The Conflict Paradox : Seven Dilemmas at the Core of Disputes

Find the roadmap to resolution at the heart of the conflict The Conflict Paradox is a comprehensive guide to overcoming conflict to arrive at a satisfying resolution. Written by one of the founders of the professional conflict management field and co-published with the American Bar Association, this book outlines the seven major dilemmas that conflict resolution practitioners face every day. Readers will find expert guidance toward getting to the heart of conflict, along with practical tools and techniques for more successful intervention. Using stories, experiences, and reflective exercises to bring these concepts to life, the author provides actionable advice for resolving disputes. Even contradictions that initially seem insurmountable can be overcome. The key is to help disputants change their approach to the seven dilemmas; instead of just seeing each as a duality where one must choose sides, they need to accept them as paradoxes in order to reach agreement. The Conflict Paradox provides a framework with which to analyze conflict and pinpoint the true issues being faced in order to facilitate the implementation of the best possible solution. * Examine the contradictions at the center of almost all conflicts * Explore the seven dilemmas: Competition and Cooperation; Optimism and Realism; Avoidance and Engagement; Principle and Compromise; Emotions and Logic; Impartiality and Advocacy; Autonomy and Community * Understand that the sides of each paradox are interdependent, and learn how to move forward with that knowledge * Discover the tools and techniques that make conflicts less of a hurdle to overcome Conflict is everywhere, and conflict resolution skills are valuable far beyond the professional and legal realms. With insight and creativity, solutions are almost always possible. For conflict resolution professionals looking for a better conflict analysis framework, The Conflict Paradox provides a roadmap to resolution. Cover 1 Title Page 5 Copyright 6 Contents 7 Preface 11 Acknowledgments 17 Chapter 1 The Art of Conflict 23 What We Bring to the Table, and What the Table Brings to Us 28 How Contradictions Make Us Who We Are 31 A Developmental Perspective 34 How Conflict Promotes Less Complex Thinking—and Simpler Thinking Promotes Conflict 36 How We Promote More Complex Thinking 38 Reflections from Practice 40 Chapter 2 Competition and Cooperation 47 Influential Approaches to Cooperation and Competition 50 The Thomas-Kilmann Model 50 Lax, Sebenius, and the Negotiator’s Dilemma 52 Evolution and the Prisoner’s Dilemma 54 The Evolution of Cooperation 57 Evolutionary Lessons from the Prisoner's Dilemma 67 Limits of the Prisoner's Dilemma 69 A New Approach to Cooperation and Competition 73 Reflections for Practice 75 Chapter 3 Optimism and Realism 83 The Faces of Optimism and Realism 86 Optimism and Realism: the Emotional Dimension 87 Embracing Uncertainty: Realistic Thoughts, Optimistic Attitudes 93 The Ethics of Optimism and Realism 104 Integrating Optimism and Realism, Clarity and Doubt 107 Further Reflections from Practice 112 Chapter 4 Avoidance and Engagement 117 The Dimensions of Avoidance and Engagement 121 Behavioral Elements of Avoidance and Engagement 122 Emotional Elements of Avoidance and Engagement 130 Attitudinal Aspects of Avoidance and Engagement 134 Avoiding and Preventing, Engaging and Escalating 138 The Ethical Challenge 141 The Conflict Specialist's Challenge 143 Reflections from Practice 145 Chapter 5 Principle and Compromise 153 Principle Without Compromise Is Seldom Principled 155 Principles Are Pragmatic 164 The Power of Principle and Compromise 170 Values, Interests, and Resources 174 Compromising with Evil 177 Reflections from Practice 181 Chapter 6 Emotions and Logic 189 The Response of Conflict Specialists to the Emotion-Logic Paradox 190 Emotions, Logic, and Decision Making 193 Emotions and Logic in Conflict Work 198 The Language of Feeling and Thinking 203 Feelings About Thoughts, Thoughts About Feelings 203 Sequences and Iterations 205 Narratives 205 Observations 206 Identifying Feelings and Thinking 207 Venting 207 Making Use of Tension in Our Own Experience of Emotion and Logic 207 Follow Others’ Lead 208 What We Feel, How We Think 208 Gender and Culture, Emotions and Logic 213 Reflections from Practice 217 Chapter 7 Neutrality and Advocacy 223 What We Mean by Neutrality 225 Structural Neutrality 226 Behavioral Neutrality 228 Emotional Neutrality 229 Cognitive Neutrality 230 Perceptive Neutrality 230 Aspirational Neutrality 231 How the Elements Interact: A Case Example 231 The Dimensions of Advocacy 233 Advocacy as a Role 234 Advocacy as a Set of Attitudes 235 The Goals of Advocates 237 The Advocate's Skills 238 Emotional Skills 239 Communication Skills 240 Strategic Skills 242 Advocates and Third Parties 242 Susskind