57 Ways to Screw Up in Grad School: Perverse Professional Lessons for Graduate Students (Chicago Guides to Academic Life)

Don’t think about why you’re applying. Select a topic for entirely strategic reasons. Choose the coolest supervisor. Write only to deadlines. Expect people to hold your hand. Become “that” student. When it comes to a masters or PhD program, most graduate students don’t deliberately set out to fail. Yet, of the nearly 500,000 people who start a graduate program each year, up to half will never complete their degree. Books abound on acing the admissions process, but there is little on what to do once the acceptance letter arrives. Veteran graduate directors Kevin D. Haggerty and Aaron Doyle have set out to demystify the world of advanced education. Taking a wry, frank approach, they explain the common mistakes that can trip up a new graduate student and lay out practical advice about how to avoid the pitfalls. Along the way they relate stories from their decades of mentorship and even share some slip-ups from their own grad experiences. The litany of foul-ups is organized by theme and covers the grad school experience from beginning to end: selecting the university and program, interacting with advisors and fellow students, balancing personal and scholarly lives, navigating a thesis, and creating a life after academia. Although the tone is engagingly tongue-in-cheek, the lessons are crucial to anyone attending or contemplating grad school. 57 Ways to Screw Up in Grad School allows you to learn from others’ mistakes rather than making them yourself. Series Page 3 Title Page 4 Copyright 5 Dedication 6 Table of Contents 8 An Introduction to Screwing Up 12 Starting Out 22 1 Do Not Think about Why You Are Applying 25 2 Ignore the Market 30 3 Stay at the Same University 33 4 Follow the Money Blindly 35 5 Do an Unfunded PhD 40 6 Do an Interdisciplinary PhD 41 7 Believe Advertised Completion Times 44 8 Ignore the Information the University Provides You 45 9 Expect the Money to Take Care of Itself 46 Supervisors 52 10 Go It Alone and Stay Quiet 53 11 Choose the Coolest Supervisor 56 12 Have Co-Supervisors 59 13 Do Not Clarify Your Supervisor’s (or Your Own) Expectations 61 14 Avoid Your Supervisor and Committee 62 15 Stay in a Bad Relationship 64 16 Expect People to Hold Your Hand 66 Managing Your Program 68 17 Concentrate Only on Your Thesis 69 18 Expect to Write the Perfect Comprehensive Exam 72 19 Select a Topic for Entirely Strategic Reasons 74 20 Do Not Teach, or Teach a Ton of Courses 76 21 Do Not Seek Teaching Instruction 79 22 Move Away from the University Before Finishing Your Degree 81 23 Postpone Those Tedious Approval Processes 83 24 Organize Everything Only in Your Head 86 25 Do Not Attend Conferences, or Attend Droves of Conferences 89 Your Work and Social Life 92 26 Concentrate Solely on School 93 27 Expect Friends and Family to Understand 94 28 Socialize Only with Your Clique 96 29 Get a Job! 98 Writing 100 30 Write Only Your PhD Thesis 101 31 Postpone Publishing 104 32 Cover Everything 107 33 Do Not Position Yourself 109 34 Write Only to Deadlines 111 35 Abuse Your Audience 114 Your Attutide and Actions 120 36 Expect to Be Judged Only on Your Work 121 37 Have a Thin Skin 124 38 Be Inconsiderate 127 39 Become “That” Student 130 40 Never Compromise 132 41 Gossip 134 42 Say Whatever Pops into Your Head on Social Media 136 Delicate Matters 138 43 Assume That the University Is More Inclusive Than Other Institutions 139 44 Rush into a Legal Battle 143 45 Get Romantically Involved with Faculty 146 46 Cheat and Plagiarize 148 Am I Done Yet?: On Finishing 152 47 Skip Job Talks 153 48 Expect to Land a Job in a Specific University 157 49 Expect People to Hire You to Teach Your Thesis 159 50 Turn Down Opportunities to Participate in Job Searches 161 51 Neglect Other People’s Theses 162 52 Get an Unknown External Examiner 163 53 Do Not Understand the Endgame 166 54 Be Blasé about Your Defense 171 55 Do Not Plan for Your Job Interview 175 56 Persevere at All Costs 179 57 Consider a Non- Academic Career a Form of Failure 181 Final Thougts 184 Appendix A: A Sketch of Grad School 186 Acknowledgments 198 Index 200