Daring to Love: Move Beyond Fear of Intimacy, Embrace Vulnerability, and Create Lasting Connection 3

**When it comes to finding love, are you standing in your __own__ way? __Daring to Love__ will help you identify the internal barriers that cause you to sabotage your love life, open yourself up to vulnerability, and build the intimate, lasting relationship you truly desire.** After a breakup, most of us spend a lot of time thinking long and hard about what the __other__ person did to cause it, rather than reflecting on ourselves. It seems self-evident that we want our romantic relationships to work, and that love and long-term commitment are our ultimate goals. But what if our desire for love is actually not as straightforward as our emotions make us believe? What if, instead of pursuing love, we are unconsciously pushing it away? In __Daring to Love__, Tamsen and Robert W. Firestone offer techniques based in Robert Firestone’s groundbreaking voice therapy—the process of giving spoken word to unhealthy patterns—to help you understand how __you__ are getting in your own way on the quest for true love. Love, the Firestones argue, makes us vulnerable and triggers old defenses we formed in childhood, causing us to sabotage our relationships in myriad subtle—and not-so-subtle—ways. Using the voice therapy strategies in this book, you will be able to identify your own defensive patterns and uncover the destructive messages your critical inner voice is telling you about yourself, your partners, and your relationships. If you’re struggling to cultivate lasting relationships, this book can help you embark on your next romantic journey with more openness and self-knowledge. Intro -- Introduction -- How This Book Came About -- What to Expect from This Book -- And Here We Go ... -- Foreword -- Chapter 1: Our Defenses and How They Get in the Way of Love -- What Is Love? -- What Interferes with Love? -- How Defenses Are Formed -- Chapter 2: The Critical Inner Voice That Supports Our Defenses -- Your Real Self and the Anti-Self -- How the Critical Inner Voice Develops -- How the Critical Inner Voice Operates -- Chapter 3: The Voice Therapy Method -- Old Habits-and New Hope for Change -- The Voice Therapy Method -- Reactions to Challenging the Critical Inner Voice -- Why Voice Therapy Works -- Journaling and the Voice Therapy Method -- Chapter 4: When Love Makes Us Feel Vulnerable -- Defenses Against Vulnerability -- How to Be Vulnerable to Love -- Chapter 5: When Love Disrupts the Fantasy Bond -- How the Fantasy Bond Develops and Continues -- The Fantasy Bond in a Couple -- How the Critical Inner Voice Enables the Fantasy Bond -- Challenging the Fantasy Bond in a Couple -- Chapter 6: When Love Challenges Our Negative Identity -- Your Negative Identity -- How to Challenge Your Negative Identity and Maintain Your Real Identity -- Chapter 7: When Love Triggers Guilt -- Guilt for Being Happier and Different -- How the Critical Inner Voice Encourages Guilt -- Taking Action to Overcome Guilt -- Defensive Strategies: Selection, Distortion, and Provocation -- Chapter 8: When Love Arouses Deep Sadness -- Where Does the Sadness in Love Come From? -- How We Cut Off Sadness -- How to Face Sadness -- Chapter 9: When Love Stirs Up Our Fear of Loss -- How Death Anxiety Is Aroused -- How the Critical Inner Voice Intensifies Death Anxiety and Fear of Loss -- How to Live with Death Awareness -- The Positive Effect of Death Awareness -- Chapter 10: A Look Ahead -- Continuing to Use the Voice Therapy Method "Does it feel like your relationships never work out? After a breakup, do you spend most of your time dwelling on what the other person did to cause it, rather than reflecting on yourself? This book will help you identify the self-protective behaviors that keep you from building the intimate, lasting relationships you truly desire. Using techniques based in the authors' groundbreaking voice therapy-- the process of acknowledging unhealthy patterns aloud-- you'll uncover the real reasons you're sabotaging your love life and learn to quiet destructive thoughts that are rooted in fear of rejection, shame, or jealousy. With this book as your guide, you can approach your relationship with openness and fearlessness--two key ingredients for romantic bliss!"--Back cover. Why do we push love away? In Daring to Love , Tamsen and Robert W. Firestone outline powerful techniques based in Robert Firestone's groundbreaking voice therapy—a process of giving spoken word to unhealthy patterns—to help readers identify the internal barriers that cause them to sabotage their love life. Using the strategies in this book, readers will learn to communicate better, open themselves up to vulnerability, and build the intimate, lasting relationships they truly desire. Preserving Individuality to Strengthen Your Relationship -- Developing the Skills for Communicating in an Intimate Relationship -- Dealing with Anger Constructively -- The Act of Loving -- A Few Final Words -- Acknowledgments -- References