Dangerous Love : Transforming Fear and Conflict at Home, at Work, and in the World

“Chad Ford reminds us that humanity lies within all of us, and although conflict is everywhere in today's world, we have the tools we need to overcome obstacles and to thrive. This is a fantastic, timely book that I highly recommend." -Steve Kerr, Head Coach, Golden State Warriors Knowing how to transform conflict is critical in both our personal and professional lives. Yet, by and large, we are terrible at it. The reason, says longtime mediator Chad Ford, is fear. When conflict comes, our instincts are to run or fight. To transform conflict, Ford says we need to turn toward the people we are in conflict with, put down our physical and emotional weapons, and really love them with the kind of love that leads us to treat others as fellow human beings, not as objects in our way. We have to open ourselves up with no guarantee that anyone on the other side will do the same. While this can feel even more dangerous than conflict itself, it allows us to see the humanity of others so clearly that their needs and desires matter to us as much as our own. Ford shows dangerous love in action through examples ranging from his work in the Middle East to a deeply moving story about reconciling with his father. He explains why we disconnect from people at the very time we need to be most connected and the predictable patterns of justification and escalation that ensue. Most importantly, he gives us a path to practice dangerous love in the conflicts that matter most to us. “Chad Ford reminds us that humanity lies within all of us, and although conflict is everywhere in today's world, we have the tools we need to overcome obstacles and to thrive. This is a fantastic, timely book that I highly recommend."
-Steve Kerr, Head Coach, Golden State Warriors

Knowing how to transform conflict is critical in both our personal and professional lives. Yet, by and large, we are terrible at it. The reason, says longtime mediator Chad Ford, is fear. When conflict comes, our instincts are to run or fight.

To transform conflict, Ford says we need to turn toward the people we are in conflict with, put down our physical and emotional weapons, and really love them with the kind of love that leads us to treat others as fellow human beings, not as objects in our way. We have to open ourselves up with no guarantee that anyone on the other side will do the same. While this can feel even more dangerous than conflict itself, it allows us to see the humanity of others so clearly that their needs and desires matter to us as much as our own.

Ford shows dangerous love in action through examples ranging from his work in the Middle East to a deeply moving story about reconciling with his father. He explains why we disconnect from people at the very time we need to be most connected and the predictable patterns of justification and escalation that ensue. Most importantly, he gives us a path to practice dangerous love in the conflicts that matter most to us.
Cover Half Title Title Copyright Dedication Contents Foreword Introduction What Is Dangerous Love? Chapter 1 Dangerous Love in the Desert Chapter 2 Practicing Dangerous Love Chapter 3 Seeing Conflict as Smog Chapter 4 Overcoming Our Fear of Conflict Chapter 5 How a Smog Thinker Fights Conflict Chapter 6 How a Cocoon Thinker Transforms Conflict Chapter 7 The Chasm of Separation and Self-Deception Chapter 8 Bridging the Gap between Fear and Love Chapter 9 Mistakes Were Made Chapter 10 But Not by Me Chapter 11 Escalating Conflict Chapter 12 What War Is Good For Chapter 13 Waiting for Them to Turn Chapter 14 Turning First Chapter 15 The Kumbaya Fallacy Chapter 16 Inviting Them to Turn Chapter 17 Truth, Mercy, and Justice Chapter 18 Keeping the Peace Chapter 19 The Long-Short Way Chapter 20 Small and Simple Things Chapter 21 Troubleshooting Dangerous Love Chapter 22 Choosing Love over Fear Notes List of Stories Acknowledgments Index A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P R S T U V W Y Additional Resources About the Author "Longtime international mediator Chad Ford says love-yes, love-is the missing ingredient in conflict resolution. "If we can learn to see our "enemies" as we see ourselves, we can break down barriers and open up paths for creative problem-solving"-- Provided by publisher