Mark Twain's Guide to Diet, Exercise, Beauty, Fashion, Investment, Romance, Health and Happiness

A SATIRICAL SELF-HELP GUIDE SHOWCASING MARK TWAIN’S WITTIEST QUOTES ABOUT THE LIFE WELL LIVED.This illustrated collection of Mark Twain quotes presents the best of the curmudgeonly writer’s thoughts on diet, exercise, medicine, smoking, drinking, romance, parenting, old age, fashion, finances, politics, & religion.Curated by Twain expert Mark Dawidziak, it’s the perfect gift for anyone who’s had enough of Gwyneth’s self-righteous advice. And even though it’s packed with wicked humor & anti-advice, it’s actually rich with wisdom as well.° Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.° As for drinking, I have no rule about that. When the others drink I like to help.° I have seen slower, quieter, more listless, lazier people than I am, but they were dead.° Familiarity breeds contempt — & children.° Do not put off until tomorrow what can be put off till day-after-tomorrow just as well. Mark Dawidziak is the author or editor of about 25 books, including 3 studies of landmark television series: The Columbo Phile: A Casebook, The Night Stalker Companion & Everything I Need to Know I Learned in The Twilight Zone, his lighthearted 2017 tribute to Rod Serling’s TV series. “Here is the master in all of his certainty, humor, and undertow”—this book“wonderfully underscores how contemporary Mark Twain is and always will be” (Ken Burns). Curated by a noted Mark Twain scholar who mined many of his lesser-known texts, speeches, and notebooks, this collection presents the best of the curmudgeonly author’s thoughts on many of life’s endeavors and distractions—from diet and exercise to medicine, smoking, drinking, romance, parenting, old age, fashion, finances, politics, and stress management. Always entertaining and unapologetically honest, Twain’s sage advice for the ages will leave you laughing—and might even inspire you to rethink that plan to give up gluten and join a CrossFit class. On politics: “Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” On happiness: “There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist.” On parenthood: “Familiarity breeds contempt—and children.” On exercise: “I have seen slower people than I am . . . and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.” On stress management: “Let us swear while we may, for in Heaven it will not be allowed.” "Here is the master in all of his certainty, humor, and undertow"—this book "wonderfully underscores how contemporary Mark Twain is and always will be" (Ken Burns). Curated by a noted Mark Twain scholar who mined many of his lesser-known texts, speeches, and notebooks, this collection presents the best of the curmudgeonly author's thoughts on many of life's endeavors and distractions—from diet and exercise to medicine, smoking, drinking, romance, parenting, old age, fashion, finances, politics, and stress management. Always entertaining and unapologetically honest, Twain's sage advice for the ages will leave you laughing—and might even inspire you to rethink that plan to give up gluten and join a CrossFit class. On politics: "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." On happiness: "There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist." On parenthood: "Familiarity breeds contempt—and children." On exercise : "I have seen slower people than I am . . . and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead." On stress management: "Let us swear while we may, for in Heaven it will not be allowed." Introduction: The Comfortable Road ; Chapter One: Exercise; Chapter Two: Diet ; Chapter Three: Sleep & Rest ; Chapter Four: Smoking ; Chapter Five: Drinking ; Chapter Six: Curing a Cold ; Chapter Seven: Stress Management ; Chapter Eight: Anger Management ; Chapter Nine: Maintaining a Positive Outlook ; Chapter Ten:Beauty Tips ; Chapter Eleven: Fashion; Chapter Twelve: Finance & Investment ; Chapter Thirteen: Experience & Education ; Chapter Fourteen: Political Philosophy; Chapter Fifteen: Religious Matters; Chapter Sixteen: Surviving Childhood.;The television critic at the Cleveland Plain Dealer since 1999, Mark Dawidziak is the author of many books, including the 1994 horror novel Grave Secrets and two histories of landmark TV series: The Columbo Phile: A Casebook (1989) and The Night Stalker Companion (1997). A recognized Mark Twain scholar, his acclaimed books on the author include Mark My Words: Mark Twain on Writing (1996) and Horton Foote's The Shape of the River: The Lost Teleplay About Mark Twain (2003). He is also a playwright, director and actor in northeast Ohio, where he lives with his wife and daughter, as well as an adj. This collection of Mark Twain quotes presents the best of the curmudgeonly writer's thoughts on diet, exercise, medicine, smoking, drinking, romance, parenting, old age, fashion, finances, politics, and stress management. Curated by a well-known Twain expert and mining lesser-known texts, speeches, and notebooks, it's the perfect gift for anyone who's had enough of Gwyneth's self-righteous advice and the ramblings of the blogosphere. "Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any."—from an April 15, 1882 speech "Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."—from Pudd'nhead Wilson "The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands."—from "How I Edited an Agricultural Paper" Mark Dawidziak has been the television critic at the Cleveland Plain Dealer since 1999 and is the author of many books, including... Introduction: The Comfortable Road Chapter One: Exercise Chapter Two: Diet Chapter Three: Sleep & Rest Chapter Four: Smoking Chapter Five: Drinking Chapter Six: Curing a Cold Chapter Seven: Stress Management Chapter Eight: Anger Management Chapter Nine: Maintaining a Positive Outlook Chapter Ten:Beauty Tips Chapter Eleven: Fashion Chapter Twelve: Finance & Investment Chapter Thirteen: Experience & Education Chapter Fourteen: Political Philosophy Chapter Fifteen: Religious Matters Chapter Sixteen: Surviving Childhood. Chapter Seventeen: Romance & Marriage Chapter Eighteen: Parenthood Chapter Nineteen, Reaching Old Age, Finding Wisdom Chapter Twenty: The End of the Road? Acknowledgments About the Author. "A satirical self-help gift book showcasing Mark Twain's wittiest quotes about the life well lived"-- Provided by publisher