The Making and Meaning of Relationships in Sri Lanka : An Ethnography on University Students in Colombo

This book proposes that romantic relationships--filtered through various socio-cultural sieves--can lead to the development of affective kin bonds, which underlie our sense of personhood and belonging. Sirisena argues that the process resembles an attempt to make strangers into kin, and that sort of affective relating is a form of self-conscious relationality, in which the inhabitants reflect on their individual and collective needs, as well as their expectations and dreams in the future of their relationships. University students' romantic relationships, which they gloss as 'serious, ' appear to be processual and non-linear, and are considered to be stabilising forces which are pitched against the inherent uncertainty in young people's lives Foreword 6 Series Preface 9 Acknowledgements 11 Contents 13 A Note on Translation and Transliteration 15 Chapter 1 Introduction 24 Part 1: Belonging, Love and Relationality 27 Feeling Selves 27 Love and Continuity 33 Intersubjective Intermingling 42 Part 2: Context and People 44 A Case for Love Marriage 51 Men and Women in Domestic Relationships 54 Situating My Interlocutors 58 Life in the City 64 Part 3: Making of the Book 66 Conducting Fieldwork on Love 66 References 71 Chapter 2 Ruminating on Love and Love Relationships 77 Pure Love and Passionate Love 81 A Youthful Love 86 A Serious Love 90 References 97 Chapter 3 Ayyas and Nangis in Love 98 An Ayya to Protect and a Nangi to Nourish 102 Genes Versus Education 112 References 117 Chapter 4 Making It Real 119 A Different Kind of Gift 122 Meaningful Gifts 128 Gift and Its Locus 131 Haunting Memories 135 References 138 Chapter 5 My World in My Pocket: Phones, Relationships and Expectations 140 It’s All in a Day’s Work 142 Reciprocal Binding 146 Speaking the Language of ‘Ring-Cut’ 149 Expectations 154 Working on the Private/Public Planes with Mobile Contact 158 References 162 Chapter 6 Balancing Between Pleasure and Propriety: Where, What and How 164 It’s a Basic Need! 166 Where, the What and the How of Sex 168 Private Dens in Public Places 170 Borders and Boundaries for Men and Women 176 References 184 Chapter 7 Sex Games: Pleasures and Penance 185 The Push and the Pull 187 “Trap Them In!” 194 An Enabling Environment 198 References 202 Chapter 8 Magēma kenek: On Future and Certainty 203 Sharing Is Caring 205 Trust Is the Key 209 Understanding Is About Thinking and Saying = Trust 217 Trust and (Un)certainty 220 References 222 Chapter 9 Serious Relationships: Intersubjective Intermingling, Fuller Lives and Embodied Emotions 224 Living with Uncertainty 226 The Promise of a Tomorrow 228 Towards a Fuller Life 232 Embodied Emotions 234 References 238 Bibliography 239 Index 252 Front Matter ....Pages i-xxiv Introduction (Mihirini Sirisena)....Pages 1-53 Ruminating on Love and Love Relationships (Mihirini Sirisena)....Pages 55-75 Ayyas and Nangis in Love (Mihirini Sirisena)....Pages 77-97 Making It Real (Mihirini Sirisena)....Pages 99-119 My World in My Pocket: Phones, Relationships and Expectations (Mihirini Sirisena)....Pages 121-144 Balancing Between Pleasure and Propriety: Where, What and How (Mihirini Sirisena)....Pages 145-165 Sex Games: Pleasures and Penance (Mihirini Sirisena)....Pages 167-184 Magēma kenek: On Future and Certainty (Mihirini Sirisena)....Pages 185-205 Serious Relationships: Intersubjective Intermingling, Fuller Lives and Embodied Emotions (Mihirini Sirisena)....Pages 207-221 Back Matter ....Pages 223-242 Annotation This text proposes that romantic relationships - filtered through various socio-cultural sieves - can lead to the development of affective kin bonds, which underlie our sense of personhood and belonging. Sirisena argues that the process resembles an attempt to make strangers into kin, and that sort of affective relating is a form of self-conscious relationality, in which the inhabitants reflect on their individual and collective needs, as well as their expectations and dreams in the future of their relationships. University students' romantic relationships, which they gloss as 'serious,' appear to be processual and non-linear, and are considered to be stabilising forces which are pitched against the inherent uncertainty in young people's lives