Levitate the primate : handjobs, Internet dating, and other issues for men

A lovestory in fragments, told in the margins of a new philosophy of 21st Century sexuality.;Introduction & Mea Culpa; Must Be Willing to Lie About How We Met; Monogamy is for Losers; My First Muff Dive; Date With a Parking Ticket In It; Two Women in One Night; H's Version of Our Night Out; Are You My Girlfriend Now?; Natasha Richardson, or Smoking Cigarettes on the Roof; Ass Bangin' and Astral Projection; I Was a Six-Year-Old Virgin; Morning Breath; Premature Ejaculation; Having Sex at Weddings; Intimacy on a Trip to the Dentist; Shave My Bush; How to Pick Up Women; Breaking Up in a Text Message; Rate My Penis Size; On Your Own, or Moving On; Rate my Blowjobs; The 45-Minute Walkout. Introduction & Mea Culpa Must Be Willing to Lie About How We Met Monogamy is for Losers My First Muff Dive Date With a Parking Ticket In It Two Women in One Night H's Version of Our Night Out Are You My Girlfriend Now? Natasha Richardson, or Smoking Cigarettes on the Roof Ass Bangin' and Astral Projection I Was a Six-Year-Old Virgin Morning Breath Premature Ejaculation Having Sex at Weddings Intimacy on a Trip to the Dentist Shave My Bush How to Pick Up Women Breaking Up in a Text Message Rate My Penis Size On Your Own, or Moving On Rate my Blowjobs The 45-Minute Walkout. Hitting Snooze on the Morning AfterCome on My Face The Wine Bar as the End of Civilization Some Corner in Brooklyn Your Mom Will Do Buying New Underwear, or Sex in a Dressing Room How to Pick Up a Bartender The Funny Thing About Handjobs There's a Possibility You've Been Infected With HIV Let's Make Babies The Three-Year Itch Why Women Suck in Bed I Kissed A Boy Picking Up Women in Gay Bars Why Women Are Great in Bed My Mother Sex With 19-Year-Olds The Gun Show, or Is That All You Got? Living Like A Bachelor Because I Can My Kingdom for a Boner. Does My Butt Show When I Walk?Let Me Seduce You with The Cardigans Tom Brady's Love Handles Chest Hair, or the Shaved Eunuch Who is Lauren Cohan and Why Is She Hitting On Me? Willing to Relocate How Soon, Sex Toy? Crying In Public: My Cubicle Moving to New York and Where It Got Me The Seductive Art of Dancing Taking A Break From Dating Loyal as a Dog The Most Expensive Date I've Ever Been On Women at Thirty, or the Scent of the Medicine Cabinet Get Your Hands Off of My Woman Don't Google 'Fisting', and Why Women Apologize So Much My Friend's Girlfriend is My Girlfriend. Getting LaidIf You Can Get Me Hard I'll Show You A Good Time How I Would Make Love to Gloria Swanson Going to Bed Angry My First STD Show Me Your Penis Talking About Sex With Your Parents The Hooker on the Corner Don't Make Poopy in the Office The F U Date Having Sex on Inauguration Night Kissing in the Rain Let's Just Be Friends Infidelity Listening to the Neighbors Have Sex Macho Voce, or Women Who Sound Like Men Making Love to ESPN Having Sex at Weddings Redux Old Love Letters, or Things That Got Thrown Away in the Move Super Macho Man Slumber Party. Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, or Leaving HomeMoving to New York Long Distance Lovers The Celebrity You Most Resemble How to Pick Up a Nurse at the HIV Clinic Lying Lovers, or the Padded Bra Look Ugly in a Photograph Using Your Words Tool Academy Sleeping Naked Becoming a Virgin Again Masturbating Upside Down I Am Error Levitating in Time. "A collection of essays and confessions about sex, taken, in large part, from a period of time, when author, Michael Thomsen was writing a sex and dating blog for Nerve.com. Expanded, edited, and reframed with the embedded narrative of an affair that the author had with a woman for whom he later quit his job and moved across the country to be with, failingly. This story was the secret backdrop for every essay: remembrances of bad sex, shambolic internet dates, moral infirmness, handjobs, blowjobs, an HIV scare, an STD, and a hope-filled cross-country move that ended in shambles. Each essay is its own fragmentary evidence of that story, which, taken in aggregate, becomes an epistolary memento - a struggle to keep the single thread of romance centered in a world of topical distraction, mundanity, and indifference."-- Provided by publisher

Levitate the Primate is a collection of essays and confessions about sex, taken, in large part, from 2008-9, when I wrote a sex and dating blog for Nerve.com. They have been expanded, edited, and reframed with the embedded narrative of an affair I had with a woman for whom I later quit my job and moved across the country to be with, failing. This story was the secret backdrop for every essay: remembrance of bad sex, shambolic internet dates, moral infirmness, handjobs, blowjobs, an HIV scare, and STD, and a hope-filled cross-country move that ended in shambles. Easy essay is its own fragmentary evidence of that story, which, taken in aggregate, become an epistolary memento-a struggle to keep the single thread of romance centered in a world of topic distraction, mundanity, and indifference.

A lovestory in fragments, told in the margins of a new philosophy of 21st Century sexuality.Each essay recounts bad sex, shambolic internet dates, moral infirmness, handjobs, blowjobs, an HIV scare, an STD, and a hope-filled cross-country move that ended in shambles. The collection is an epistolary memento of struggling with identity, circumstance, gender constraints, and time itself--all bound by a stubborn animal faith in love as an act of insupportable ascendency, a kind of levitation, longed-for by creatures never meant to leave the ground. A lovestory in fragments, told in the margins of a new philosophy of 21st Century sexuality. Each essay recounts bad sex, shambolic internet dates, moral infirmness, handjobs, blowjobs, an HIV scare, an STD, and a hope-filled cross-country move that ended in shambles. The collection is an epistolary memento of struggling with identity, circumstance, gender constraints, and time itself--all bound by a stubborn animal faith in love as an act of insupportable ascendency, a kind of levitation, longed-for by creatures never meant to leave the ground
A lovestory in fragments, told in the margins of a new philosophy of 21st Century sexuality.