Prodependence : moving beyond codependency

Human beings are meant to work together, not to go it alone. We enter the world reliant on others for shelter, nutrition, and emotional support, and these core requirements to do not change as we grow older. Yet somehow, as we move into adulthood, our intrinsic need for emotional connection (i.e., love) gets discounted. This despite the fact that people who spend their lives "apart from" rather than "a part of" do not function as well as those who feel emotionally connected. Nowhere is this more apparent than when dealing with addiction. Nevertheless, loved ones of addicts, instead of being encouraged to care for themselves as well as their addicted loved one, are often encouraged to care for themselves__instead of__their addicted loved one."Prodependence," a new psychological term created by Robert Weiss and Stefanie Carnes to describe healthy interdependence in the modern world, turns this around. Rather that preaching detachment and distance over continued bonding and assistance, as so many therapists, self-help books, and 12-step groups currently do, prodependence celebrates the human need for and pursuit of intimate connection, viewing this as a positive force for change. Simply stated, prodependence occurs when attachment relationships are mutually beneficial--with one person's strengths filling in the weak points of the other, and vice versa. And this can occur even when an addiction is present.In__Prodependence__, Weiss and Carnes present a research-based social and psychological understanding of human interdependence. This groundbreaking work presents a new paradigm for useful and healthy support, offering both the lay reader and professional an evolved prism through which they can examine, evaluate, and improve not just relationships affected by addiction (though that's the primary focus of this book), but relationships in general. Human beings are meant to work together, not to go it alone. We enter the world reliant on others for shelter, nutrition, and emotional support, and these core requirements to do not change as we grow older. Yet somehow, as we move into adulthood, our intrinsic need for emotional connection (i.e., love) gets discounted. This despite the fact that people who spend their lives "apart from" rather than "a part of" do not function as well as those who feel emotionally connected. Nowhere is this more apparent than when dealing with addiction. Nevertheless, loved ones of addicts, instead of being encouraged to care for themselves as well as their addicted loved one, are often encouraged to care for themselves instead of their addicted loved one. "Prodependence," a new psychological term created by Robert Weiss and Stefanie Carnes to describe healthy interdependence in the modern world, turns this around. Rather that preaching detachment and distance over continued bonding and assistance, as so many therapists, self-help books, and 12-step groups currently do, prodependence celebrates the human need for and pursuit of intimate connection, viewing this as a positive force for change. Simply stated, prodependence occurs when attachment relationships are mutually beneficial--with one person's strengths filling in the weak points of the other, and vice versa. And this can occur even when an addiction is present. In Prodependence , Weiss and Carnes present a research-based social and psychological understanding of human interdependence. This groundbreaking work presents a new paradigm for useful and healthy support, offering both the lay reader and professional an evolved prism through which they can examine, evaluate, and improve not just relationships affected by addiction (though that's the primary focus of this book), but relationships in general. Do you love an addict? Do you sometimes feel like their addiction is your fault? Are people calling you codependent? If our treatment toward loved ones of addicts alienates them, it's time we change our approach. With Prodependence, Dr. Robert Weiss offers us the first fully new paradigm in over 35 years for helping those who love and care for addicts. An attachment-focused model, prodependence recognizes that no one can ever love too much, nor should anyone be pathologized for whomever they choose to love as is often the case. Prodependence informs caregivers how to love more effectively, but without having to bear a negative label for the valuable support they give. When treating loved ones of addicts and other troubled people using prodependence, we need not find something "wrong" with them. Instead, we acknowledge the trauma and inherent dysfunction that occurs when living in relationship with someone whose life is failing and keep moving forward. Validating a caregiver's painful journey for what it is opens the door to support them in useful, non-shaming ways. Helping people take incremental, positive steps toward intimate healing is what Prodependence is all about! In Prodependence, Weiss presents a research-based social and psychological understanding of human interdependence, accepting and even celebrating human interdependency in ways that are healthy and life-affirming for each person. This work presents a new paradigm for useful and healthy support in the face of addiction, offering both the lay reader and professional an evolved prism through which they can examine, evaluate, and improve not just relationships affected by addiction (though that's the primary focus of this book), but relationships in general. Prodependence, a new psychological term created by Robert Weiss to describe healthy interdependence in the modern world, turns this around. Rather that preaching detachment and distance over continued bonding and assistance, as so many therapists, self-help books, and 12-step groups currently do, prodependence celebrates the human need for and pursuit of intimate connection, viewing this as a positive force for change