Continuing Bonds: New Understandings Of Grief: New Understandings of Grief (Series in Death Education, Aging and Health Care)

First published in 1996. This new book gives voice to an emerging consensus among bereavement scholars that our understanding of the grief process needs to be expanded. The dominant 20th century model holds that the function of grief and mourning is to cut bonds with the deceased, thereby freeing the survivor to reinvest in new relationships in the present. Pathological grief has been defined in terms of holding on to the deceased. Close examination reveals that this model is based more on the cultural values of modernity than on any substantial data of what people actually do. Presenting data from several populations, 22 authors - among the most respected in their fields - demonstrate that the health resolution of grief enables one to maintain a continuing bond with the deceased. Despite cultural disapproval and lack of validation by professionals, survivors find places for the dead in their on-going lives and even in their communities. Such bonds are not denial: the deceased can provide resources for enriched functioning in the present. Chapters examine widows and widowers, bereaved children, parents and siblings, and a population previously excluded from bereavement research: adoptees and their birth parents. Bereavement in Japanese culture is also discussed, as are meanings and implications of this new model of grief. Opening new areas of research and scholarly dialogue, this work provides the basis for significant developments in clinical practice in the field. Cover 1 Half Title 2 Title Page 4 Copyright Page 5 Table of Contents 6 Acknowledgments 12 Contributors 14 Preface 18 PART ONE Examining the Dominant Model 24 Chapter 1 Introduction: What’s the Problem? 26 Disengaging as a Goal of Grief 27 Historical Perspective 28 Autonomy or Interdependence 37 Another Paradigm 39 Qualitative Versus Quantitative Methods in the Study of Grief 43 Conclusion 45 References 46 PART TWO Setting the Stage 52 Chapter 2 Broken Hearts or Broken Bonds? 54 Breaking Bonds in the 20th Century 55 Grief in Other Cultures 58 Grief in the Romantic Age 59 Unrelinquished Relationships in Contemporary Society 61 Bereavement in Postmodern Perspective 63 References 66 Chapter 3 Grief That Does Not End 68 Evidence of Grief Recurrence 69 How and Why Grief Can Recur Over a Lifetime 73 Implications of Grief Recurrence 77 American Cultural Notions About Grief Recurrence 78 References 80 Chapter 4 Grief in an Eastern Culture: Japanese Ancestor Worship 82 Definition 82 History 83 Western Psychology and Japanese Ritual 84 The Nature of the Spirits of the Dead 85 Home Altars and Memorial Tablets 87 Graves 90 Ritual Time: O Bon 91 Conclusion 93 References 93 PART THREE Bereaved Children 94 Chapter 5 Children’s Construction of Their Dead Parents 96 The Study Population 98 Findings 99 Discussion 108 References 109 Chapter 6 Bereaved Children’s Changing Relationships with the Deceased 110 Types of Connections 111 Preserving Memories of the Deceased 113 Maintaining an Interactive Relationship With the Deceased 114 Trajectories of Connections to the Deceased 117 Revolving Within a Single Type of Connection to the Deceased 125 General Summary of the Trajectories 130 Conclusion 131 References 133 Chapter 7 Remembering a Parent Who Has Died: A Developmental Perspective 136 Memory and Adult Mourning 136 Memory, Maturation, and Childhood Bereavement 137 Memory and Cognitive Development 139 Person Perception 140 Developmental Patterns of Parental Memories 141 Developmental Arrest and Parent Loss 145 Practical Implications 146 Summary 146 References 147 Chapter 8 Relationship and Heritage: Manifestations of Ongoing Attachment Following Father Death 148 Bereavement, Relationship, and Meaning 148 Late Adolescent Bereavement 151 Study Design 152 Emotional Relationships After Death 156 Conclusion 165 References 166 PART FOUR Spousal Bereavement 170 Chapter 9 Widowhood and Husband Sanctification 172 Husband Sanctification 174 Chicago-Area Widows 175 Who Sanctifies? 