Lessons From a Translingual Romance : Conflict and Cultural Innovation of Intercultural Couples

Intercultural couples (ICs) often face unique challenges that go unnoticed. This book delves into the experiences of 20 ICs living in Singapore and explores the complexity of their experiences through the lens of translanguaging. It shows how ICs mix language and culture in a borderless manner, not only between spouses but also with their wider families. Additionally, the authors examine the significance of technological advancements, which have transformed ICs' experiences over the past decade. In particular, parents-in-law pose a significant challenge for Asian-Western couples, as the relationship with them in Asia differs from that in the West. Each couple's unique shared culture and language transcends the borders of nation-states, requiring exchange, sharing, negotiation, and adaptation. This book provides an easy-to-read, holistic exploration of the issues faced by ICs, offering insight into overlooked aspects such as location, in-laws, and technology. Prologue 5 Acknowledgements 7 Contents 8 Abbreviations 12 Chapter 1: Intercultural Relationships 13 Love Across the Borders 13 Havens of Translanguaging: Home and the Community 17 Previous Studies 18 Intercultural, Cross-Cultural, and Inter-Discourse Communication 18 Translanguaging, Code-Switching, and Code-Mixing 20 Why Do we Enter an Intercultural Relationship? 22 The Role of Culture in an Intercultural Relationship 23 Culture-Related Stressors 23 Coping Strategies 25 Communication and Language Choice 26 Language Choices in Emotional Communication 27 Methodology 29 Translanguaging: A Tool for Enabling Intercultural Couples 38 Structure 41 References 43 Chapter 2: Language Negotiation 50 Learning Together: He Had to Force himself to Speak Chinese 51 Translanguaging: Because It’s Showing Respect to his Culture and Where he Comes from 54 Translanguaging: We Sometimes Text in Norwegian 56 Making Do with One Language: I Think he Can, but he Prefers Not to 59 Living for Such a Long Time with me and he Is Not Able to Speak Chinese: It’s Really Bad 60 Language of Texting: He Replies in English or in Romanised Korean 62 We Use Pinyin 64 We Can Use the Short Form 64 Summary 65 Reference 65 Chapter 3: Language of Emotion 66 The 3 E Model 67 Translanguaging Competence 68 Language of Anger: Completely in English 69 When We Argue, of Course We Argue in English 70 When He Starts Speaking in Chinese that Means He’s Okay 71 I Need Chinese to Express 71 I Swear in Slovak 72 Language of Resolution: He’ll Start Sending Me Texts 73 Language of Expression: We Lose the Expressive Capacities 74 Language of (In)Expression 75 Language of Affection: If I Want to Be Sweet, I Would Say Some Words in Italian 76 Speaking in Korean when Trying to Wake Him up Makes it Feel a Bit Softer 77 Language of Jokes: Only to Be Cheeky 78 Language of Home: The Language of Cuddles and Putting Them to Sleep 78 Culture and Emotion 80 Summary 81 References 81 Chapter 4: Language with the Wider Family 82 Asia, It’s All about the Family 84 Meeting the In-Laws 85 Addressing the In-Laws: He Uses ‘Eomma’, ‘Appa’, but I Never Called His Parents ‘Mom ‘Dad’ 87 I Don’t Call Them Anything 88 I Call Her Mummy 89 Communicating with the In-Laws: He Makes a Lot of Effort to Speak in Slovak 90 They Can’t Drop the Subtle Hints 90 There Are Times when Colin Is Rude to Them 92 Living with In-Laws 92 The Miracle of Technology 94 Communicating with In-Laws: If I Had a Local Mother-in-Law, She Probably Won’t Be So Expressive 95 Naming Children 96 My Mother Gave Her the Name. I Hated that Name 97 Sometimes My Wife Would Worry about How They Would Be Perceived Overseas 98 A Cross-Cultural Relationship Gave us a Free Pass 99 Talking with Children 100 It’s a Small Language, so It’s Not So Important 101 It’s Mostly for Them to Learn about the Culture 102 They Could Easily Lose Their Chinese Heritage 103 Translanguaging 104 Talking with Friends: We’re Just Going to Ignore Him and Speak in Indonesian 105 Otherwise, I Will Feel Like a Burden 106 The Language Is Fun and Dynamic and Fast Moving 106 Summary 107 Reference 108 Chapter 5: The Language of Culture 109 The Landscapes of our Tables 110 Food: Chicken Curry Paella 111 My Idea of Healthy Food Is Western Food 112 Korean Is Actually Only for Food 113 Festivals: He Doesn’t Celebrate Anything 114 I’m Just Celebrating by Myself 115 Weddings: An Indonesian Wedding Is More about the Community 116 I Just Feel Like It’s like Training a Monkey 118 Gift Giving: Koreans Are more Thoughtful 119 Ideology: We Rarely Have Those Discussions Now 120 He Wouldn’t Expect Me to Like, You Know, Serve him and Take Care of Him 121 Let Me Remind you, I’m Not a Mail Order Bride 121 It Always Helps to Remind Me that There’s Another Way to Think 122 I don’t Even Feel that we Are from Different Contexts 123 Finance: We Are on a more Equal Footing 124 Summary 124 Reference 125 Epilogue 126 References 127 Index 134