Mistakes were made (but not by me) : why we justify foolish beliefs, bad decisions, and hurtful acts

Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up when they screw up? Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves? Are we all liars? Or do we really believe the stories we tell?Renowned social psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson take a compelling look into how the brain is wired for self-justification. When we make mistakes, we must calm the cognitive dissonance that jars our feelings of self-worth. And so we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility, restoring our belief that we are smart, moral, and right—a belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, immoral, and wrong.Backed by years of research and delivered in lively, energetic prose, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception—how it works, the harm it can cause, and how we can overcome it. At some point we all make a bad decision, do something that harms another person, or cling to an outdated belief. When we do, we strive to reduce the cognitive dissonance that results from feeling that we, who are smart, moral, and right, just did something that was dumb, immoral, or wrong. Whether the consequences are trivial or tragic, it is difficult, and for some people impossible, to say, “I made a terrible mistake.” The higher the stakes—emotional, financial, moral—the greater that difficulty. Self-justification, the hardwired mechanism that blinds us to the possibility that we were wrong, has benefits: It lets us sleep at night and keeps us from torturing ourselves with regrets. But it can also block our ability to see our faults and errors. It legitimizes prejudice and corruption, distorts memory, and generates anger and rifts. It can keep prosecutors from admitting they put an innocent person in prison and from correcting that injustice, and it can keep politicians unable to change disastrous policies that cost billions of dollars and thousands of lives. In our private lives, it can be the death of love. Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) examines: - Why we have so much trouble accepting information that conflicts with a belief we “know for sure” is right. - The brain’s “blind spots” that make us unable to see our own prejudices, biases, corrupting influences, and hypocrisies. - Why our memories tell more about what we believe now than what really happened then. - How couples can break out of the spiral of blame and defensiveness. - The evil that men and women can do in the name of God, country, and justice -- and why they don’t see their actions as evil at all. - Why random acts of kindness create a “virtuous cycle” that perpetuates itself. Most of all, this book explains how all of us can learn to own up and let go of the need to be right, and learn from the times we are wrong—so that we don't keep making the same mistakes over and over again. http://www.mistakesweremadebutnotbyme.com/ Two Distinguished Psychologists Look At The Role Of Self-justification In Human Life, Explaining How And Why We Create Fictions That Absolve Us Of Responsibility And Restore Our Belief In Our Intelligence, Moral Rectitude, And Correctness; Assess The Potential Repercussions Of Such A Course Of Action; And Reveal How It Can Be Overcome. Knaves, Fools, Villains And Hypocrites : How Do They Live With Themselves? -- Cognitive Dissonance : The Engine Of Self-justification -- Pride And Prejudice-- And Other Blind Spots -- Memory, The Self-justifying Historian -- Good Intentions, Bad Science : The Closed Loop Of Clinical Judgment -- Law And Disorder -- Love's Assassin : Self-justification In Marriage -- Wounds, Rifts, And Wars -- Letting Go And Owning Up. Carol Tavris And Elliot Aronson. Originally Published: Orlando, Fla. : Harcourt, C2007. Includes Bibliographical References (p. [239]-276) And Index. Renowned social psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson take a compelling look into how the brain is wired for self-justification. Why is it so hard to say I made a mistakeand really believe it? When we make mistakes, cling to outdated attitudes, or mistreat other people, we must calm the cognitive dissonance that jars our feelings of self-worth. And so, unconsciously, we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility, restoring our belief that we are smart, moral, and righta belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, immoral, and wrong. Backed by years of research, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-justificationhow it works, the damage it can cause, and how we can overcome it. This updated edition concludes with an extended discussion of how we can live with dissonance; learn from it; and perhaps, eventually, forgive ourselves. "Renowned social psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson take a compelling look into how the brain is wired for self-justification. When we make mistakes, we must calm the cognitive dissonance that jars our feelings of self-worth. And so we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility, restoring our belief that we are smart, moral, and right-a belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, immoral, and wrong"--Provided by publisher Explains how and why we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility and restore our belief in our intelligence, moral rectitude, and correctness; assesses the potential repercussions of such a course of action; and reveals how it can be overcome