The girlfriends' guide to toddlers : a survival manual to the "terrible twos" (and ones and threes) from the first step, the first potty, and the first word ("no") to the last blankie

With a combined total of over 300,000 **Girlfriends' Guides** in print, Vicki Iovine offers the kind of tongue-in-cheek humor and straight-from-the-hip advice that has made her one of today's most popular authorities on child rearing. Now she takes the next step in the **Girlfriends** series by helping mothers deal with that mysterious, baffling, often adorable and frequently alarming being their baby has become--a toddler. The Girlfriends' Guide to ToddlersA survival manual to the "terrible twos" (and ones and threes) from the first step, the first potty and the first word ("no") to the last blankieBy VICKI IOVINEA Perigee BookThe Berkley Publishing GroupCopyright © 1999 Vicki Iovine. All rights reserved.ISBN: 0-399-52438-XChapter One Who Are These People, Anyway?Mother Nature really is so damned smart to give you your child ininfant form first: There might not have been quite so many takersif she were handing out toddlers. Not that toddlers aren't adorable andcaptivating; it's just that it's hard to imagine devoting your life to a personwho breaks your things, eats with her hands and hurls herself onto thefloor if she doesn't get her way if you aren't already hopelessly devotedto the little tyrant. It was awfully nice planning on somebody's part togive you about a year to get to know your baby in a somewhat calm andorderly fashion. As an infant, she may have wreaked havoc with yoursleep patterns, she may have nursed till you thought your breasts wouldfall off, and she may have left you with ten pounds you have no use forbut she probably cooperated most of the time. You dressed her how andwhen you wanted. You put her in her bouncy chair or on a blanket orthe floor. You fed her what you felt was best for her and she generallyaccepted it graciously. But did you get down on your knees and thankyour lucky stars every day that you had such a gift? Oh, no. You, like allthe rest of us, just wouldn't keep the lid on Pandora's box.The Race to Walk You were probably getting so confident about your mothering abilitiesaround the ninth or tenth month that you started hungering for biggerchallenges. All your little one had to do was push to a stand one day whileyou held her in your lap, and ZOOM, you were off to the toddler races.Her walking not only seemed like an exciting new developmental stage foryour child, it became your personal goal, too. Admit it, Girlfriend! Youmay not have pressured her; you may not have let her know in any overtway that the exhilarating feeling of achievement her first two steps gaveyou rivaled that of any climber to reach Everest. You and your mate mayhave tried not to squeal and slap high fives every time she bravely let goof the coffee table to tumble toward the middle of the living room; nonetheless,she got the message she was doing something that rang yourchimes. Think about it; isn't your lower back out of whack to this dayfrom all the mileage you put in walking bent over behind your toddlerand holding her upright hands while she swayed about on pigeon-toedfeet? You may have taken the consumer's digest advice against baby walkers,but I bet you bought at least one push-along toy that helped her staybalanced while moving upright (you know the ones, shaped like minishopping carts—like babies have so much marketing to do).Walking Separates the Toddlers from the Babies Sure, the other baby milestones were fun, especially if sleepingthrough the night was one of them, but really, how many of us senttelegrams when our kids rolled over for the first time? Walking, however,is the lollapalooza of baby achievements. Even if you didn't know thatwhen you first signed up for this parenting job, you learned it soonenough; every parent of a baby over ten months of age is asked, "So,how's the baby? Is he walking yet?" As the mother of four kids whopreferred sitting to walking for at least a year each, I felt a stab every timeI was asked that question. With the first two kids, I lied and told anyonenot likely to visually verify my statement, that they were ready to takeoff "any minute now." I guess I felt that my baby's failure to walk earlywas an indication that the mothering I was giving him wasn't nearly asenriching and, well, good, as I thought it should be. By the time theother two came along, however, the older toddlers had robbed me of my innocenceabout the beauty of walking. If anyone asked me then if my babieswere walking yet, I was just as likely to snarl, "They would be if I evertook them out of their blanket sleepers.... "But I'm getting ahead ofmyself here. When your baby did finally master two-footed locomotion, either inspite of or because of your encouragement, it was a transcendent event.Angels were heard to sing on high, grandparents were called (as were acouple of the other mommies in your baby group; okay, maybe yougloated a little), videos and photos were shot! Your little darling hadachieved his destiny and fulfilled your wishes and dreams for him—hecrossed over from the world of baby to the world of toddler, ON HISOWN TWO FEET! What on earth were you thinking?Which Years Are the Toddler Years? Child development