How to Travel with a Salmon: And Other Essays (A Harvest Book)

How to travel with a salmon -- How to replace a driver's license -- How to eat in flight -- How to go through customs -- How to travel on American trains -- How to take intelligent vacations -- How to use the taxi driver -- How not to talk about soccer -- How to use the coffeepot from hell -- How to react to familiar faces -- How to be a TV host -- How not to know the time -- Stars and stripes -- Conversation in Babylon -- On the impossibility of drawing a map of the empire on a scale of 1 to 1 -- How to eat ice cream -- How it begins, and how it ends -- How to justify a private library -- How to compile an inventory -- How to spend time -- How to buy gadgets -- How to follow instructions -- How to become a Knight of Malta -- How to deal with telegrams -- How not to use the fax machine -- How not to use the cellular phone -- Three owls on a chest of drawers -- Editorial revision -- Sequels -- How to use suspension points -- How to write an introduction -- How to write an introduction in an art catalogue -- How to set the record straight -- How to watch out for widows -- How to organize a public library -- How to speak of animals -- How to play Indians -- How to recognize a porn movie -- How to avoid contagious diseases -- How to choose a remunerative profession -- The miracle of San Baudolino.;In these "impishly witty and ingeniously irreverent" essays (Atlantic Monthly), "the Andy Rooney of academia" (Los Angeles Times) takes on computer jargon, librarians, bureaucrats, meals on airplanes, bad coffee, taxi drivers, 33-function watches, soccer fans, and more. Translated by William Weaver. A Helen and Kurt Wolff Book. How To Travel With A Salmon Is A Highly Engaging Collection Of What Umberto Eco Calls His Diario Minimo - Minimal Diaries - After The Magazine Column In Which He Began Pursuing The Pathways Of Parody. These Essays, Written In The Late Eighties And Early Nineties, Are His Playful But Unfailingly Accurate Takes On Militarism, Computer Jargon, Westerns, Art Criticism, Librarians, Bureaucrats, Meals On Airplanes, Amtrak Trains, Bad Coffee, Maniacal Taxi Drivers, Express Mail, 33-function Watches, Fax Machines And Cellular Phones, Pornography, Soccer Fans, Academia, And - Last But Definitely Not Least - The Author's Own Self. How To Travel With A Salmon Gives Us Umberto Eco's Acute Vision Of The Absurdities Of Modern Life. How To Travel With A Salmon -- How To Replace A Driver's License -- How To Eat In Flight -- How To Go Through Customs -- How To Travel On American Trains -- How To Take Intelligent Vacations -- How To Use The Taxi Driver -- How Not To Talk About Soccer -- How To Use The Coffeepot From Hell -- How To React To Familiar Faces -- How To Be A Tv Host -- How Not To Know The Time -- Stars And Stripes -- Conversation In Babylon -- On The Impossibility Of Drawing A Map Of The Empire On A Scale Of 1 To 1 -- How To Eat Ice Cream -- How It Begins, And How It Ends -- How To Justify A Private Library -- How To Compile An Inventory -- How To Spend Time -- How To Buy Gadgets -- How To Follow Instructions -- How To Become A Knight Of Malta -- How To Deal With Telegrams -- How Not To Use The Fax Machine -- How Not To Use The Cellular Phone -- Three Owls On A Chest Of Drawers -- Editorial Revision -- Sequels -- How To Use Suspension Points -- How To Write An Introduction -- How To Write An Introduction In An Art Catalogue -- How To Set The Record Straight -- How To Watch Out For Widows -- How To Organize A Public Library -- How To Speak Of Animals -- How To Play Indians -- How To Recognize A Porn Movie -- How To Avoid Contagious Diseases -- How To Choose A Remunerative Profession -- The Miracle Of San Baudolino. Umberto Eco ; Translated From The Italian By William Weaver. A Helen And Kurt Wolff Book. Translation Of: Il Secondo Diario Minimo. Includes Bibliographical References. “Impishly witty and ingeniously irreverent” essays on topics from cell phones to librarians, by the author of The Name of the Rose and Foucault’s Pendulum ( The Atlantic Monthly ). A cosmopolitan curmudgeon the Los Angeles Times called “the Andy Rooney of academia”—known for both nonfiction and novels that have become blockbuster New York Times bestsellers—Umberto Eco takes readers on “a delightful romp through the absurdities of modern life” ( Publishers Weekly ) as he journeys around the world and into his own wildly adventurous mind. From the mundane details of getting around on Amtrak or in the back of a cab, to reflections on computer jargon and soccer fans, to more important issues like the effects of mass media and consumer civilization—not to mention the challenges of trying to refrigerate an expensive piece of fish at an English hotel—this renowned writer, semiotician, and philosopher provides “an uncanny combination of the profound and the profane” ( San Francisco Chronicle ). “Eco entertains with his clever reflections and with his unique persona.” — Kirkus Reviews Translated from the Italian by William Weaver 'Between a bottle of Epsom salts or one of twenty-year-old cognac, which would you choose? Would you rather spend your vacation with an eighty-year old leper or with Demi Moore? Do you prefer being sprinkled with ferocious red ants or sharing a sleeping compartment with Claudia Schiffer?' From the celebrated author of The Name of the Rose , here is a dazzling compendium of advice offering the correct answers to these and many other important questions. Tackling topics as diverse as the coffee pot from hell, eating on an aeroplane, how not to use a cellular phone and recognising porn movies, Umberto Eco guides us with all his customary wit and brilliance through the complexities of the modern world. Once a columnist for an Italian literary magazine, Eco now shares his acute and highly entertaining sense of the absurd in modern life in these essays about militarism, computerese, cowboy and Indian movies, art criticism, librarians, semiotics, and much more--including himself.