughts Give up on the idea that "more is better" Keep asking yourself, "What's really important?" Trust your intuitive heart Be open to "what is" Mind your own business Look for the extraordinary in the ordinary Schedule time for your inner work Live this day as if it were your last. It might be! Braille edition of the popular bestseller. "Let go of the idea that gentle, relaxed people can't be super-achievers," advises Dr. Richard Carlson in his widely popular self-help book, DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. In 100 chapters--each only a few pages long--Dr. Carlson shares his ideas for living a calmer, richer life. This book has been on the New York Times bestseller list for 38 weeks and is No. 3 on USA TODAY's Best-Selling Books list. Two small volumes in braille. Amazon.com Review Got a stress case in your life? Of course you do: "Without question, many of us have mastered the neurotic art of spending much of our lives worrying about a variety of things all at once." Carlson's cheerful book aims to make us stop and smell--if not roses--whatever is sitting in front of our noses. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... offers 100 meditations designed to make you appreciate being alive, keep your emotions (especially anger and dissatisfaction) in proper perspective, and cherish other people as the unique miracles they are. It's an owner's manual of the heart, and if you follow the directions, you will be a happier, more harmonious person. Like Stairmasters, oat bran, and other things that are good for you, the meditations take discipline. Even so, some of the strategies are kind of fun: "Imagine the people in your life as tiny infants and as 100-year-old adults." The trouble is, once you start, it's hard to stop. From Library Journal Stress consultant Carlson reads his self-help guide with conviction, his gentle voice clear and persuasive. He presents common-sense advice for living a less hectic and more meaningful, loving life. His essential message is that we get caught up in minutiae, "the small stuff," and never get around to doing what makes us or our loved ones happy. He advises readers to engage in such small acts as paying someone a compliment daily, putting a lid on keeping track of who does what around the house, and writing a letter to a friend. Carlson urges small daily changes and uses examples of improvement from his own life to show how the advice works, making the book ideally suited to the audio format. Tape quality is excellent. Recommended for public libraries.?Nancy R. Ives, SUNY at Geneseo Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. Heartache, anger, insecurities, and just the daily hassles of living together can cause friction in even the most happy couples. And for people whove been together for years, theres the problem of simply taking each other for granted, and not putting enough energy into keeping the relationship vivid and alive. Dont Sweat the Small Stuff in Love shows couples how to live together with revived passion, how not to let the little everyday irritations get to them, and how to appreciate each other in new and exciting ways. In one hundred beautifully written but very practical essays, Richard and Kris Carlson show readers how not to overreact to a loved ones criticism, how to get past old angers, how to let go of your top three pet peeves, and how to choose peace over irritation. They include such helpful advice as thinking before you speak, learning to cast away jealousy, avoiding one-upping, and not confusing your own frustration with a problem in the relationship. Essays such as Try Not to Treat Ordinary Stuff Like Front-Page News and Become a Low-Maintenance Partner will spur discussion with your spouse that will shed new light on even the longest-term relationships. Dont Sweat the Small Stuff in Love is the book that will help make you and your partners life together more peaceful, less stressful and more fun. In Dont Sweat the Small Stuff in Love, readers learn how to improve their relationships by following Richards and Kris Carlsons best personal advice: Learn to Laugh at Yourself Dont Come Home Frazzled Dont Make Your Partner Walk on Eggshells Be Sensitive When You Use Sarcasm Dont Sweat the Occasional Criticism Become a World-Class Listener Look Out for Each Other - and much more. Featured in Don't Sweat the Small Stuff: The Kristine Carlson Story starring Heather Locklear, premiering on LifetimeForm, maintain, and repair meaningful romantic relationships and feel like newlyweds every day with this simple, stress-free approach to love.He's helped 12 million people reduce the stress at home and at work with the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. With this companion book, Richard Carlson partnered with Kristine, his wife of fourteen years, to create an easy, stress-free way to enhance personal relationships.While depression, heartache, and anger are associated with love relationships, stress is rarely identified as a problem. Yet stress is often a factor in failing relationships. In these one hundred brief, beautifully written essays, the authors show readers how not to overreact to a loved one's criticism, how to appreciate your spouse in new ways, how to get past old angers, and many other ways to improve and increase the joy and pleasure that can and should be part of any relationship.Richard and Kristine Carlson illustrate key strategies for creating a lasting connection, including:Don't come home frazzledDon't sweat the occasional criticismBecome a world-class listenerLook out for each other *Don't Sweat the Small Stuff . . . an it's all small stuff* is a book that shows you how to keep from letting the little things in life drive you crazy. In thoughtful and insightful language, author Richard Carlson reveals ways to calm down in the midst of your incredibly hurried, stress-filled life. You can learn to put things in perspective by making the small daily changes he suggests, including advice such as "Think of your problems as potential teachers"; "Remember that when you die, your 'in' box won't be empty"; and "Do one thing at a time." You should also try to live in the present moment, let others have the glory at times, and lower your tolerance to stress. You can write down your most stubborn positions and see if you can soften them, learn to trust your intuitions, and live each day as if it might be your last. With gentle, supportive suggestions, Dr. Carlson reveals ways to make your actions more peaceful and caring, with the added benefit of making your life more calm and stress-free. --Publisher Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it's all small stuff is a book that shows you how to keep from letting the little things in life drive you crazy. In thoughtful and insightful language, author Richard Carlson reveals ways to calm down in the midst of your incredibly hurried, stress-filled life. You can learn to put things in perspective by making the small daily changes he suggests,including advice such as "Think of your problems as potential teachers"; "Remember that when you die, your 'In' box won't be empty"; and "Do one thing at a time." You should also try to live in the present moment, let others have the glory at times, and lower your tolerance to stress. You can write down your most stubborn positions and see if you can soften them, learn to trust your intuitions, and live each day as if it might be your last. With gentle, supportive suggestions, Dr.Carlson reveals ways to make your actions more peaceful and caring, with the added benefit of making your life more calm and stress-free. This groundbreaking inspirational guide--a classic in the self-help genre--shows you how to put challenges in perspective, reduce stress and anxiety through small daily changes, and find the path to achieving your goals. Among the insights it reveals are how to: Think of your problems as potential "teachers" Do one thing at a time Share glory with others Learn to trust your intuitions A collection of 136 short essays, designed to teach the reader simple strategies for living a more fulfilled and peaceful life. The author claims that everyone can put things in perspective by making small daily changes, such as resisting the urge to criticize and being kind rather than right