authorities differ greatly on what exactly constitutesa toddler. This is understandable because a one-year-old waddlingaround in a diaper doesn't appear to have much in common with alightning-fast three-year-old preschooler (even if he, too, is still wearing adiaper). Keep in mind that at the beginning of this little life era known astoddlerhood, your child won't yet be able to talk, but by the time he isready for preschool, he will probably be fluent enough to share all of themost intimate details of your home life with all the kids at preschool. Atthe beginning of toddlerhood, he will probably walk with his arms heldout to the side or up in the air for balance, as if all walking surfaces weretightrope wires, and by the end he will be a perpetual motion machine,running, unlocking, opening and closing, jumping and falling until hepasses out. If you end up with a three-year-old like my Girlfriend Shelly'sson, Bentley, you won't only be chugging after a runner, you'll be callingthe fire department to get your climber down from the top of the pergolaat the community center.The Girlfriends' Definition of Toddlers For the purposes of The Girlfriends' Guide to Toddlers, we willfocus on those little people whose abilities range from just learning to walkunassisted (about one year old) to those who are negotiating the challenges ofpreschool (three-year-olds in all their glory). In other words, most of ouranecdotes and advice will focus on those fascinating creatures between theages of one and one day shy of their fourth birthday. Pediatricians andother authorities will certainly have more exacting criteria, but my Girlfriendsand I have noticed that even a one-year-old who is barely toddlingcan exhibit those charming particular personality quirks of toddlerhood,and some of our most cherished three-and-a-half-year-olds are still reluctantto let go of such toddler souvenirs as binkies, bankies and Pull-Ups. After years of watching all our babies enter toddlerhood and comeout on the other side, the Girlfriends and I have identified what we thinkare the behaviors and concerns that make toddlers toddlers: 1. The struggle for independence is the hallmark of this entireage group. Walking is the first step in that direction (yeah, pun) becauseit manifests the child's very real ability to leave its mommy or other symbolof safety and security. Your little one spends much of his toddlerhoodexperimenting with leaving you. Don't cry, Mommy; they almost alwayscome back! Whether they have just toddled into another part of the housewhere you can't see them or they have just waved goodbye to you fortheir first unchaperoned day of preschool, they are learning to separate.We Girlfriends will remind you now and several more times in the Guidethat the goal is to raise a child who can eventually enter the worldwithout you in tow—that's why they invented Miami—the all-Americanreward for a parenting job well done. The universal toddler declaration of independence is the phrase "I domyseff!" You can be late for the most important appointment of your life(like getting your tubes tied), and your usually compliant toddler will pickthat moment to demonstrate his ability to squeeze toothpaste onto histoothbrush and clean his teeth ALL BY HIMSELF. This desire for mastery,terrific though it may be in concept, can be counted on to add a goodfive to ten minutes to the task of getting out of your driveway. This, too,is part of that independence business, and it is sure to affect your life inseveral ways (like migraines and chronic tardiness, in my case). 2. The most dramatic bursts of development you and yourchild will experience occur during these three years. Think of it thisway: Like a flower, an infant grows and blossoms in a sort of slow, constantprogression. Its muscular development is greater with every day. Its hairgradually thickens and grows longer. Even the acts of rolling over and sittingup tend to be progressive and predictable to us eagle-eyed mommies. (Butthat doesn't mean you are guaranteed a divine prediction of when that firstroll will be, so for you moms of toddlers-to-be who are reading ahead,NEVER leave your baby unattended on the bed or changing table.) On the other hand, a toddler can best be compared to a box offireworks with a spark loose inside. One minute the two of you can bequietly reading a picture book about animals together, and the next aRoman candle seems to go off in his head and he becomes a kind ofanimal himself, one that scratches and bites. For six straight days he willspend all his play hours with the Little Tykes kitchen you bought him,then, on the seventh day, he will move the entire kitchen across the roomand place it directly under the cuckoo clock your grandmother gave you,and you will walk in to find him balanced on one foot on top of the plasticmicrowave with his fat little hand around the poor cuckoo's throat. Cause and effect, at least as we overtired and overwrought mothersknow them, have little relevance in the toddler world. Their minds seemto jump around so quickly, usually dragging their moods with them, thattheir little brains should smoke from all the short-circuiting going on inthem. When it all gets to be too mind-bending for even your toddler totolerate, she will blow a gasket altogether and