Coping with Toxic Managers, Subordinates ... and Other Difficult People: Using Emotional Intelligence to Survive and Prosper (Financial Times Prentice Hall Books)

Some people are toxic: narcissistic, aggressive, inflexible, unethical, ready to scapegoat, capable of transforming any workplace into an unending nightmare. How do people cope with such individuals, while protecting both career AND sanity? Simplistic, cookie-cutter solutions don't work. In Coping with Nightmare Managers, world-renowned psychiatrist and organizational consultant Roy Lubit shows the reader techniques that will. Drawing on his extensive experience as both a mental health professional and an organizational consultant for PriceWaterhouseCoopers, Lubit offers concrete, proven advice for subordinates, colleagues and superiors alike. Readers learn what's really driving their toxic manager... how to cope with the emotional stress of dealing with them... and how to create a strategy that reflects their individual personality, while drawing on today's powerful new insights into emotional intelligence. The techniques Lubit teaches apply to personal relationships with toxic individuals as well. COVER......Page 1 CONTENTS......Page 14 INTRODUCTION......Page 24 Informed Consent for Those Who Read This Book......Page 34 Emotional Intelligence Approach......Page 37 Developing Your Emotional Intelligence......Page 39 Roots of Toxic Behavior......Page 40 Why Understand Difficult People?......Page 41 Myths Rationalizing Destructive Behavior......Page 43 Further Reading......Page 45 Definition of Narcissism......Page 46 Origins of Destructive Narcissism......Page 48 Healthy Self-Esteem Versus Destructive Narcissism......Page 50 Factors Worsening Narcissism......Page 52 Additional Material......Page 54 CHAPTER 2 Grandiose Managers......Page 56 Organizational Impact of Grandiose Managers......Page 57 Origins of Grandiosity......Page 58 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Grandiose Managers......Page 64 Conclusion......Page 71 Your Turn......Page 72 Endnotes......Page 74 CHAPTER 3 Control Freaks......Page 76 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Control Freaks......Page 80 Conclusion......Page 82 Your Turn......Page 84 CHAPTER 4 Paranoid Managers......Page 86 Origins of Paranoia......Page 87 Impact of Paranoid Managers......Page 89 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Paranoid Managers......Page 92 Your Turn......Page 95 Further Reading......Page 96 II: UNETHICAL MANAGERS......Page 98 CHAPTER 5 Antisocial Managers......Page 102 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Antisocial Managers......Page 105 Conclusion......Page 109 Your Turn......Page 110 Further Reading......Page 112 CHAPTER 6 Unethical Opportunists......Page 114 Organizational Impact......Page 118 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Unethical Managers......Page 119 Conclusion......Page 121 Further Reading......Page 124 III: AGGRESSIVE MANAGERS......Page 126 The Many Faces of Aggression......Page 127 Part III: Overview......Page 128 CHAPTER 7 Ruthless Managers......Page 132 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Ruthless Managers......Page 136 Conclusion......Page 138 Your Turn......Page 140 Further Reading......Page 141 CHAPTER 8 Bullying Managers......Page 142 Impact of Bullies......Page 143 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Bullying Managers......Page 147 Conclusion......Page 149 Your Turn......Page 151 Further Reading......Page 152 CHAPTER 9 Homicidal Managers......Page 154 Conclusion......Page 161 Further Reading......Page 162 CHAPTER 10 Sexual Harassment......Page 164 Judging If It Is Sexual Harassment......Page 165 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Dealing with Sexual Harassment......Page 171 Dating and Flirting at Work......Page 176 Conclusion......Page 177 Your Turn......Page 178 Further Reading......Page 179 Why Do People Harass and Discriminate Against Others?......Page 180 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Chauvinistic Behavior......Page 183 Conclusion......Page 189 Endnote......Page 190 Origins of Volatile Behavior......Page 192 Organizational Impact of Volatile Managers......Page 194 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Dealing with Volatile Managers......Page 195 Diffusing the Situation......Page 196 Dealing with Your Own Feelings......Page 201 For HR and Senior Managers......Page 202 Conclusion......Page 203 Your Turn......Page 204 Further Reading......Page 206 CHAPTER 13 Frantic Colleagues......Page 208 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Frantic Managers......Page 212 Conclusion......Page 214 Further Reading......Page 216 CHAPTER 14 Underpinnings of Aggression......Page 218 Three Theories on Aggression......Page 219 Factors Modulating Our Aggression......Page 221 Psychiatric/Emotional Problems