Dead People Suck : A Guide for Survivors of the Newly Departed

An honest, irreverent, laugh-out-loud guide to coping with death and dying from Emmy-nominated writer and New York Times45 Jokes About My Dead Dad is her hilarious guide to surviving (sometimes) death, dying, and grief without losing your mind. If you are old and about to die, sick and about to die, or with a loved one who is about to pass away or who has passed away, there's something for you. With chapters like "Are You An Old Man With Daughters? Please Shred Your Porn," "If Cancer was an STD, It Would Be Cured By Now," and "Unsubscribing Your Dead Parent from Tea Party Emails," Laurie Kilmartin guides you through some of life's most complicated moments with equal parts heart and sarcasm.;Intro; Title Page; Dedication; Contents; Acknowledgments; Authorâ#x80;#x99;s Note; Introduction; The Dying Reader; Planning Your Own Death: Should You Sneak Out the Back Door Like Bowie?; Are You an Old Man with Daughters? Please Shred Your Porn; Are You Old and About to Die? A Comprehensive List of Things You Should Do First; If Cancer Was an STD, There Would Be a Cure by Now; Hospice; Hospice: A Medical Term That Means â#x80;#x9C;Here, You Do Itâ#x80;#x9D;; Get Their Passwords; Home Hospice: Die Surrounded by Stuff You Meant to Take to Goodwill. Intro Title Page Dedication Contents Acknowledgments Authorâ#x80 #x99 s Note Introduction The Dying Reader Planning Your Own Death: Should You Sneak Out the Back Door Like Bowie? Are You an Old Man with Daughters? Please Shred Your Porn Are You Old and About to Die? A Comprehensive List of Things You Should Do First If Cancer Was an STD, There Would Be a Cure by Now Hospice Hospice: A Medical Term That Means â#x80 #x9C Here, You Do Itâ#x80 #x9D Get Their Passwords Home Hospice: Die Surrounded by Stuff You Meant to Take to Goodwill. When Oncologists Say, â#x80 #x9C Not the Results We Were Hoping For, â#x80 #x9D They Mean â#x80 #x9C Bye-Byeâ#x80 #x9D If Youâ#x80 #x99 ve Given Birth, You Can Give Death Help I Just Saw My Fatherâ#x80 #x99 s Penis/Motherâ#x80 #x99 s Vagina The Most Awkward Goodbye: Hospice Phone Call on Speaker Who Are You, Bereft Stranger? Morphine, Unregulated and in Your Refrigerator. Dying People Get Obsessed with Some Weird Shit Shit Gets Real (Real Dead) Never Leave Your Dying Loved Oneâ#x80 #x99 s Side Unless of Course It Is to Have Sex Dying People Can Hear Every Word You Say The Real Obit: He Died at Home, Surrounded by People Who Were on Their iPhones. My Loved One Just Died, Now What?Donâ#x80 #x99 t Call the Mortuary Just Yet: The Case for Hanging Out with the Body Overnight Your Parent Died before You Got to the Hospital, AKA One Final Attempt to Make You Feel Guilty Your Long Dark Night of Old Testament-Style Lamentations Bad News: Grief Is Not a Calorie Burner. The First Time You Tell a Telemarketer, â#x80 #x9C She Canâ#x80 #x99 t Come to the Phone right Now Because She Is Dead.â#x80 #x9D Morternity Leave: You Deserve at Least Six Weeks Off After You Give Death Celebrating Their Life Cremation: Hire a Professional or DIY? You Live in My Momâ#x80 #x99 s Childhood Home, Mind If I Spread Her Ashes on Your Lawn?For Lapsed Catholics Only: Yes, You Will Step Foot in That Church Again. Our Dad Was a Vet: Can We Ever Unfold This Flag? Other People are Awful The Main Reason Your Kid Is Crying Is Heâ#x80 #x99 s Excited to Get Grandpaâ#x80 #x99 s iPad When Famous People Die the Day Your Loved One Died (AKA No Iâ#x80 #x99 m Not Crying Because of Prince) â#x80 #x9C Iâ#x80 #x99 m Sorry for Your Lossâ#x80 #x9D : The Aloha of Condolences â#x80 #x9C Uh, My Mom Died When I Was 7â#x80 #x9D : Things You Want to Say but Shouldnâ#x80 #x99 t to a Middle-Aged Friend Who Just Lost Her 79-Year-Old Mother. People Who Say, â#x80 #x9C Welcome to the Dead Dad Clubâ#x80 #x9D The Only People Who Get Truly Upset When an 83-Year-Old Dies Are 82-Year-Olds Death Months Out Reverse Konmari: When You Canâ#x80 #x99 t Throw Away Your Dead Parentâ#x80 #x99 s Crap The Cemetery: Who Will Ignore Your Motherâ#x80 #x99 s Grave When Youâ#x80 #x99 re Gone? Selling the House: When Zillow Describes the Corner Where Your Mom Died as a Breakfast Nook Open Letter to the New Owners of My Childhood Home Sex with an Ex Because He Knew Your Dad (AKA Grief Bangs) And Now, Your Future is Full of People Who Will Never Meet Your Mom. An honest, irreverent, laugh-out-loud guide to coping with death and dying from Emmy-nominated writer and New York Times bestselling co-author of Sh*tty Mom Laurie Kilmartin. Death is not for the faint of heart, and sometimes the best way to cope is through humor. No one knows this better than comedian Laurie Kilmartin. She made headlines by live-tweeting her father#8217;s time in hospice and her grieving process after he passed, and channeled her experience into a comedy special, 45 Jokes About My Dead Dad. Dead People Suck is her hilarious guide to surviving (sometimes) death, dying, and grief without losing your mind. If you are old and about to die, sick and about to die, or with a loved one who is about to pass away or who has passed away, there#8217;s something for you. With chapters like #8220;Are You An Old Man With Daughters? Please Shred Your Porn,#8221; #8220;If Cancer was an STD, It Would Be Cured By Now,#8221; and #8220;Unsubscribing Your Dead Parent from Tea Party Emails,#8221; Laurie Kilmartin guides you through some of life#8217;s most complicated moments with equal parts heart and sarcasm "Death is not for the faint of heart, and sometimes the best way to cope is through humor. No one knows this better than comedian Laurie Kilmartin. She made headlines by live-tweeting her father's time in hospice and her grieving process after he passed, and channeled her experience into a comedy special, 45 Jokes About My Dead Dad. Dead People Suck is her hilarious guide to surviving (sometimes) death, dying, and grief without losing your mind. If you are old and about to die, sick and about to die, or with a loved one who is about to pass away or who has passed away, there's something for you. With chapters like "Are You An Old Man With Daughters? Please Shred Your Porn," "If Cancer was an STD, It Would Be Cured By Now," and "Unsubscribing Your Dead Parent from Tea Party Emails," Laurie Kilmartin guides you through some of life's most complicated moments with equal parts heart and sarcasm."--Amazon.com. This is an honest, irreverent, and laugh-out-loud guide to grief. Full of hilarity and very real advice, the book is broken down into six sections: a guide for the dying, a guide for loved ones, advice on the process of dying, the ins and outs of grief and funeral preparation, the various stages of mourning, and a bonus tips chapter for friends and bystanders The dying reader Hospice Shit gets real (real dead) My loved one just died, now what? Celebrating their life Other people are awful Death, months out Your unending rage And now the fun stuff Tick tock.