flip out with one of thosetantrums that her generation is so famous for. This is also the age when a toddler, like Cro-Magnon Man, learns touse tools. Don't hold your breath waiting for him to build you a newdeck or kitchen cabinets, but be prepared for your VCR to be "repaired"several times, for all bureau drawers to be liberated from their tracks andfor your car keys to end up in the sandbox, where they were employedfor digging tunnels for your automatic garage door opener to drivethrough. Whether you are the mother of a younger toddler, who wouldstick a fork in a light socket on sheer whim given half a chance, or of anolder toddler, who is able to hit a ball with a bat or connect all the flowersin your wallpaper with a box of push pins, you will find that "tools" area defining aspect of toddlerhood. And, if you'll excuse this bit of genderbias, if you have a boy toddler, he may find that his most favorite toolsare those that can be used as weapons, which includes nearly everything. 3. Children in this age group are "changelings." Stop by anyparent-tot gathering, and you will be sure to hear a mother declare thather toddler has more personalities than Congress. Are they babies? Arethey children? Are they human? Well, the answers to these questions areyes and no. What they really are are creatures petitioning to becomechildren, but who haven't given up their membership in the baby world. First of all, just look at them to see how truly in-between they are.Their feet are almost perfect rectangles and their toes look like decorativefringe rather than functional balancing appendages. They often use theirhands as if they were brooms or shovels, swiping and grasping things likea bear going through a picnic basket. It's only toward the end of toddlerhoodthat most kids can control their fingers accurately enough to pinchtheir baby sister's cheek or use scissors to give themselves a haircut. Andspeaking of hair, at the beginning of toddlerhood, many of these littletykes still have that wispy growth that sentimental mothers hate to cut,but by preschool most of them actually have enough "human" hair tosnarl, tangle and be the final resting place for cookie crumbs and fingerpaints. With really young toddlers, this period of being neither fish nor fowlis usually only moderately confusing because you can be pretty safe treatingthem like big babies most of the time. But by around eighteen months,your luck generally has run out. By then, they are such an amalgam ofcuriosity, energy, frustration, boldness and insecurity that they don't knowwhether to spit or wind their watch, as my father used to say. (Or Somethinglike that.) And there you stand, just dying to help in some way, andnot knowing how to get in. Is a hug the answer? Is a firm "no" the answer?Or should you just turn and run the other way? The Girlfriends and Imaintain that this critical period is second only to pregnancy in the amountof brain damage a mother sustains. It's a constant source of wonder tome that you don't see more mothers lying on the floor of Costco, kickingand screaming right alongside their toddlers, since their frustration levelsmust surely be just as high. Simplistic as it sounds, the time of day can be a big factor in whether yourtoddler is a child or a baby. In my household, toddlers were all grown up andfull of fun and "I do myseff" when they were well rested, like in the morning orafter a nap. Then, as the day dragged on and the frustrations mounted, mytoddlers would start disintegrating right before my eyes. That often results inthe one-two punch that takes all mothers out at the knees: the needs of a crankybaby colliding with Mom's need to make dinner. Even though I'm not raisingtoddlers these days, I still feel my shoulders tighten as the sun goesdown and the local news comes on TV. It can only mean that thedinner-bath-story-drink-of-water-back-patting-stay-in-your-bed obstaclecourse has begun. 4. These little people need to be guided into society (euphemismfor discipline). For the first several months of life, a baby isn'tfaced with the burden of making decisions. She is pretty much a creatureof cause (e.g., hunger) and effect (e.g., crying till somebody gives hersomething to eat). Walking, along with the bigger brain that comes withbeing a person who can do it, creates a whole new set of circumstancesthat can all be lumped under the heading of Choices. This is why disciplinewas invented by the cavewoman, to make sure that most of the choicesmade were acceptable to the mother. Parents of toddlers are constantlytorn between being gloomy control freaks and being completely bulldozedby their child. We want them to be free-spirited, but not near the deepend of a pool. We want them to be creative, but not to blame the petbunny for writing with Sharpies on their shirt. We want them to delightin discovering the magic of the universe, but we want them up, pottied,dressed and breakfasted before we have to leave for work. How does one accomplish this? Well, to be completely candid, withvery mixed results, especially when this is our first run through the toddlergauntlet. Toddlers are so impetuous and unpredictable that we mothersare usually found reacting to one crisis after another rather than methodicallytraining them to understand and adhere to a planned behavioralcode. If sports analogies help you, think of yourself as playing defenseagainst a mini Michael Jordan; it's all reaction, not action. If youoccasionally feel that your best-laid plans for reasoning with your littleperson and helping him to cultivate a sense of freedom within a context ofrespect have collided head-on with a reality in which you yelp before you leap,don't take it too hard. That's usually how it goes for all of us who motherin the toddlerhood trenches. 