So Now You're a Zombie : A Handbook for the Newly Undead

Being undead can be disorienting. Your arms and other appendages tend to rot and fall off. It’s difficult to communicate with a vocabulary limited to moans and gurgles. And that smell! (Yes, it’s you .) But most of all, you must constantly find and ingest human brains. Braaaains!!! What’s a zombie to do? Thankfully, zombiologist John Austin details everything you need to know, as a newly undead soul, to hunt, fight, and feed on the living. As the first handbook written specifically for the undead, So Now You’re a Zombie explains how you ended up in this predicament, the stages of zombification, and what you need to survive in this zombiphobic world. Dozens of helpful diagrams outline attack strategies, such as the Ghoul Reach, the Flanking Zack, the Bite Hold, and the Aerial Fall, to secure your human prey. You’ll even learn how to successfully extract the living from boarded up farmhouses and broken down vehicles. This handbook also explores the upside of being a zombie. Gone are the burdens of employment, taxes, social networks, even basic hygiene, allowing you to focus on simple necessities in “life”: the juicy gray matter found in the skulls of the living. All aspects of the zombie lifestyle are surveyed in this satirical take on an orientation manual for the newly undead. From how one became a zombie in the first place and the stages of zombification to survival mechanisms, this handbook offers specific advice on everything a fresh zombie needs to know about "life" expectancy, hunting techniques, hitching a ride, hand-to-mouth combat, and feeding etiquette. Instructions for extracting the living from boarded up farmhouses and broken down vehicles are included along with dozens of helpful diagrams outlining attack strategies such as the Ghoul Reach, the Flanking Zak, the Bite Hold, and the Aerial Fall for securing human prey and their all-important flesh and brains. Introduction : the road to Brainville -- What the hell am I? -- Your zombie body -- Know your enemy -- Hunting for brains -- Transportation -- Attacking -- Human buffet -- Infecting -- In the end.;A humorous handbook filled with survival strategies for the undead offers tips on how to hunt, fight, and feed, as well as instructions on how to stop a vehicle and where to find the tastiest human brains.