Building a Parenting Agreement That Works: How to Put Your Kids First When Your Marriage Doesn't Last (2007)

Avoid custody battles -- save time, money and grief. Working out a fair and realistic child-custody agreement is one of the most difficult tasks for parents going through a divorce or separation. Building a Parenting Agreement That Works is the only book to show separating or divorcing parents how to overcome obstacles and create win-win custody agreements. A professional mediator, author Mimi Lyster sets out 40 issues separating parents typically face, and presents all the options to resolving them. The book walks you through all the factors you must consider, including: medical care, education, religious training, living arrangements, holidays, money issues and dealing with changes in an existing agreement. The updated 6th edition includes checklists and worksheets to help you complete the included fill-in-the-blank custody agreement, and provides the current custody laws of your state. It also covers how to track your child's well-being during a separation or divorce. (20090101) Table of Contents......Page 9 Introduction......Page 15 Make Your Own Custody Decisions If Possible......Page 16 Balancing Parenting and Financial Issues......Page 17 Why This Book Is Unique......Page 18 A Word to Skeptics......Page 19 What If You Just Want to Fight?......Page 20 Part I: Getting Started......Page 23 1. Taking Stock of Your Situation......Page 25 Keep Your Parenting Plan Focused on Your Children......Page 26 It Gets Easier Over Time......Page 27 Learn How to Negotiate......Page 29 If There Is Violence or Abuse in the Family......Page 30 2. An Introduction to Parenting Agreements......Page 33 Advantages of Parent-Negotiated Agreements......Page 34 Goals of a Successful Parenting Agreement......Page 35 Parenting Agreements and Custody......Page 37 3. Getting Organized......Page 39 Organize and Review Documents......Page 40 Completing the Worksheets......Page 41 Sample Worksheets......Page 43 4. How to Negotiate a Parenting Agreement......Page 51 Knowing What You Need and Want......Page 53 When Conflict Gets in the Way......Page 54 Using Effective Negotiation and Problem-Solving Strategies......Page 60 Breaking Through Impasses......Page 65 Knowing Where to Get Help and Support......Page 69 Part II: Your Parenting Agreement......Page 74 5. Building Your Agreement......Page 75 Where to Begin......Page 76 Get Outside Help......Page 77 Keep Your Agreement Current......Page 78 6. Basic Elements......Page 79 Issue 1: Where Our Children Will Live......Page 81 Issue 2: Medical, Dental, and Vision Care......Page 89 Issue 3: Negative Comments or Remarks......Page 91 Issue 4: Consistency in Raising Children......Page 92 Issue 5: Holidays......Page 93 Issue 6: Education......Page 95 Issue 7: Insurance......Page 99 Issue 8: Making Decisions......Page 101 Issue 9: Resolving Disputes......Page 104 Issue 10: Labeling the Custody Arrangement......Page 108 7. Finishing Touches......Page 113 Issue 11: Exchanging Information......Page 115 Issue 12: Child Care......Page 117 Issue 13: Special Occasions and Family Events......Page 120 Issue 14: Vacations......Page 121 Issue 15: Outside Activities......Page 122 Issue 16: Transportation Between Parents’ Homes......Page 123 Issue 17: Improving Transition Times......Page 125 Issue 18: Maintaining Contact......Page 127 Issue 19: Grandparents, Relatives, and Important Friends......Page 130 Issue 20: Psychiatric and Other Mental Health Care......Page 131 Issue 21: Religious Training......Page 132 Issue 22: Surname......Page 134 Issue 23: Treating Each Child as an Individual......Page 135 Issue 24: Separating the Adult Relationship Issues From the Parenting Issues......Page 136 Issue 25: Making Routine Changes......Page 138 Issue 26: Making Big Changes......Page 140 Issue 27: Explaining the Agreement to Your Children......Page 141 8. Serious Issues......Page 143 Issue 28: Domestic Violence, Child Abuse, and Child Neglect......Page 144 Issue 29: Alcohol or Drug Abuse......Page 149 Issue 30: Undermining the Parent-Child Relationship......Page 151 Issue 31: Denying Access to the Children......Page 152 Issue 32: If Extended Family Members or Close Friends Are Fueling the Dispute......Page 153 9. Special Issues and Complicating Factors......Page 157 Issue 33: Moving......Page 159 Issue 34: When Parenting Styles and Values Differ......Page 164 Issue 35: When a Parent Needs to Develop Parenting Skills......Page 167 Issue 36: When Parents Have New Partners......Page 168 Issue 37: If Our Homes Are Far Apart......Page 170 Issue 38: When