5. During these three years, little people learn to join the communityof big people. By the time a child turns four, she is officially nolonger a baby. (Even though, as all mothers recite to our children, theywill always be our babies.) Most of these little darlings havean active social life, leave the house for several hours a day to do fun stuffwithout parents, have decided that they are going to marry Daddy and knowprecisely why there is a day in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Heck, puta briefcase under a four-year-old's arm and put him on the subway, and he'llblend in as just another, albeit much shorter, commuter. Toddlers are not yet there. In order to reach that kind of competence,they have to master certain behaviors like sleeping in a bed, using thepotty, and, hey, knowing how to use a fork and spoon wouldn't hurt. Inthe combined experience of my Girlfriends and myself, none of these milestonesis achieved in a day. Not only that, once they are achieved, theycan be forgotten entirely and have to be taught again, and again and, well,you get the picture. 6. During these three years, your child gets a social life. Nolonger just adorable little koala bearlike appendages hanging on the mamamarsupial, toddlers are literally thrusting their way into the world. It's asif there is some irresistible force pulling them away from all that is knownand safe, and toward everything that vigilant mothers try to protect themagainst. There is something achingly symbolic about a baby's learning towalk because with that first step, they are free to walk to whomever theychoose. Up until that time, we parents get to make all decisions regardingwhere they go and who they will meet when they get there. Particularly compelling to toddlers are other people, especially othervery small people, and this is the source of great fun for us parents.For some reason, we moms are drunkenly enthusiastic about our babies' interestin socializing. Like manic campaign managers of miniature politicians,we become strategists for these barely verbal socialites—spendinghours finding playmates for them, scheduling playdates (when in the worlddid that word come into vogue?), wooing the parents of potential playmates,and getting positively giddy over the giving and attending of thecountless birthday, Halloween, Valentine and Groundhog Day parties thatare the toddler traditions. As attractive as being "one of the gang" might be, learning to coexistwith other little heathens can be tough for toddlers. Some kids are asgregarious as game-show hosts, and others have to be pulled screamingfrom their mothers and pushed into interacting. Some are naturally patientand placid, and others simply can't resist pounding on any kid within reach.Most disconcerting of all, toddlers can morph from being one kind of kidto the exact opposite, so you never know whether it's Dr. Jekyll or Mr.Hyde you'll be letting loose on the playground. Helping your toddler adjust to civilization may be the hardest taskyou will face as a parent. It's just all so personal; love me, love my child.If our child is rejected in any way, we are usually the ones who feel thepain. If our child is the one who is careless about the feelings of others,we are the ones who feel we've failed to teach them any sense of morality.Take it from me, it's particularly difficult with your first toddler becauseyou are so easily shocked by the assaults the world can throw in yourdarling's path, usually in the form of someone else's little darling. MyGirlfriend Karen once called me from her car as she was speeding awayfrom a two-year-olds' gymnastics class. One of the other gymnasts hadbitten her little girl right on the face, and Karen didn't know what todo first: call the police or rush for a rabies shot. The bite alone was not whatmade her mental (although it would have been an acceptable defense forhomicide in any mommy court in the land); it was the remark she overheardthe biter's mother tell the gym teacher, "She's just overreactingbecause it's her only child and she doesn't know any better." The implicationwas clear that a more seasoned mom would take this episode instride, apply antibiotic cream and ice and get over it. In a way, the othermother had a point, but I didn't think that our car phone conversationwas the appropriate time to tell Karen. Instead, I encouraged her outrageand judged the obvious lack of parental supervision of the little heathen.It's only right that we Girlfriends should tell you; the first cut reallyis the deepest. 