Sharing It All : The Rewards and Struggles of Two-Career Families

I realize more and more that to some degree psychol­ ogists study their own lives. My first studies in the mid-1970s looked at the conflicts that emerge in dual­ career couples as the partners combine their various roles. Ideas for the early studies initially came from con­ versations with clients, friends, and people I met trav­ eling. Soon after the topic of dual careers came up, dis­ cussions of guilt and frustration followed. The partici­ pants in my first studies turned out to be predominantly women. Men expressed little interest in participating. A common response was, "Talk to my wife. " 7 8 PREFACE Ostensibly, husbands saw their partners, but not themselves, as dealing with conflicting roles. Although I presumed this to be somewhat true, I knew from ob­ serving my own husband that my having a career had an immeasurable impact on him. Were men denying something? Were women overly sensitive? Discussions with my husband, which helped me to get a better grasp on what male partners might be feeling, planted the seed for my subsequent book on men in dual-career 1 families, published in 1985. In gathering material for that book, I was struck by the contrast with men's ear­ lier disinterest. Husbands appeared eager to talk about their lives. Their greatest concern-what happens to the children?-became the focus of my last set of studies. Why this book? "Sharing it all" symbolizes the es­ sence of a two-career marriage. I realize more and more that to some degree psycholƯ ogists study their own lives. My first studies in the mid-1970s looked at the conflicts that emerge in dualƯ career couples as the partners combine their various roles. Ideas for the early studies initially came from conƯ versations with clients, friends, and people I met travƯ eling. Soon after the topic of dual careers came up, disƯ cussions of guilt and frustration followed. The particiƯ pants in my first studies turned out to be predominantly women. Men expressed little interest in participating. A common response was, "Talk to my wife." 7 8 PREFACE Ostensibly, husbands saw their partners, but not themselves, as dealing with conflicting roles. Although I presumed this to be somewhat true, I knew from obƯ serving my own husband that my having a career had an immeasurable impact on him. Were men denying something? Were women overly sensitive? Discussions with my husband, which helped me to get a better grasp on what male partners might be feeling, planted the seed for my subsequent book on men in dual-career 1 families, published in 1985. In gathering material for that book, I was struck by the contrast with men's earƯ lier disinterest. Husbands appeared eager to talk about their lives. Their greatest concern-what happens to the children?-became the focus of my last set of studies. Why this book? "Sharing it all" symbolizes the esƯ sence of a two-career marriage Front Matter....Pages 1-18 A Personal Journey....Pages 19-29 Front Matter....Pages 31-31 Women’s Slowly Changing Reality....Pages 33-58 Careers and Caring: Can Men Manage Both?....Pages 59-81 Front Matter....Pages 83-83 The Husband-Wife Relationship....Pages 85-107 What about Children?....Pages 109-144 Two Careers in the Same Family: The Career Side....Pages 145-166 Front Matter....Pages 167-167 Stress and Coping in Two-Career Families....Pages 169-191 How Counseling Can Help....Pages 193-215 What Lies Ahead?....Pages 217-225 Back Matter....Pages 227-249 Looks at the changes in marriage brought about by two-career families, discusses common problem areas, and offers advice on stress, personal values, child care, and counseling Lucia A. Gilbert. Includes Index. Bibliography: P. 237-239.