178 Summary and Conclusions 183 References 184 Chapter 10 Remarriage of Widowed Persons: A Triadic Relationship 186 Background 187 Ties with Deceased Spouses in Widowhood 188 Maintenance of Ties with the Deceased in Remarriage 190 Discussion 199 References 200 Chapter 11 Memories of the Death and Life of a Spouse: The Role of Images and Sense of Presence in Grief 202 Widows Participating in the Study 202 Format of the Interviews 203 Findings 204 The Widows’ Stories 204 Widows’ Experiences of the Memory of the Deceased 207 Heuristic Models for the Role of Sense of Presence in Grief: Trance, Communication, Play, and Personal Religion 214 Distress in the Interview/Coping in Life 216 Impact of Bereavement Groups 216 Conclusions 216 References 218 PART FIVE Parental Bereavement 220 Chapter 12 The Deceased Child in the Psychic and Social Worlds of Bereaved Parents During the Resolution of Grief 222 Introduction 222 Interactions Through the Course of Grief 224 Conclusion 237 References 238 Chapter 13 The Wounded Family: Bereaved Parents and the Impact of Adult Child Loss 240 Introduction and Theory 240 Research on Bereaved Parents in Israel 245 The Wounded Family: A Study in Function, Relationship, and the Challenge of Recovery and Resolution of Bereavement 248 Conclusions 252 References 253 PART SIX Bereaved Siblings 256 Chapter 14 Basic Constructs of a Theory of Adolescent Sibling Bereavement 258 Review of Literature 259 Assumptions About Bereavement 261 Constructs 262 Discussion 271 Conclusions and Recommendations 274 References 275 PART SEVEN Adoptee Losses 278 Chapter 15 Retroactive Loss in Adopted Persons 280 The Vital Questions 280 Social and Legal Structuring of Adoption 283 Developmental Influences on an Adoptee’s Inner Experience of a Birth Parent 287 Ongoing Life Events: Their Influence on the Vividness of an Adoptee’s Interest in Birth Parents and on the Intensity of Motivation to Seek Knowledge or Contact 289 Sustaining Fantasy, Family Romance Fantasy, and the Fantasies of Adoptees 290 Actual Knowledge Versus a Permitted Locus of Thought 292 Conclusions—The Arrow of Time: Contrasts and Parallels With Bereavement 294 References 295 Chapter 16 Grief and the Birth Origin Fantasies of Adopted Women 296 Adoptees and Loss 296 Fantasy Formation 298 The Data 299 Results 300 References 315 PART EIGHT Meanings and Implications 318 Chapter 17 Grief and the Role of the Inner Representation of the Deceased 320 Investigation Methods 321 Study Results 325 Intent of Investigation: A Discussion 328 References 331 Chapter 18 Attachment and the Reactions of Bereaved College Students: A Longitudinal Study 334 New Thinking About Attachment and Grief 334 An Idea for a Study on Bereavement and Attachment 335 Research Method 336 Research Findings 341 Discussion 343 Concluding Reflections 346 References 348 Chapter 19 Dilemmas in Identification for the Post-Nazi Generation: “My Good Father Was a Bad Man?” 352 Excerpts from Interviews 354 References 369 PART NINE Conclusion 370 Chapter 20 Concluding Thoughts 372 Defining the Continuing Bond 372 The Paradox of Letting Go and Remaining Involved 374 Legitimation of Old Grief 374 Problem Behavior 376 Implications for Therapeutic Intervention 377 Index 380 New Understandings of Grief This Important New Book Gives Voice To An Emerging Consensus Among Bereavement Scholars That Our Understanding Of The Grief Process Needs To Be Expanded. The Dominant Twentieth-century Model Holds That The Function Of Grief And Mourning Is To Cut Bonds With The Deceased, Thereby Freeing The Survivor To Reinvest In New Relationships In The Present. Pathological Grief Has Been Defined In Terms Of Holding On To The Deceased. Close Examination Reveals That This Model Is Based More On The Cultural Values Of Modernity Than On Any Substantial Data Of What People