7. Kids this age believe in magic. Reality is a very amorphousconcept for a little person who is stepping out into the world for the firsttime. For example, few things are more wondrous to a toddler than bubbles.They really see these soapy spheres as much more fantastic creationsthan most adults do, and bubbles never fail to elicit screaming and laughingin a gaggle of two-year-olds. They also think blimps are creations of somewizard, as is whistling or the fact that red and blue paint mixed togethermakes purple. Not coincidentally, this is also the age when we parents start weavingour mythologies about everything from Santa to the Easter Bunny toMommy the Monster Killer. Getting to participate in making magic is oneof the greatest satisfactions of being the parent of a toddler because itwakes up and dusts off our old innocence as true believers. I'm prettycrazy about keeping up the myths, but my husband's even more obsessedthan I. He actually goes outside on Christmas morning to bring in snowto sprinkle in front of the fireplace to show Santa's footprints. Normally,you couldn't get him outside in freezing predawn weather even if thehouse were on fire. He also tells our kids that the jelly beans on the flooron Easter morning are Easter Bunny poops. You gotta love a guy like that. Since the true nature of things is still largely unknown to toddlers,even ordinary phenomena like vacuum cleaners, escalators and toilets canlook like big scary monsters. You only have to spend a few hours introducingyour child to the toilet to be introduced to all sorts of toddlerconcerns, from a fear that flushing sucks children in to a worry that theirbeloved poo poos will drown in there and ultimately disappear. This isalso the time when struggling actors dressed up as Big Bird or Barney ata toddler birthday party can send some kids running for their therapists.My daughter used to repeat like a mantra the words "It's only peetend,it's only peetend" just to endure the time all seven of Snow White's dwarfsfollowed her around Disneyland. Another aspect of this belief in magic is that toddlers affix special,feel-good powers to otherwise ordinary things, hence the devotion to the blankieor other lovey. Only a mother of a toddler can know panic in its mosturgent form: when we have arrived home after a day of at least a thousanderrands with toddler in tow, only to discover that the precious magic itemhas disappeared somewhere along the line. I have literally ripped apart theYellow Pages in my frenzy to call everyone from the dry cleaner to thebeauty supply store to the pediatrician's office to find the missing blankiebefore bedtime. **By the way, take this veteran's advice and try to have doubles of any items your toddler has invested with magical powers. It can save your little darling a lot of distress and keep you from going totally gray in an afternoon. 8. Parents of these little changelings are constantly bewildered.The stakes of rearing a human being are enormous and overwhelmingfor any thinking person. We frantic mothers can't help butworry that every little decision we make concerning our toddlers willcement their fate as either the next Bill Gates or the next Unabomber.There are so many bizarre child-rearing philosophies floating around thatwe live in abject terror that we will fail to nip thumb sucking in the budin time to protect our baby from a future of antisocial behavior. Here's the news: Toddlers will learn to accomplish nearly all of themilestones that signify a successful passage through this stage all bythemselves. (I know we've told you that already, but we will again, soeither sigh a breath of relief or just ignore us.) You can demonstrate thefunction of a spoon for weeks or you can keep all spoons hidden in thedrawer, and when his personal DNA says he's ready for a spoon, he'llquickly figure out how to use a spoon. Really try to hear me when I tellyou that you need not teach your child to walk, to climb stairs or to drinkout of a cup. There is a force of nature that compels a healthy and stimulatedtoddler to figure this stuff out on his own. It's that box of fireworksconcept again. Does that mean you're not needed? Of course not. But your job isnot so task-oriented as you might believe. Think of yourself as a sort ofcruise director, like that bouncy woman from The Love Boat. Your job isto provide an attractive array of activities or experiences for your toddler.Taking the analogy further, you can show him where the shuffleboard isplayed and where the sticks are kept, but it's not up to you to repeatedlyteach the proper flick of the wrist in making the shot. In fact, if your littlecruiser decides to use the shuffleboard pucks as cymbals instead, that's hisbusiness. What's needed here is your applause, your encouragement andyour best efforts to ensure that the voyage is as safe and loving as possible. Please don't think I'm suggesting that toddlers aren't paying attentionto you. They are watching you with such intensity it's a wonder you don'tcatch fire. And here's a little parenting secret for you: they not only watchyou, they WORSHIP you. This will not always be the case, so now's yourwindow of opportunity to imprint on your little one's mind all your besthabits and behaviors. They'll pick up on all that and much more. Just waituntil you catch a glimpse of your toddler pretending to be you in animaginary phone conversation—it's a hoot! But you do your best toddlerteaching through being present, loving and as consistent as possible. Thisis something quite different from playing "Hooked on