Fostering Aggression......Page 223 Culture and Aggression......Page 225 Why We Let Ourselves Become Aggressive......Page 226 Conclusion......Page 227 Further Reading......Page 228 Organizations and Aggressive Managers......Page 230 Aggression Versus Assertiveness......Page 232 Coping with Aggressive People......Page 236 Containing Our Aggression: Avoiding Self-Sabotage......Page 237 Further Reading......Page 240 IV: RIGID MANAGERS......Page 242 The Many Flavors of Rigid Managers......Page 243 Part IV: Overview......Page 246 Further Reading......Page 248 CHAPTER 16 Compulsive Managers......Page 250 Underlying Psychodynamics......Page 252 Origins of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Style......Page 253 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Compulsive Managers......Page 256 Conclusion......Page 259 Further Reading......Page 262 CHAPTER 17 Authoritarian Managers......Page 264 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Authoritarian Managers......Page 268 Conclusion......Page 270 Further Reading......Page 272 CHAPTER 18 Dictatorial Managers......Page 274 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Dictatorial Managers......Page 276 Conclusion......Page 277 Your Turn......Page 279 CHAPTER 19 Oppositional Coworkers......Page 280 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Oppositional Coworkers......Page 281 Conclusion......Page 282 Your Turn......Page 284 CHAPTER 20 Passive-Aggressive Managers......Page 286 Emotional Intelligence Approach to Passive-Aggressive Managers......Page 288 Your Turn......Page 292 How Rigid Managers Impact Companies......Page 296 How Rigid Managers Can Rise in Organizations......Page 297 Organizational Factors Promoting Rigidity in Managers......Page 298 Ameliorating the Problem......Page 300 Conclusion......Page 303 V: IMPAIRED MANAGERS......Page 304 Part V: Overview......Page 306 Further Reading......Page 307 CHAPTER 22 ADHD......Page 308 Managing ADHD......Page 310 Dealing with Managers with ADHD......Page 312 Further Reading......Page 313 CHAPTER 23 Anxiety......Page 314 Generalized Anxiety Disorder......Page 315 Social Phobia......Page 316 Simple Phobia......Page 318 Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder......Page 319 Treatment of Anxiety Disorders......Page 321 Further Reading......Page 322 A Common Problem Often Ignored......Page 324 Impact of Depression......Page 325 Origins of Depression......Page 326 Dealing with Depression......Page 328 Conclusion......Page 329 Further Reading......Page 330 CHAPTER 25 Posttraumatic Stress Disorder......Page 332 Dealing with Traumatized Colleagues......Page 335 Further Reading......Page 336 CHAPTER 26 Burnout......Page 338 Dealing with the Risk of Burnout......Page 341 Conclusion......Page 344 Further Readings......Page 346 CHAPTER 27 Bipolar Disorder......Page 348 Conclusion......Page 352 Further Reading......Page 353 CHAPTER 28 Alcohol and Drug Abuse......Page 354 Organizational Factors Affecting Substance Abuse......Page 355 Primer on the Treatment of Alcohol and Drug Abuse......Page 356 Further Reading......Page 360 VI: DEVELOPING AND HARNESSING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE......Page 362 Further Reading......Page 363 Surviving Toxic Behavior......Page 364 Controlling Our Interpretation of Events......Page 366 Dealing with Your Own Feelings......Page 367 Conclusion......Page 370 Your Turn......Page 371 Organizational Responses to Toxic Managers......Page 374 The Many Faces of Narcissism......Page 377 Weighing the Pros and Cons of Narcissistic Managers......Page 380 Keeping the Barbarians Outside the Gates......Page 381 Conclusion......Page 383 Endnote......Page 384 ADDENDUM......Page 386 A......Page 394 B......Page 395 E......Page 396 H......Page 397 O......Page 398 R......Page 399 S......Page 400 W......Page 401

Many managers engage in destructive behavior that does considerable harm to their subordinates, their organization and eventually themselves. Whether they are narcissistic, unethical, rigid or aggressive, or simply depressed/anxious/burned out, working with them can be a nightmare. Moreover, they can do serious damage to their organizations by diverting energy from productive work, damaging cooperation and knowledge sharing, impairing retention of the best people, weakening morale, and making poor business decisions. In Coping with Toxic Managers, psychiatrist and organizational consultant Dr. Roy Lubit shows you how to develop your emotional intelligence and protect yourself and your organization from the destructive impact of toxic managers. While there are many organizational consultants who utilize psychological insights in their work and psychologists who consult to organizations, Dr. Lubit's depth of training and experience in psychiatry, organizational behavior and organizational consulting provides a basis for unique insights