Love Is a Story : A New Theory of Relationships

In this groundbreaking work, Robert Sternberg opens the book of love and shows you how to discover your own story―and how to read your relationships in a whole new light. What draws us so strongly to some people and repels us from others? What makes some relationships work so smoothly and others burst into flames? Sternberg gives us new answers to these questions by showing that the kind of relationship we create depends on the kind of love stories we carry inside us. Drawing on extensive research and fascinating examples of real couples, Sternberg identifies 26 types of love story―including the fantasy story, the business story, the collector story, the horror story, and many others―each with its distinctive advantages and pitfalls, and many of which are clashingly incompatible. These are the largely unconscious preconceptions that guide our romantic choices, and it is only by becoming aware of the kind of story we have about love that we gain the freedom to create more fulfilling and lasting relationships. As long as we remain oblivious to the role our stories play, we are likely to repeat the same mistakes again and again. But the enlivening good news this book brings us is that though our stories drive us, we can revise them and learn to choose partners whose stories are more compatible with our own. Quizzes in each chapter help you to see which stories you identify with most strongly and which apply to your partner. Are you a traveler, a gardener, a teacher, or something else entirely? Love is a Story shows you how to find out. Review Love is a Story comes to us from one of America's most insightful and clear-headed thinkers on the perplexing subject of love. I've long been a fan of Robert Sternberg, whose theories of relationships have proven enormously useful in my own work. -- Dr. Judith Sills, author of the bestselling Excess Baggage, and Loving Men More, Needing Men Less About the Author Robert J. Sternberg, Ph.D., is IBM Professor of Psychology and Education at Yale University. He is the coauthor of Satisfaction in Close Relationships, the author of Successful Intelligence, Thinking Styles and many other books and articles. He lives in Hamden, Connecticut.

in This Groundbreaking Work, Robert Sternberg Opens The Book Of Love And Shows You How To Discover Your Own Story—and How To Read Your Relationships In A Whole New Light.
What Draws Us So Strongly To Some People And Repels Us From Others? What Makes Some Relationships Work So Smoothly And Others Burst Into Flames? Sternberg Gives Us New Answers To These Questions By Showing That The Kind Of Relationship We Create Depends On The Kind Of Love Stories We Carry Inside Us. Drawing On Extensive Research And Fascinating Examples Of Real Couples, Sternberg Identifies 26 Types Of Love Story—including The Fantasy Story, The Business Story, The Collector Story, The Horror Story, And Many Others—each With Its Distinctive Advantages And Pitfalls, And Many Of Which Are Clashingly Incompatible. These Are The Largely Unconscious Preconceptions That Guide Our Romantic Choices, And It Is Only By Becoming Aware Of The Kind Of Story We Have About Love That We Gain The Freedom To Create More Fulfilling And Lasting Relationships. As Long As We Remain Oblivious To The Role Our Stories Play, We Are Likely To Repeat The Same Mistakes Again And Again. But The Enlivening Good News This Book Brings Us Is That Though Our Stories Drive Us, We Can Revise Them And Learn To Choose Partners Whose Stories Are More Compatible With Our Own.
Quizzes In Each Chapter Help You To See Which Stories You Identify With Most Strongly And Which Apply To Your Partner. Are You A Traveler, A Gardener, A Teacher, Or Something Else Entirely? love Is A Story Shows You How To Find Out.

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why Are People Romantically Attracted To Certain Individuals And Not To Others? Why Do Some Love Relationships Last And Others Fail? Fascinated With These And Similar Questions, Sternberg (psychology And Education, Yale) Conducted Extensive Research With Couples And Developed A Novel Interpretation Of Relationships. According To Sternberg, Each Person (usually Unconsciously) Sees Him- Or Herself As The Protagonist In A Love Story. Friction Arises When Partners Hold Differing Stories. Sternberg Has Identified 25 Romantic Themes Or Stories Applicable To Short- And Long-term Relationships, Ranging From The Fantasy Fairy Tale (happy Ever After) To The Business Partnership. For Each Story, Case Studies Are Given, Dynamics Explained, And The Benefits And Disadvantages Of The Story Discussed. Also Included Are Statements From An Inventory Developed To Identify Story Themes. Sternberg Holds That Relationships Can Be Improved By Becoming Aware Of Our Stories, Understanding The Role They Play In Our Lives, And Revising Our Stories To Meet Our Needs. Recommended For Popular Psychology Collections.lucille M. Boone, San Jose P.l., Cal.