Phonics" tapesevery time the two of you are in the car (as I confess I did with myoldest). Even if your toddler isn't delivering bon mots with the timing ofOscar Wilde, or even stringing two words together, it's time for you to learnthe age-old lesson: "Little pitchers have big ears." I may not fully understandthe meaning of that cliché, but I can vouch for its truth, which is:Your little one might not be talking, but she sure as heck is listening, andunderstanding a lot more than you know. In the big picture, it means yourtoddler is sponging up your "gestalt," the way you feel about her, yourlevel of respect for your mate, the way you address tasks and your disposition.So if your darling's first complete sentence is "You're an ass!"and she says it to her father, don't spend too much time wondering whereshe learned such trashy talk. Later in toddlerhood, your little big-eared pitcher will freely marchinto preschool and announce that Mommy is just like Luke Skywalkerbecause she is going to the doctor to get her face lasered. The teachersand other moms just love inside scoops like that. I, by the way, have madea pact with my children's teachers not to believe what my kids tell meabout them if they promise not to believe what my kids tell them aboutME. Kids may listen and actually understand many of the words used, butthat doesn't mean they pick up the correct nuance or significance. Forthat reason, you have to be careful not to speak of potentially alarmingtopics in front of any toddler, even those who can't yet talk. Once, whenmy oldest was a toddler, my husband and I decided to rent the old surfmovie Endless Summer. What a disaster that little trip down memory laneproved to be. Since we live near the beach, I had to spend the next monthpromising that no big waves were coming to get us.Perpetual Motion Machines Until you have a toddler of your own, other people's stories abouthow traumatic it was chasing their little wobblers around sound just a tadhysterical. I mean really, how hard can it be to keep up with a tiny personwhom any grown-up can outrun in a race? It's when you become thewarden of a toddler yourself that you realize speed isn't the issue, it's thelength of the race and the unpredictability of the terrain. The parents of toddlers are creatures of reaction. When the toddler isin their care, meaning not with a sitter, the grandparents or some verytolerant boarding school, the parents can do little more than run a defensiveline around her; after all, she is completely capable of killing the pets,you and herself if left to her own devices. Sure, we all know the deliciousmoments when they cuddle in our laps to read a picture book or whenthey learn to sing their first song. But on any given day, most parents oftoddlers will agree that a disproportionate amount of time is spent avertinga disaster or cleaning up after one. This is called "spontaneity" by peoplewho are so old that they don't really remember their own children astoddlers, but to those of us living it, it's called psychological warfare.Born to Be Wild As someone who would almost always prefer sitting to standing andlying down to sitting, I'm astonished at how compelling the urge to moveis in a person who has only recently learned to walk. Once they have feltthe wind on their faces and the road beneath their feet, these little scramblershave two speeds, fast asleep or moving quickly. They may sit occasionally,perhaps to eat or to pull everything out of the bottom drawersin your bedroom, but even then their hands are in motion and their eyesare scanning the terrain to see where the next thrill lies. My husband and I are still recovering from the L.A.-New York flightswe made with little people who were obsessed with walking. Travelingwith babies seemed like a day at the beach by compar

When your baby is walking — and you're sprinting to keep up, count on The Girlfriend's Guide to Toddlers to keep you one step ahead! From the author of The Girlfriend's Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood.

Publishers Weekly

Child magazine columnist and author of several other Girlfriends' Guides, Iovine offers entertaining anecdotes and sage advice on raising kids from ages one to three. What makes Iovine an expert? The mother of four openly admits her main qualification is that she and her friends have spent many years raising their own toddlers, and she states that her advice--anecdotal and emotional--isn't endorsed by medical professionals or nutritionists (we [Iovine and her girlfriends] don't know our enzymes from our electrolytes). That said, this seasoned mom knowledgeably walks readers through the toddler trenches, covering such age-appropriate concerns as potty training, play dates, sleep and eating habits--with an emphasis on how mothers can cope. Though Iovine is witty, she can also be philosophical and sentimental, as when she talks about what a toddler really is (somewhere between a baby and a child) or about how--for mothers--a child's first cut is really the deepest. Iovine's fans will be delighted with this latest volume in the Girlfriends' series, and new mothers warily approaching their child's toddlerhood will find that Iovine's take on these challenging years is as reasonable as that of any expert--and quite a bit funnier. (Feb.)