The areas of my expertise : a compendium of complete world knowledge compiled with instructive annotation and arranged in useful order by myself

Cover Page 1 Title Page 5 Copyright Page 7 Good Evening 15 A Note on Organization 23 A Note on Sports 23 Contents 25 Part One: What Will Happen in the Future 31 Omens and Portents for the Coming Year 33 Alternate Method for Predicting the Future 38 On Actuaries and Their Tattoos 39 Part Two: Information You Will Find Useful in the Present 43 How to Write a Book: The Fifty-Five Dramatic Situations 44 A Clarification Regarding the Dramatic Situation in Which Humans Fight Animals 48 More Matters Literary: The Six Essentials 49 When Writing, Please Avoid These Failed Palindromes 50 Were You Aware of It? 51 Where to Sell Your Short Stories 52 Idiosyncrasies of the Great Detectives 54 Two Libraries That Are Smaller Than This Book 55 Handy Measurements of Time When You Do Not Have a Watch 55 Jokes That Have Never Produced Laughter 58 Government Programs You Can Take Advantage of TODAY 60 Were You Aware of It? 61 Basics of Snow and Ice Warfare 61 Hints on Building Snow Forts 63 Diversions for the Asthmatic Child Who Cannot Play in the Snow 63 Were You Aware of It? 64 Top Spots for Crabs 64 Secrets of the Mall of America 66 Part Three: What You Did Not Know About the Past 71 History’s Worst Men’s Haircuts 73 Famous Novels That Were Not Originally Published as Books 76 Were You Aware of It? 78 More Surprising Eponyms 79 A Brief Time Line of the Lobster in America 81 Films in Which I, John Hodgman, Have Made Cameo Appearances 84 Prohibition-Era Euphemisms for Alcohol 87 Were You Aware of It? 89 Dog People v. Cat People 90 Were You Aware of It? 93 Beard Manual 93 Some Prophets Who Were Not Actuaries 95 Part Four: What You Did Not Know About Hoboes 99 Hobo Matters 100 Brief Lives of Some NoTable Hoboes 104 Seven Hundred Hobo Names 114 Some Useful Hobo Signs 119 Part Five: Further Information You Can Use Today 127 Five Secrets of Successful Negotiation 128 How to Win a Fight 131 Short Words for Use on Submarines to Preserve Oxygen 135 Some American Telephone Numbers Beginning with “666” 138 All Kinds of Squirrels 139 Lobster-Claw v. Pigeon-Foot Deformities 144 Secrets of Yale University 145 Debated Planets 149 Common Short and Long Cons 150 Part Six: Our 51 United States 159 The States, Their Nicknames and Mottoes, and Other Facts Critical to Safe Travel 160 Part Seven: There is more past than you thought 201 Nine Presidents Who Had Hooks for Hands 202 Were You Aware of It? 204 Colonial Jobs Involving Eels 205 Six Oaths of the Virtuous Child 208 Were You Aware of It? 209 Utopias 210 How to Raise Rabbits for Food and Fur: The Utopian Method 213 Little-Known Laws of Two American Communities 215 Were You Aware of It? 217 Four Famous Monsters and Their Hunters 218 Good Morning 225