What draws us so strongly to some people and repels us from others? What makes some relationships work so smoothly and others burst into flames? Sternberg gives us new answers to these questions by showing that the kind of relationship we create depends on the kind of love stories we carry inside us. Drawing on extensive research and fascinating examples of real couples, Sternberg identifies 26 types of love story -- including the fantasy story, the business story, the collector story, the horror story, and many others -- each with its distinctive advantages and pitfalls, and many of which are clashingly incompatible. These are the largely unconscious preconceptions that guide our romantic choices, and it is only by becoming aware of the kind of story we have about love that we gain the freedom to create more fulfilling and lasting relationships. As long as we remain oblivious to the role our stories play, we are likely to repeat the same mistakes again and again. But the enlivening good news this book brings us is that though our stories drive us, we can revise them and learn to choose partners whose stories are more compatible with our own. Quizzes in each chapter help you to see which stories you identify with most strongly and which apply to your partner. -- From publisher's description CONTENTS......Page 8 PREFACE......Page 10 I: THE STORIES WE TELL......Page 14 Love as a Story......Page 16 Our Multiple Stones of Love......Page 26 Story Elements......Page 34 Some Kinds of Stories......Page 39 Where Do Stories Come From, and Where Can They Go?......Page 44 II: LOVE STORIES......Page 58 The Teacher-Student Story......Page 62 The Sacrifice Story......Page 68 The Government Story......Page 73 The Police Story......Page 81 The Pornography Story......Page 88 The Horror Story......Page 95 PERSON AS OBJECT......Page 103 RELATIONSHIP AS OBJECT......Page 121 The Travel Story......Page 148 The Sewing and Knitting Story......Page 154 The Garden Story......Page 160 The Business Story......Page 165 The Addiction Story......Page 170 The Fantasy Story......Page 178 The History Story......Page 184 The Science Story......Page 192 The Cookbook Story......Page 198 The War Story......Page 206 The Theater Story......Page 211 The Humor Story......Page 217 The Mystery Story......Page 222 III: IMPLICATIONS......Page 230 Testing the Story View......Page 232 What Is Love?......Page 238 NOTES......Page 244 C......Page 250 O......Page 251 T......Page 252 Z......Page 253 I. The Stories We Tell. Love As A Story. Our Multiple Stories Of Love. Story Elements. Some Kinds Of Stories. Where Do Stories Come From, And Where Can They Go? -- Ii. Love Stories. Asymmetrical Stories. The Teacher-student Story. The Sacrifice Story. The Government Story. The Police Story. The Pornography Story. The Horror Story. Object Stories. Person As Object. The Science-fiction Story. The Collection Story. The Art Story. Relationship As Object. The House And Home Story. The Recovery Story. The Religion Story. The Game Story. Coordination Stories. The Travel Story. The Sewing And Knitting Story. The Garden Story. The Business Story. The Addiction Story. Narrative Stories. The Fantasy Story. The History Story. The Science Story. Robert J. Sternberg. Includes Bibliographical References (p. 231-236) And Index. PREFACE; I: THE STORIES WE TELL; Love as a Story; Our Multiple Stones of Love; Story Elements; Some Kinds of Stories; Where Do Stories Come From, and Where Can They Go?; II: LOVE STORIES; Asymmetrical Stories; Object Stories; Coordination Stories; Narrative Stories; Genre Stories; III: IMPLICATIONS; Testing the Story View; What Is Love?; NOTES; INDEX; A; B; C; D; E; F; G; H; I; J; K; L; M; N; O; P; R; S; T; W; Y; Z. Drawing on extensive research and case studies, a psychologist looks at twenty-six different types of love and their implications for developing a firm and lasting relationship with a partner Zach and Tammy have been married for twenty-eight years.