A parent's guide to raising grieving children : rebuilding your family after the death of a loved one

When children lose someone they love, they lose part of their very identity. Life, as they knew it, will never be quite the same. The world that once felt dependable and safe may suddenly seem a frightening, uncertain place, where nobody understands what they're feeling. In this deeply sympathetic book, Phyllis R. Silverman and Madelyn Kelly offer wise guidance on virtually every aspect of childhood loss, from living with someone who's dying to preparing the funeral; from explaining death to a two year old to managing the moods of a grieving teenager; from dealing with people who don't understand to learning how and where to get help from friends, therapists, and bereavement groups; from developing a new sense of self to continuing a relationship with the person who died. Throughout, the authors advocate an open, honest approach, suggesting that our instinctive desire to "protect" children from the reality of death may be more harmful than helpful. "Children want you to acknowledge what is happening, to help them understand it," the authors suggest. "In this way, they learn to trust their own ability to make sense out of what they see." Drawing on groundbreaking research into what bereaved children are really experiencing, and quoting real conversations with parents and children who have walked that road, the book allows readers to see what others have learned from mourning and surviving the death of a loved one. In a culture where grief is so often invisible and misunderstood, the wisdom derived from such first-hand experience is invaluable. Filled with compassion and common sense, __A Parent's Guide to Raising Grieving Children: Rebuilding Your Family after the Loss of a Loved One__ offers readers a wealth of solace and sound advice, and even--where one might least expect it--a measure of hope.

When children lose someone they love, they lose part of their very identity. Life, as they knew it, will never be quite the same. The world that once felt dependable and safe may suddenly seem a frightening, uncertain place, where nobody understands what they're feeling.

In this deeply sympathetic book, Phyllis R. Silverman and Madelyn Kelly offer wise guidance on virtually every aspect of childhood loss, from living with someone who's dying to preparing the funeral; from explaining death to a two year old to managing the moods of a grieving teenager; from dealing with people who don't understand to learning how and where to get help from friends, therapists, and bereavement groups; from developing a new sense of self to continuing a relationship with the person who died. Throughout, the authors advocate an open, honest approach, suggesting that our instinctive desire to "protect" children from the reality of death may be more harmful than helpful. "Children want you to acknowledge what is happening, to help them understand it," the authors suggest. "In this way, they learn to trust their own ability to make sense out of what they see." Drawing on groundbreaking research into what bereaved children are really experiencing, and quoting real conversations with parents and children who have walked that road, the book allows readers to see what others have learned from mourning and surviving the death of a loved one. In a culture where grief is so often invisible and misunderstood, the wisdom derived from such first-hand experience is invaluable.

Filled with compassion and common sense, A Parent's Guide to Raising Grieving Children: Rebuilding Your Family after the Loss of a Loved One offers readers a wealth of solace and sound advice, and even—where one might least expect it—a measure of hope.

Doody Review Services

Reviewer:Michael S. Goldsby, PhD(Zeno Corporation)
Description:The authors have created a unique and insightful work founded on the true-life stories of children and parents of children who have experienced the tragic loss of a loved one. Based on clinical research and personal interviews, the authors have masterfully woven first-hand accounts of loss and profound grief from those who've "been there" into the fabric of this book. Nearly every page features the heartbreaking, and heartwarming, tales of emotional suffering and survival of those who have experienced the death of a parent, child, or close friend, as well as the hope and encouragement inherent in each of these stories.
Purpose:The purpose is to offer a guide or roadmap to what lies ahead for those who experience the death of a loved one. It was also written with the intent of helping the remaining parent and their children face an altered and often shattered life after the untimely death of the other parent. Mental health professionals who work with this patient population also will benefit from the stories of people who have lived through their grief and are willing to share what they have learned.
Audience:The book is written primarily as a guide for parents whose children have experienced the death of either another parent or loved one. It will also be beneficial for professionals in mental health and social services, as well as those in the clergy who are often faced with the daunting task of counseling and consoling individuals whose lives have been permanently altered by the death of a family member or loved one.
Features:The 10 chapters cover a variety of topics such as the grieving process for adults and children, getting children the help they need, and what death means to children in the aftermath of an untimely death of a parent, family member, or friend. As the authors assert, most readers won't read this book from cover to cover, nor do they need to. Instead, they encourage readers to read the generalized information in chapters one and two, which looks at how children understand death at different ages, then move on to the chapter that best deals with their situation -- the death of a child, a spouse, a parent, or a friend. Each chapter is filled with the stories of fellow travelers; a multitude of children and adults who have lost their parents, siblings, spouses, children, and friends. The authors offer words of advice while providing comfort and renewed hope for moving beyond the tragedy of loss to a better tomorrow.
Assessment:No other book offers readers the breadth and depth of research-based guidance for navigating through one of life's most painful experiences. The compassionate personal stories of grief and loss, told by children, adolescents, and adults are unique to this book and represent a body of work that is extremely moving, yet comforting for readers who are experiencing similar losses. This book is a treasure-trove of guidance and wisdom for parents who are faced with the often overwhelming task of moving the family beyond the painful realities of living life after the death of a loved one. I highly recommend this book as the authoritative text for understanding the complex and often complicated grief process associated with the death of a child, parent, or friend.

