Pundamentalist: 1,000 jokes you (probably) haven't heard before

**'**For a collection of **good old-fashioned gags, it's one of the best out there**, a rich buffet of inventive wordplay that's best savoured a little at a time to fully appreciate the joy of these **perfectly-constructed morsels.** **For original, hilarious gags you'll want to share, this is the real deal.'** - Chortle 'A **rollicking joyride**. . . __Pundamentalist__ has **puns for the whole family**: rude ones, daft ones, deft ones, stinkers and absolute belters.' - British Comedy Guide Gary Delaney, one-liner extraordinaire, has appeared on shows like Mock the Week and written for the likes of Jimmy Carr, Jason Manford, and James Corden. Now, for the first time, comes the first collection of his finest jokes. Featuring the likes of: __Garden centres can't reopen fast enough for me, I've been living on borrowed thyme. We can't even afford a garden, so when my girlfriend bought us a trampoline I hit the roof. Sure everyone cares about straws killing dolphins now, but they've been breaking camels' backs for years. Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, which explains why Prince Andrew is so stupid. Sad news: The British simile champion has died. We shall not see his like again. My mom doesn't trust my dad's secretary. I asked her why, and she just said 'I've seen her type before'. Today someone told me that I look good with a salt 'n' pepper beard, so I took that as a condiment. My French pen friend just said 'Le Monde', which means the world to me. Can anyone tell me what FOMO stands for? Everyone else seems to know. Actors have got Equity, Magicians have got the Magic Circle, but it's a shame ventriloquists don't have anyone to speak for them. Does anyone know if it's safe to dye your pubes? It's a bit of a grey area.__ And make sure you look out for Gary's next book, about Stockholm Syndrome: it starts off badly but by the end you'll really enjoy it . . . ' For a collection of good old-fashioned gags, it's one of the best out there , a rich buffet of inventive wordplay that's best savoured a little at a time to fully appreciate the joy of these perfectly-constructed morsels. For original, hilarious gags you'll want to share, this is the real deal.' - Chortle 'A rollicking joyride . . . Pundamentalist has puns for the whole family : rude ones, daft ones, deft ones, stinkers and absolute belters.' - British Comedy Guide Gary Delaney, one-liner extraordinaire, has appeared on shows like Mock the Week and written for the likes of Jimmy Carr, Jason Manford, and James Corden. Now, for the first time, comes the first collection of his finest jokes. Featuring the likes of: Garden centres can't reopen fast enough for me, I've been living on borrowed thyme. We can't even afford a garden, so when my girlfriend bought us a trampoline I hit the roof. Sure everyone cares about straws killing dolphins now, but they've been breaking camels' backs for years. Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, which explains why Prince Andrew is so stupid. Sad news: The British simile champion has died. We shall not see his like again. My mom doesn't trust my dad's secretary. I asked her why, and she just said 'I've seen her type before'. Today someone told me that I look good with a salt 'n' pepper beard, so I took that as a condiment. My French pen friend just said 'Le Monde', which means the world to me. Can anyone tell me what FOMO stands for? Everyone else seems to know. Actors have got Equity, Magicians have got the Magic Circle, but it's a shame ventriloquists don't have anyone to speak for them. Does anyone know if it's safe to dye your pubes? It's a bit of a grey area. And make sure you look out for Gary's next book, about Stockholm Syndrome: it starts off badly but by the end you'll really enjoy it . . . Gary Delany, One-liner Extraordinaire, Has Appeared On Shows Like Mock The Week And Written For The Likes Of Jimmy Carr, Micky Flanagan And Many Many More. Now, For The First Time, Comes The First Collection Of His Finest Jokes. Featuring The Likes Of: I'd Have Five Pounds On The Dalai Lama If I Was A Tibetan Man. After I Insulted Him Dan Brown Named A Character After Me In His Next Novel. So Now I'm In His Bad Books. People Who Say That Ketamine Should Be Banned Should Get Down Off Their High Horse. Just Been To A Camouflage Swingers Party. We All Chucked Our Khakis Into A Bowl. If Anyone's Got Any Tips On How To Reverse Cheap Plastic Surgery, I'm All Ears. I Told My Girlfriend I Don't Want To Go To An Eighties Fancy Dress Party, But She Remains Adamant. When My Trampoline Class Was Moved Indoors I Hit The Roof. Honestly, That Roadrunner's Pretty Selfish. It's All Meep, Meep, Meep. I Could Tell It Was A Monopoly Board From The Word Go. And Make Sure You Look Out For Gary's Next Book, About Stockholm Syndrome: It Starts Off Badly But By The End You'll Really Enjoy It . . . The first collection of hilarious jokes from Gary Delaney, award-winning comedian and star of Mock the Week, Live at the Apollo and House of Games