and Stulberg: A Classic Debate on Neutrality and Advocacy 247 The Advocate Neutral 250 (Further) Reflections from Practice and Life 254 Chapter 8 Community and Autonomy 259 Identity, Community, Autonomy 260 Integrating Community and Autonomy: The Challenge for Conflict Interveners 270 Staying with Autonomy 271 Maintaining Connection 276 Dealing with Multiple Communities and Attachments 279 Reflections from Practice (and Life) 282 Chapter 9 The Conflict Dialectic: Better Paradoxes, Better Conflict 289 Paradox as a Method 290 Other Paradoxes 295 Process and Substance 296 Substance and Relationship 296 Outcome and Transformation 297 And Still More 298 Overlaps and Synergies 298 Competition and Cooperation 301 Optimism and Realism 302 Avoidance and Engagement 303 Principle and Compromise 304 Emotions and Logic 305 Neutrality and Advocacy 306 Community and Autonomy 307 Society's Essential Paradoxes 309 Final Reflections (and a Final Paradox) 311 References 317 Index 329 EULA 335 "Find the roadmap to resolution at the heart of the conflictThe Conflict Paradox is a comprehensive guide to overcoming conflict to arrive at a satisfying resolution. Written by one of the founders of the professional conflict management field and co-published with the American Bar Association, this book outlines the seven major dilemmas that conflict resolution practitioners face every day. Readers will find expert guidance toward getting to the heart of conflict, along with practical tools and techniques for more successful intervention. Using stories, experiences, and reflective exercises to bring these concepts to life, the author provides actionable advice for resolving disputes. Even contradictions that initially seem insurmountable can be overcome. The key is to help disputants change their approach to the seven dilemmas; instead of just seeing each as a duality where one must choose sides, they need to accept them as paradoxes in order to reach agreement. The Conflict Paradox provides a framework with which to analyze conflict and pinpoint the true issues being faced in order to facilitate the implementation of the best possible solution. Examine the contradictions at the center of almost all conflicts Explore the seven dilemmas: Competition and Cooperation; Optimism and Realism; Avoidance and Engagement; Principle and Compromise; Emotions and Logic; Impartiality and Advocacy; Autonomy and Community Understand that the sides of each paradox are interdependent, and learn how to move forward with that knowledge Discover the tools and techniques that make conflicts less of a hurdle to overcome Conflict is everywhere, and conflict resolution skills are valuable far beyond the professional and legal realms. With insight and creativity, solutions are almost always possible. For conflict resolution professionals looking for a better conflict analysis framework, The Conflict Paradox provides a roadmap to resolution"-- Provided by publisher Find the roadmap to the heart of the conflict The Conflict Paradox is a guide to taking conflict to a more productive place. Written by one of the founders of the professional conflict management field and co-published with the American Bar Association, this book outlines seven major dilemmas that conflict practitioners face every day. Readers will find expert guidance toward getting to the heart of the conflict and will be challenged to adopt a new way to think about the choices disputants face,. They will also be offered practical tools and techniques for more successful intervention. Using stories, experiences, and reflective exercises to bring these concepts to life, the author provides actionable advice for overcoming roadblocks to effective conflict work. Disputants and interveners alike are often stymied by what appear to be unacceptable alternatives,. The Conflict Paradox offers a new way of understanding and working with these so that they become not obstacles but opportunities for helping people move through conflict successfully.. Examine the contradictions at the center of almost all conflicts Learn how to bring competition and cooperation, avoidance and engagement, optimism and realism together to make for more power conflict intervention Deal effectively with the tensions between emotions, and logic, principles and compromise, neutrality and advocacy, community and autonomy Discover the tools and techniques that make conflicts less of a hurdle to overcome and more of an opportunity to pursue Conflict is everywhere, and conflict intervention skills are valuable far beyond the professional and legal realms. With insight and creativity, solutions are almost always possible. For conflict interveners and disputants looking for an effective and creative approach to understanding and working with conflict, The Conflict Paradox provides a powerful and important roadmap for conflict intervention.