Content: Road map for a long journey. You don't have to do this alone Why we wrote this book How to read this book Some words of advice -- What death means to children. Age matters Preschool-age children : a limited concept of death Elementary school-age children : a growing understanding of death The teenage years : a fuller comprehension -- Someone I love is dying. Getting bad news How to get help My spouse is dying : anticipating living as a single parent My child is dying : anticipating an altered family -- Someone I love has died. The finality of death : the door is closed How children react Staggering through Making decisions Rites and rituals -- After a parent's death : a world upside down. Losing your past, present, and future What your children have lost Different ways of showing grief Lives reexamined Redesigning the role of parent Going back to school Felings and what to do with them Falling apart, and coming together Be patient with yourself and with your children -- After a child's death : a family disrupted. The parent's view : coping with your own loss Two parents, and at least two ways of grieving Other people do not always help Parenting your other children The child's view : what it means to lose a sibling Friends and bullies Collapse of their world : a lost way of life The lost world A new outlook, for you and your children -- After a friend's death : invisible mourners. Death and funerals Trying to make sense of it all Constructing a relationship with the person who died -- Help of all kinds. The early period after the death Finding help at school Help with financial and legal issues Tme moves forward, but help is still needed Individual counseling for children and adults Bereavement groups for children and adults Not all help is helpful A reordered universe -- Continuing bonds. What happens after death : faith, dreams, visions, and visits Connections over time -- Looking back, looking ahead. The new world Dating and remarriage The child's path. Road map for a long journey You don't have to do this alone Why we wrote this book How to read this book Some words of advice What death means to children Preschool age children : a limited concept of death Elementary school age children : a growing understanding of death The teenage years : a fuller comprehension Someone i love is dying Getting bad news How to get help My spouse is dying : anticipating living as a single parent My child is dying : anticipating an altered family Someone I love has died The finality of death : the door is closed Hhow children react Staggering through Making decisions Rites and rituals Death of a parent : a world upside down Redesigning the role of parent Going back to school Felings, and what to do with them Falling apart, and coming together Be patient with yourself and with your children After a child's death : a family disrupted The parent's view : coping with your own loss Two parents, and at least two ways of grieving Other people do not always help Parenting your other children The child's view : what it means to lose a sibling How children respond Friends and bullies Collapse of their world : a lost way of life The lost world A new outlook, for you and your children Invisible mourners : the death of a friend Death and funerals Trying to make sense of it all Constructing a relationship with the person who died Help of all kinds The early period after the death Finding help at school Help with financial and legal issues Tme moves forward, but help is still needed Individual counseling for children and adults Bereavement groups for children and adults Not all help is helpful A reordered universe Continuing bonds What happens after death : faith, dreams, visions, and visits Connections over time Looking back; looking ahead The new world Dating and remarriage The child's path. Presents guidance on various aspects of childhood loss, from dealing with somebody who is dying to explaining concepts of death to a young child, preparing a funeral, and learning where to get help from friends, therapists, and bereavement groups, with quotes from real conversations between parents and their children