Actually Do. Presenting Data From Several Populations, Twenty-two Authors - Among The Most Respected In Their Fields - Demonstrate That The Healthy Resolution Of Grief Enables One To Maintain A Continuing Bond With The Deceased. Despite Cultural Disapproval And Lack Of Validation By Professionals, Survivors Find Places For The Dead In Their Ongoing Lives And Even In Their Communities. Such Bonds Are Not Denial; The Deceased Can Provide Resources For Enriched Functioning In The Present. Introduction : What's The Problem? / Phyllis R. Silverman And Dennis Klass -- Broken Hearts Or Broken Bonds? / Margaret Stroebe [and Others] -- Grief That Does Not End / Paul C. Rosenblatt -- Grief In An Eastern Culture : Japanese Ancestor Worship / Dennis Klass -- Children's Construction Of Their Dead Parents / Phyllis R. Silverman And Steven L. Nickman -- Bereaved Children's Changing Relationships With The Deceased / Claude L. Normand, Phyllis R. Silverman, And Steven L. Nickman -- Remembering A Parent Who Has Died : A Developmental Perspective / Betty C. Buchsbaum -- Relationship And Heritage : Manifestations Of Ongoing Attachment Following Father Death / Kirsten Tyson-rawson -- Widowhood And Husband Sanctification / Helena Znaniecka Lopata -- Remarriage Of Widowed Persons : A Triadic Relationship / Miriam S. Moss And Sidney Z. Moss -- Memories Of The Death And Life Of A Spouse : The Role Of Images And Sense Of Presence In Grief / Roberta Dew Conant. The Deceased Child In The Psychic And Social Worlds Of Bereaved Parents During The Resolution Of Grief / Dennis Klass -- The Wounded Family : Bereaved Parents And The Impact Of Adult Child Loss / Simon Shimshon Rubin -- Basic Constructs Of A Theory Of Adolescent Sibling Bereavement / Nancy Hogan And Lydia Desantis -- Retroactive Loss In Adopted Persons / Steven Nickman -- Grief And The Birth Origin Fantasies Of Adopted Women / Susan Miller-havens -- Grief And The Role Of The Inner Representation Of The Deceased / Samuel J. Marwit And Dennis Klass -- Attachment And The Reactions Of Bereaved College Students : A Longitudinal Study / David E. Balk -- Dilemmas In Identification For The Post-nazi Generation : My Good Father Was A Bad Man? / Lora Heims Tessman -- Concluding Thoughts / Phyllis R. Silverman And Steven L. Nickman. Edited By Dennis Klass, Phyllis R. Silverman, And Steven L. Nickman. Includes Bibliographical References And Index. This new book gives voice to an emerging consensus among bereavement scholars that our understanding of the grief process needs to be expanded. The dominant 20th century model holds that the function of grief and mourning is to cut bonds with the deceased, thereby freeing the survivor to reinvest in new relationships in the present. Pathological grief has been defined in terms of holding on to the deceased. Close examination reveals that this model is based more on the cultural values of modernity than on any substantial data of what people actually do.

Presenting data from several populations, 22 authors - among the most respected in their fields - demonstrate that the health resolution of grief enables one to maintain a continuing bond with the deceased. Despite cultural disapproval and lack of validation by professionals, survivors find places for the dead in their on-going lives and even in their communities. Such bonds are not denial: the deceased can provide resources for enriched functioning in the present.

Chapters examine widows and widowers, bereaved children, parents and siblings, and a population previously excluded from bereavement research: adoptees and their birth parents. Bereavement in Japanese culture is also discussed, as are meanings and implications of this new model of grief. Opening new areas of research and scholarly dialogue, this work provides the basis for significant developments in clinical practice in the field.

Bereaved children's changing relationships w/the deceased/widowhood & husband sanctification/etc.