Taming Rough Waters

Twelve years ago, she left me My life tumbled into chaos as I turned to drugs to ease the pain. It almost cost me everything, but somehow I managed to fight free of my addiction and piece myself back together. I took my life back and saved myself. I exerted iron control over all aspects of my life. I dominated my work, my personal life, my sex life, with a blackened heart and a hardened soul, never letting another woman in since I was incapable of giving anyone my heart again. Now shes back. I still want her. I crave her like the drugs I left behind. I want her on her knees, her body at the mercy of the pleasure I could give her. But I cant give in. I cant risk my sobriety and trust her no matter how she still pulls at my heart. I wish I could have everything with her, but thats impossible. Id changed too much, become someone else Twelve years ago, I left him I thought I could find happiness in financial security and safety, and escape our poor existence. I didnt trust that our love would be enough, that he would be enough. I walked away, and I didnt realize my mistake until it was too late. Eventually, I found that financial security and safety, but it cost me love, happiness, and my freedom. Now, Im free again, but Im left with nothing besides the child who should have been his and an uncertain future. Now hes back. I still want him. I crave his touch, to feel wanted and loved again. I long for the escape from my hopeless existence that submitting to him and my desires could give me. But I cant undo the past, and guilt and regret eat me up inside. He could never love me again, and his touch only makes me long for things I cant have