How to Stay in Love: A Divorce Lawyer's Guide to Staying Together

Hard-hitting divorce lawyer James J. Sexton shares his insights and wisdom to help you reverse-engineer a healthy, fulfilling romantic relationship with How to Stay in Love . With two decades on the front lines of divorce Sexton has seen what makes formerly happy couples fall out of love and “lose the plot” of the story they were writing together. Now he reveals all of the “what-not-to-dos” for couples who want to build—and consistently work to preserve—a lasting, loving relationship. Sexton tells the unvarnished truth about love and marriage, diving straight into the most common issues that often arise from simple communication problems and relationships that develop by “default” instead of design. Though he deals constantly with the heartbreak of others, he still believes in romance and the transformative power of love. This book is his opportunity to use what he has learned from the mistakes of his clients to help individuals and couples find and preserve lasting connection. Previously published as If You're In My Office, It's Already Too Late . Hard-hitting divorce lawyer James Sexton shares his insights and wisdom from the front lines of divorce to keep you out of his office and improve your relationship. If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late. James Sexton knows this. After dealing with more than a thousand clients whose marriages have dissolved over everything from an ill-advised threesome with the nanny to the uneven division of carpool duties, he also knows all of the what-not-to-dos for couples who want to build-and consistently work to preserve-a lasting, fulfilling relationship. Described by former clients as a "courtroom gunslinger" and "the sociopath you want on your side," Sexton tells the unvarnished truth about relationships, diving straight into the most common marital problems. These usually derive from dishonest-or nonexistent-communication. Even when the alleged reason for separation is one spouse's new "personal trainer," there's likely a communication problem that predates the fitness kick. Symptom and root cause get confused all the time. Sexton has spent his career working with spouses-to-be-no-longer. Reverse engineering a relationship can help to identify and fix what does not work. Ever feel like you're holding back criticism of your spouse because you just can't have that fight right now' Sexton will tell you to "Hit Send Now." Maybe you aren't as adventurous as you used to be, or need some "you time," but for some reason it seems weird or exhausting to change up the routine now. Sexton knows where that mentality leads and offers viable alternative paths to take. Though he deals constantly with the heartbreak of others, he still believes in romance and the transformative power of love. This book is his opportunity to use what he has learned to help couples that aren't so far gone get back on track "If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late. James Sexton knows this. After dealing with more than a thousand clients whose marriages have dissolved over everything from an ill-advised threesome with the nanny to the uneven division of carpool duties, he also knows all of the what-not-to-dos for couples who want to build--and consistently work to preserve--a lasting, fulfilling relationship. Described by former clients as a "courtroom gunslinger" and "the sociopath you want on your side," Sexton tells the unvarnished truth about relationships, diving straight into the most common marital problems. These usually derive from dishonest--or nonexistent--communication. Even when the alleged reason for separation is one spouse's new "personal trainer," there's likely a communication problem that predates the fitness kick. Symptom and root cause get confused all the time. Sexton has spent his career working with spouses-to-be-no-longer. Reverse engineering a relationship can help to identify and fix what does not work. Ever feel like you're holding back criticism of your spouse because you just can't have that fight right now? Sexton will tell you to "Hit Send Now." Maybe you aren't as adventurous as you used to be, or need some "you time," but for some reason it seems weird or exhausting to change up the routine now. Sexton knows where that mentality leads and offers viable alternative paths to take. Though he deals constantly with the heartbreak of others, he still believes in romance and the transformative power of love. This book is his opportunity to use what he has learned to help couples that aren't so far gone get back on track."--Page [4] of cover. Introduction: Take the path they didn't What is the problem to which marriage is the solution? Storytelling: There's an arc there, somewhere Hit send now You can be right or you can be happy Expectation vs. reality Tight grips and loose arms Reading minds and accepting appearances Everyone's fucking the nanny Gratuitous time-out: and yes, I meant everyone is fucking the nanny Married people: pretend you're not Go without or go elsewhere Did you spend more time shopping for your car or for your spouse? Actually, past performance is indicative of future results The five kinds of infidelity Infidelity type #3: the mistake It's so much easier to change the other person Gratuitous time-out: Lie to me; everybody else does The you, the me, and the we If we were designing an infidelity-generating machine, it would be Facebook One of the pillars of marriage is sex We know what we know until we may not want to know it Gratuitous time-out: I love my job, except for when I hate it You never go to bed with just one person Divide and conquer what you're getting and what you're giving The myth of the perfect parent You divorce who you married Gratuitous time-out: The case of the shrinking penis Know yourself Intimacy weaponized, Part I Intimacy weaponized, Part II: Cross-examination Argue better Gut, heart, and head The author of your story Who are you? Gratuitous time-out: How not to let yourself be cross-examined Write a letter Yours, mine, and ours: the financial system that works best Design, not default Acceptance: You have to love the bad parts, too The secret that shouldn't be a secret: just give a shit Afterword: Cannibals.

Hard-hitting divorce lawyer James J. Sexton shares his insights and wisdom to help you reverse-engineer a healthy, fulfilling romantic relationship with How to Stay in Love.

With two decades on the front lines of divorce Sexton has seen what makes formerly happy couples fall out of love and “lose the plot” of the story they were writing together. Now he reveals all of the “what-not-to-dos” for couples who want to build—and consistently work to preserve—a lasting, loving relationship. Sexton tells the unvarnished truth about love and marriage, diving straight into the most common issues that often arise from simple communication problems and relationships that develop by “default” instead of design.

Though he deals constantly with the heartbreak of others, he still believes in romance and the transformative power of love. This book is his opportunity to use what he has learned from the mistakes of his clients to help individuals and couples find and preserve lasting connection.

Previously published as If You're In My Office, It's Already Too Late.

After dealing with more than a thousand clients whose marriages have dissolved, Sexton knows all of the what-not-to-dos for couples who want to build-- and consistently work to preserve-- a lasting, fulfilling relationship. He dives straight into the most common marital problems, and shows how these usually derive from dishonest-- or nonexistent-- communication. Though he deals constantly with the heartbreak of others, he still believes in romance and the transformative power of love