The Gift of Anger : Seven Steps to Uncover the Meaning of Anger and Gain Awareness, True Strength, and Peace

It's Time to Listen to Your Anger Anger is a natural response to feelings of hurt, betrayal, and embarrassment, and a reliable outlet when we feel just plain stressed out. Yet many of us see anger as a negative, potentially dangerous emotion that should be suppressed. But the truth is, anger is a gift—a natural, internal signal that unfailingly identifies an opportunity for healing and growth. The Gift of Anger shows you how to recognize this signal, discover the deeper meaning behind your anger, and change the relationships and situations in your life that frustrate you. In seven simple and effective steps, this book guides you past any level of anger, from mild irritation to rage, and toward a balanced approach to using anger for greater understanding and well-being. By learning to see anger as a gift, you'll be able to: •Regain emotional balance after becoming angry •Identify and name the unmet needs at the root of your anger •Create an action plan for ensuring your needs are met •Understand and forgive others and have compassion for yourself Acknowledgments 10 Introduction: A New Understanding 12 The Need for This Book 13 A Brief Introduction to the Two Stages of Anger 14 If You Need Help 16 Why I Wrote This Book 16 Chapter 1 18 Stage One: Anger As a Protective Reaction 18 The Power-Boost Effect 18 The Three Keys 23 How Anger Prepares You for Stage Two 35 Chapter 2 38 The Power of Stage Two 38 Attribute One: Anger Is Normal 38 Attribute Two: Anger Covers Painful Feelings 39 Attribute Three: Anger Is Uniquely Personal 42 Attribute Four: Anger Is Based on Personal History 44 Attribute Five: Anger Offers the Potential for Change 52 Chapter 3 56 The Nature of Beliefs and Feelings 56 The Feelings Formula 56 Creating and Maintaining Your Beliefs 62 The Power of Frame of Reference 67 Putting It All Together 68 Beginning the Process 70 Chapter 4 72 Step One: Acknowledge Your Anger and Safely Regain Your Emotional Balance 72 Discovering Your Personal Cue 72 Regaining Your Emotional Balance 80 Choose Your Experience 85 The Gift-of-Anger Process 86 Chapter 5 88 Step Two: Notice Your Thoughts and Feelings 88 Explore Your Memory of Your Experience 88 How to Write a Self-Discovery Letter 90 The Gift-of-Anger Process 99 Chapter 6 102 Step Three: Give Yourself Validation 102 The Need for Validation 102 The Gift-of-Anger Process 110 Chapter 7 112 Step Four: Identify Your Unmet Need 112 The Cause and Effect of an Unmet Need 113 Identifying Your Unmet Need 119 The Gift-of-Anger Process 122 Chapter 8 124 Step Five: Take Action to Meet Your Need 124 Guidelines for Meeting Your Need 125 The Gift-of-Anger Process 137 Chapter 9 140 Step Six: Explore the Other Person’s Frame of Reference 140 Why Do It? 140 Your Timing Is Important 142 How to Complete Step Six 144 The Gift-of-Anger Process 153 Chapter 10 156 Step Seven: Free Yourself with Forgiveness 156 The Limits and Gifts of Forgiveness 156 When to Forgive 159 Approaches to Forgiveness 159 Completing the Process 160 The Gift-of-Anger Process 165 Chapter 11 168 When You’re Angry with Yourself 168 The Self-Directed Gift-of-Anger Process 169 Blame, Guilt, Shame, and Hopelessness 177 The Value of At-Onement 178 Some Final Thoughts and Wishes 181 References 184 Contact the Author 186 Introduction : a new understanding -- Stage one : Anger as a protective reaction -- The power of stage two -- The nature of beliefs and feelings -- Step one : Acknowledge your anger and safely regain your emotional balance -- Step two : Notice your thoughts and feelings -- Step three : Give yourself validation -- Step four : Identify your unmet need -- Step five : Take action to meet your need -- Step six : Explore the other person's frame of reference -- Step seven : Free yourself with forgiveness -- When you're angry with yourself.;Anger is a natural response to feelings of hurt, betrayal, and embarrassment, and a reliable outlet when we feel just plain stressed out. Learn to recognize the deeper meaning behind your anger, and change the relationships and situations in your life that frustrate you.