The Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit : An A to Z Lexicon of Empty, Enraging, and Just Plain Stupid Office Talk

This caustically funny Webster’s of the workplace cuts to the true meaning of the inane argot spouted in cubicles and conference rooms across the land. It’s time to face the facts: We live in the Golden Age of Bullshit. And as anyone who has ever worked in an office knows, the corporate world is a veritable sea of B.S.—and we are all drowning in it. Thank God for Lois Beckwith, an actual human being with the courage and moral fiber to cut through the crap (so to speak) and give us citizens of the working world the lowdown on what all this corporate lingua franca actually means. Breathe easy. The Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit will make your job a whole lot easier, telling you how to get ahead ( kissing ass , playing golf ), avoid annoying colleagues (use caller ID ), and ride the elevator without ruining your career (if you gossip , use pronouns, and never talk to the CEO ). If you have ever wondered what a mindshare is (some kind of drug?), puzzled over the meaning of words like impactful or incentivize (here’s a clue: those are not actual words ), or been faced with a glassy-eyed zombie of a coworker singing the praises of synergy , then The Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit is for you! Forget what you learned in Bschool —this handy reference guide will teach you everything you need to know about the empty, enraging, and just plain stupid gobbledygook that masquerades as “communication” in the working world. This caustically funny Webster's of the workplace cuts to the true meaning of the inane argot spouted in cubicles and conference rooms across the land. At a price even an intern can afford and in a handy paperback format that won't weigh down your messenger bag or briefcase, The Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit is a hilarious guide to the smoke-screen terms and passive-aggressive phrases we traffic in every day. Each entry begins with a straight definition followed by a series of alternative meanings that are, of course, what is really meant. Take, for example, the widely used, seemingly innocuous term brainstorming: 1. to generate ideas as a group in an accepting environment and in a free-form manner 2. a supposedly relaxed forum in which no idea is a bad idea ' that is, until you generate a bad idea and are met with uncomfortable silence/looks that suggest you are retarded or really uncool/the feeling that you are about to be fired Beyond deciphering corporate commonplaces, you'll learn the PC term for secret Santa (Holiday Harry); why the Blackberry is "most commonly referred to as a 'Crackberry' due to its highly addictive nature"; and that when a co-worker says "Have a good night", they really mean: "this meaningless, seemingly interminable exchange of small talk is now over. I am no longer speaking to you, and will now flee this awkward social situation. Don't even think of asking which way I'm walking." Just remember to read this only at COB (close of business) to avoid being busted (caught idling by your boss). From the Trade Paperback edition