Living Like You Mean It : Use the Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life You Really Want

In LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT, author Ronald J. Frederick, does a brilliant job of describing why people are so afraid of their emotions and how this fear creates a variety of problems in their lives. While the problems are different, the underlying issue is often the same. At the core of their distress is what Dr. Frederick refers to as feelings phobia. Whether it s the experience of love, joy, anger, sadness, or surprise, our inborn ability to be a fully feeling person has been hijacked by fear--and it s fear that s keeping us from a better life. The book begins with a questionnaire-style list that help readers take an honest look at themselves and recognize whether and how they are afraid of their feelings. It then moves on to explore the origins of fear of feeling and introduces a four-part program for overcoming the fear: (1) Become aware of and learn to recognize feelings--anger, sadness, joy, love, fear, guilt/shame, surprise, disgust. (2) Master techniques for taming the fear. (3) Let the feeling work its way all the way through to its resolution. (4) Open up and put those feelings into words and communicate them confidently. With wisdom, humor, and compassion, the book uses stories and examples to help readers see that overcoming feelings phobia is the key to a better life and more fulfilling relationships. Living Like You Mean It: Use the Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life You Really Want 6 Contents 8 Acknowledgments 10 Introduction 16 Part I: Preparation 28 Chapter 1: To Feel or Not to Feel 30 A PHOBIA OF SORTS 32 RECOGNIZING THE SIGNS 35 TO BE OR NOT TO BE 46 CHAPTER TAKE-HOME POINTS 49 Chapter 2: How the Heck Did I Get This Way? 50 WHAT WENT WRONG? 51 IN THE BEGINNING 52 I AM A ROCK, I AM AN ISLAND 54 IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD 56 THE ROAD MORE TRAVELED 57 KAREN’S BRAIN 59 HOW’S THE WEATHER INSIDE? 60 UNWRITTEN RULES 63 MY HOUSE 64 UPGRADING THE WIRING 65 AND A ROCK FEELS NO PAIN; AND AN ISLAND NEVER CRIES 66 CHAPTER TAKE-HOME POINTS 67 Part II: Taking Action 70 Chapter 3: STEP ONE: Becoming Aware of Your Feelings 72 WHEN IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS 73 EMOTIONAL MINDFULNESS 75 IT JUST DOES THAT SOMETIMES 77 LEFT OR RIGHT, WHICH WAY SHOULD I GO? 78 CHOICES, CHOICES, CHOICES 80 BACK TO BASICS 81 LET’S TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT 84 TUNING IN TO YOUR FEELINGS 85 CHAPTER TAKE-HOME POINTS 90 Chapter 4: STEP ONE, CONTINUED: Becoming Aware of Your Defenses 91 WHAT’S GOING ON? 93 LINES OF DEFENSE 94 THE SHAPE OF THINGS 98 EVERY TIME WE SAY GOOD-BYE 101 GETTING TO KNOW YOU 102 DEFENSES IN ACTION 108 FEELINGS CAN BE DEFENSIVE TOO 110 NOW WHAT? 111 CHAPTER TAKE-HOME POINTS 113 Chapter 5: STEP TWO: Taming the Fear 114 DAY OF RECKONING 115 BEYOND YOUR DEFENSES 116 BACK TO THE BRAIN 117 PAUSE FOR STATION IDENTIFICATION 119 WHAT’S IN A NAME? 121 KEEP IT SIMPLE 123 WHEN THINGS AREN’T CLEAR 124 MINDFUL TRACKING 125 TAKE A BREATHER 127 ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE 130 TAKE HEART 132 YOUR TURN 133 CHAPTER TAKE-HOME POINTS 134 Chapter 6: STEP THREE: Feeling It Through 135 THE NATURE OF THINGS 137 LET THE RIVER RUN 138 IT IS WHAT IT IS 139 ACCEPTING WHAT IS 140 GETTING IN TOUCH 141 PAYING ATTENTION 143 ONE STEP AT A TIME 145 SLOWING DOWN 147 GIVING WAY 148 A WORD (OR TWO) ABOUT ANGER 150 RIDING OUT THE WAVE 151 SEEING IT THROUGH 152 TAKE TIME TO REFLECT 154 TAKING CARE 156 CHAPTER TAKE-HOME POINTS 157 Chapter 7: STEP FOUR: Opening Up 158 A FAMILIAR KIND OF FEAR 159 GETTING STARTED 161 HEEDING THE CALL 167 THE POWER OF WORDS 168 EXPRESSING YOURSELF 170 MINDFUL COMMUNICATION 172 NOT SO HARD AFTER ALL 174 SOMETHING BETTER 175 CHAPTER TAKE-HOME POINTS 177 Chapter 8: Putting It All Together 178 ALEX: THE GIFT OF GRIEF 178 LAUREN: BEFRIENDING FEAR 180 JULIE: MAKING ROOM FOR JOY 182 BRIAN: UNCOVERING THE ROAD TO REPAIR 185 KATE: GROWING INTO HAPPINESS 187 MARK: WAKING UP TO ANGER 189 FRANK: FINDING THE COURAGE TO LOVE 193 IN OUR OWN WAY 195 CHAPTER TAKE-HOME POINTS 196 Conclusion: Making a Choice 197 Appendix: Seeking Professional Help 200 THERAPY 200 COACHING 201 Notes 202 The Author 206 Index 208

Living Like You Mean It

"Finally, someone is helping us get closer to our emotions and who we are—instead of further away from our power.'A moving and inspirational read for anyone in the challenging times we're all going through."
—Melody L. Beattie, author of the New York Times bestsellers Codependent No More, The Language of Letting Go, and Choices

"What a joy it is to read Dr. Ron Frederick's Living Like You Mean It. Well informed, accessible and engaging, this wonderful book is full of powerful strategies that will enliven your soul, enrich your relationships, and help you have a more deeply meaningful life. I recommend it with enthusiasm!"
—John Bradshaw, author of the New York Times bestsellers Healing the Shame that Binds You, Homecoming, Creating Love, and Reclaiming Virtue

"Ron Frederick is a master therapist and a gifted teacher. With energy and passion, he guides the reader through the vibrant inner landscape of the emotions. The tools and insights he offers can help prevent depression and anxiety. Even more, they point the way toward a vital and engaged life—a life fully lived."
—Henry Emmons, MD, author, The Chemistry of Joy

"With compelling insight into the way emotion shapes our lives, Living Like You Mean It invites us on a tremendously useful journey into the mind and brain'and shows us how the day-to-day ways we defend against feeling our feelings keep us from living the lives we really want. But no more!? Through practical suggestions, compelling stories, and powerful insights, this book dishes up a readily accessible plan to free us from the prison of our own fear of feeling.? Frederick is a liberating guide—and after joining him on this trek, you'll be ready to feel fully alive!"
—Daniel J. Siegel, MD, director, the Mindsight Institute, and author, The Mindful Brain and Parenting from the Inside Out

"Brimming with heart and soul, and scientifically sound, Living Like You Mean It is a brilliant book for anyone wanting to get unstuck and live a happier, more fulfilling life."
—Marci Shimoff, # 1 New York Times bestselling author, Happy for No Reason, coauthor, Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul, and featured teacher in The Secret

Teach Like a Champion 2.0 is a complete update to the international bestseller. This teaching guide is a must-have for new and experienced teachers alike. Over 700,000 teachers around the world already know how the techniques in this book turn educators into classroom champions. With ideas for everything from classroom management to inspiring student engagement, you will be able to perfect your teaching practice right away.