Nonrelatives Live in the Home......Page 171 Issue 39: Reinvolving a Parent Who Has Been Absent......Page 172 Issue 40: Driving and Owning a Car, Motorcycle, or Off-Road Vehicle......Page 174 Issue 41: International Travel and Passports......Page 176 Issue 42: Military Service......Page 177 Issue 43: Allowing Underage Marriage......Page 178 Part III: Beyond Your Parenting Agreement......Page 179 10. Child Support, Alimony, and Jointly Owned Property......Page 181 Understanding Child Support......Page 182 Understanding Alimony or Spousal Support......Page 185 Negotiating Child and Spousal Support......Page 188 Dividing Jointly Owned Property......Page 189 11. Making Mediation and Arbitration Work for You......Page 191 Why Mediation Works......Page 192 Proposing Mediation......Page 193 Understanding Basic Mediation Techniques......Page 194 Why Mediation Works in Very Difficult Cases......Page 199 What Mediators Don’t Do......Page 201 Choosing Between Court-Ordered and Private Mediation......Page 202 Custody Evaluations......Page 203 Choosing a Mediator......Page 204 Preparing for Mediation......Page 205 If You Can’t Reach an Agreement......Page 206 Alternatives to Mediation......Page 207 12. Dealing With Changes in Your Agreement......Page 209 Why Changes Are Necessary—And How to Handle Them......Page 210 When You Are the One Initiating Change......Page 211 When You Are the One Responding to a Request for Change......Page 212 When Tensions Are Running High......Page 213 What to Do After You Negotiate the Changes......Page 214 13. Understanding Your Children’s Needs......Page 215 Strategies for Your Children at Any Age......Page 216 Strategies for Your Children at Different Ages and Developmental Stages......Page 221 Strategies for Children With Special Needs......Page 225 14. Multiracial, Multicultural, and International Families......Page 227 Accommodating Differences in Child-Rearing Practices......Page 228 Sorting Out the Role of Power Within the Family......Page 229 Working Within the American Legal System......Page 230 Deciding Whether Another Country Has Authority Over Parenting (Custody) Issues......Page 231 15. Nontraditional Families......Page 233 What Are Nontraditional Families?......Page 234 The Legal Relationship of a Nontraditional Parent and His or Her Children......Page 235 Recognizing the Nontraditional Parent’s Role......Page 238 Creating New Relationships After the Divorce or Separation......Page 239 16. State and Federal Laws Affecting Child Custody......Page 241 Custody and Visitation......Page 242 Best Interests of the Child......Page 244 Mediation......Page 249 Interstate Custody Disputes......Page 251 International Custody Disputes......Page 252 Custody and the IRS......Page 253 17. Help Beyond the Book......Page 255 Researching Legal Issues......Page 257 Researching Nonlegal Issues......Page 260 Research on the Internet......Page 261 Finding Professionals Who Can Help......Page 262 Additional Resources......Page 267 Bibliography......Page 270 Appendix: Tear-Out Forms......Page 273 Worksheet 1: Describe Your Child......Page 275 Worksheet 2: Describe Your Relationship With Your Child......Page 277 Worksheet 3: Adding the Details......Page 281 Worksheet 4: Checklist of Issues for Your Parenting Agreement......Page 285 Parenting Agreement......Page 291 Index......Page 333 Avoid custody battles -- save time, money and grief.

Working out a fair and realistic child-custody agreement is one of the most difficult tasks for parents going through a divorce or separation. Building a Parenting Agreement That Works is the only book to show separating or divorcing parents how to overcome obstacles and create win-win custody agreements.

A professional mediator, author Mimi Lyster sets out 40 issues separating parents typically face, and presents all the options to resolving them. The book walks you through all the factors you must consider, including:

•medical care
•education
•religious training
•living arrangements
•holidays
•money issues
•dealing with changes in an existing agreement

The updated 6th edition includes checklists and worksheets to help you complete the included fill-in-the-blank custody agreement, and provides the current custody laws of your state. It also covers how to track your child's well-being during a separation or divorce. Working out a fair and realistic custody agreement can be one of the most difficult tasks for divorcing parents. Building a Parenting Agreement That Works will show you how to overcome the obstacles and build your own win-win custody agreement that everyone - especially your children - can live with