Sorrow's profiles : death, grief, and crisis in the family

Death, grief and sorrow are inevitible in human existance. These basic life imperatives concern us all. How to best understand them in an integrated and comprehensive way? How to negotiate the complexity of the emotion they evoke and the thinking they require? How to come to terms with them while navigating our unique grief-journey? Most importantly, how do we grow as individuals and season as persons as a result of the painful voyage? The cargo that this book carries differs significantly from the common fare about mourning and grieving. We die alone, but grief is also always a family affair and a happening that affects an entire community. Western thought, far too exclusively individualistic, focuses on the Spartan griever as if performing a heroic act. Our western approach to grief is also quick-fix and fosters a swift ending to it. This book, on the other hand, showcases the value of grieving as a protracted moment and as interpersonally modulated. As the mainstream documents, the process passes through multiple stages and phases. Beyond expanding the time-frame, this book presents grief as a journey, the abiding meaning of which is that we grow through it, becoming fuller and stronger people Cover 1 Contents 6 About the author 10 Introduction 12 Part I 18 Chapter One: Grief: The algebra of loss 20 Chapter Two: Pase II: Over-binding: Memories and voluptuaries of grief 40 Chapter Three: Phase III: Recovery - The power or failure of the imagination 58 Chapter Four: Gone crazy 76 Part II: Three Concrete Studies on Death in the Family 92 Chapter Five: Study #1: Vigilance for life on a deathwatch: One mother's dying and death 94 Chapter Six: Study #2: The first talk to one's child about death 114 Chapter Seven: Study #3: When home shatters: The death of a brother or sister 130 Part III 140 Chapter Eight: Foundation and framework 142 Chapter Nine: The depressive position 148 Chapter Ten: Re-visioning death: In Heidegger 160 Part IV 174 Chapter Eleven: Towards an alternative approach to intervention 176 Chapter Twelve: Divorce 196 Chapter Thirteen: Malignant currency 206 Chapter Fourteen: On suicide 228 Chapter Fifteen: On murder in Albert Camus 246 Chapter Sixteen: On racism: Who is my neighbour? 262 Part V: Sorrow's Kindred Phenomena 272 Chapter Seventeen: Mercy and revenge 274 Chapter Eighteen: Regret 286 Chapter Nineteen: Regret themes 296 Chapter Twenty: Excursus into time and memory 308 Chapter Twenty One: Unmasking regret's lie 316 Chapter Twenty Two: On longing: In Rumi, and Lorca 324 Chapter Twenty three: Unconcluding reflections 334 Endnotes 342 References 350 Index 366

Death, grief and sorrow are inevitible in human existance. These basic life imperatives concern us all. How to best understand them in an integrated and comprehensive way? How to negotiate the complexity of the emotion they evoke and the thinking they require? How to come to terms with them while navigating our unique grief-journey? Most importantly, how do we grow as individuals and season as persons as a result of the painful voyage?

The cargo that this book carries differs significantly from the common fare about mourning and grieving. We die alone, but grief is also always a family affair and a happening that affects an entire community. Western thought, far too exclusively individualistic, focuses on the Spartan griever as if performing a heroic act. Our western approach to grief is also quick-fix and fosters a swift ending to it.

This book, on the other hand, showcases the value of grieving as a protracted moment and as interpersonally modulated. As the mainstream documents, the process passes through multiple stages and phases. Beyond expanding the time-frame, this book presents grief as a journey, the abiding meaning of which is that we grow through it, becoming fuller and stronger people.

Death, grief and sorrow are inevitable in human existence. These basic life imperatives concern us all. How to best understand them in an integrated and comprehensive way? How to negotiate the complexity of the emotion they evoke and the thinking they require? How to come to terms with them while navigating our unique grief-journey? Most importantly, how do we grow as individuals and season as persons as a result of the painful voyage? The cargo that this book carries differs significantly from the common fare about mourning and grieving. We die alone, but grief is also always a family affair and a happening that affects an entire community. Western thought, far too exclusively individualistic, focuses on the Spartan griever as if performing a heroic act. Our western approach to grief is also quick-fix and fosters a swift ending to it. This book, on the other hand, showcases the value of grieving as a protracted 'moment and as interpersonally modulated. As the mainstream documents, the process passes through multiple stages and phases. Beyond expanding the time-frame, this book presents grief as a journey, the abiding meaning of which is that we grow through it, becoming fuller and stronger people 'Dr. Richard Alapack, sensitively and with deep understanding, orchestrates a survivor's journey through the complex country of sorrow. Alapack challenges and transcends the received scientific view of grief over loss as a well-ordered progression. He appeals to the power of the imagination, broadening our understanding and breaking new ground that exposes both the life-giving and potentially destructive aspects of intense sorrow. This rich, original contribution to the grief literature must be read.'- Freda Woodrow Ph. D., University of Pretoria, South AfricaIn this beautifully tender, sensiti Content: Cover Contents About the author Introduction Part I Chapter One: Grief: The algebra of loss Chapter Two: Pase II: Over-binding: Memories and voluptuaries of grief Chapter Three: Phase III: Recovery -- The power or failure of the imagination Chapter Four: Gone crazy Part II: Three Concrete Studies on Death in the Family Chapter Five: Study #1: Vigilance for life on a deathwatch: One mother's dying and death Chapter Six: Study #2: The first talk to one's child about death Chapter Seven: Study #3: When home shatters: The death of a brother or sister Part III. In this book, the author leads a journey through the depths of authentic sorrow, longing, and despair. Daring us to face death unflinchingly, the author imparts courage to spin in the vortex of personal and collective grief.